How to find your person in life? - Nika's revelation. How to understand that you have found “your person” You need to find your person truly

Lately, the topic of understanding who is your person and who is not has been relevant. So I decided to think about it.

Although there were already thoughts, they can be found in the article “”.

Now there are a few more interesting thoughts.

NOT your man

There is a common illusion that love at first sight does not just happen and this is exactly the same.

But when the crush passes, you realize that this person is just there to understand some lessons.

And in particular, this could be a lesson in how to respond correctly to a person, the ability to emotionally not depend on a loved one.

And this person, simply by his indifference or presence, can simply put pressure on that very unclaimed desire to love and be loved. And then a storm of emotions unfolds about this.

And after going through such painful lessons... you will be able to understand whether this person is for you or not. Most often, the illusion that this is “the one” is destroyed and an aftertaste from such a relationship remains. If understood correctly, it is pleasant, and if understood incorrectly, it is hateful.

And such relationships are also needed at certain stages.

It also happens that even if you meet your person, you lack the inner strength to develop this relationship correctly. And this happens because of internal fears that have accumulated throughout life.

You just immediately run away from it or just harass each other, not suspecting that the other may be hurt by all this.

The only advice that can be given in such a situation is to try not to get involved and not fall into emotional dependence, in order to consciously approach this issue.

Track your fears and emotions in time in order to respond to them correctly and remove them so that they do not condition you.

But in any case, you can feel your person if only you are ready for this.

Because until you are ready and open to true love, nothing will happen in your life.

Working with the subtle plan and feeling the energy, I realized when there is involvement. When involved, a person’s picture of the world is distorted. You also stop correctly perceiving information from the outside. You cannot accurately assess what is happening.

That's why you need to consciously build relationships.

Theory - why you need to wait for your person

Also remember that when you are with the wrong person, there are 4 unhappy people in the world, namely:

1. Your person (because he is not with you and, perhaps, therefore with the wrong person too)
2. NOT your person who is next to you (because he is not with his other half, but with you)
3. NOT his person (because he's with the wrong person too)

Therefore, I have a clear understanding that you should not take someone else’s place without waiting for your person.

And the feeling that this is not your person is always in your soul. It happens even though everything is fine on the outside....in your soul there is melancholy and an understanding that you are not where you need to be. And it takes courage to stop tormenting and tormenting others.

And remember, your person will remain by your side in any capacity.

If you haven’t waited yet, wait for your person, he is in the world. And most importantly, it is worth waiting for and believing in its existence.

With love to you, Marina Danilova.

Those who are not at peace with themselves try to fill the inner emptiness with something external. But empty people attract the same empty people or become victims of manipulators who lower their self-esteem. The only way to create a healthy relationship is to become friends with yourself. This way you will kill two birds with one stone.

Firstly, you will become a healthier person and begin to attract equally self-sufficient people who will not need to assert themselves at your expense. Secondly, stop being afraid of loneliness.

When I advise people to spend some time on their own, they initially resist. I was like that too and every time I stepped on the same rake, starting relationships with the wrong people.

My ex-husband left me for someone else, and I decided that I would fight each other. But in the new relationship, neither I nor the man were happy. It took me years to make friends with myself and find true love. This happened after I learned to be successful and happy on my own and stopped depending on others and their opinions about me

What does it mean to build a relationship with yourself?

Learn to listen to yourself

Talk to yourself. Learn to spend time in silence alone with yourself. At first it will not be very comfortable, but during such “quiet” periods a lot becomes clear. If you're constantly looking at your smartphone or computer screen, your brain is too busy to notice and evaluate what's happening in the world and inside you. Learn to disconnect from external stimuli and listen to your inner voice.

Start treating yourself well

Tune in to your desires, realize who you are as a person. Do something you've been wanting to try for a long time. Sign up for a foreign language course, start drawing or learn to ride a motorcycle. You can go on a trip alone. Sound scary? It may seem like this at first, but you will get involved in the process and gain irreplaceable experience and pleasure. Learn to enjoy your own company.

Unleash your sadness

Accept your losses. Give yourself permission to cry, be sad or angry. When you learn to live through sad events, you will not be afraid of new losses. Once you let go of fear, you can make better choices.

Make friends with self-sufficient people

When I left my husband and moved to Massachusetts with my children, I was scared. If I had not found a job, I would never have decided to move. At that time, someone gave me valuable advice: “Make friends with people who have what you dream of.” I did so. My new friends were happy and lived full lives. Not everyone was married, but loneliness did not bother them.

Learn to relax

Take bubble baths or go to the spa and get in touch with your physical self. Disconnect from external noise, only audio is allowed for relaxation and meditation. When mastering relaxation techniques, don’t try to do everything right. It will come gradually.

Guys, we put our soul into the site. Thank you for that
that you are discovering this beauty. Thanks for the inspiration and goosebumps.
Join us on Facebook And In contact with

The entire modern world lives under the motto “Find your soulmate.” “Second half” - think about these words. It turns out that without a certain half, destined for us in advance, we will not be able to reveal ourselves and be considered full-fledged? This sounds very romantic. But a little cruel. After all, just think: what if you met the perfect person, but in fact he is not a part of you at all? What if your other half lives on the other side of the world? Fate must be a very cunning thing to come up with such a complex scenario to restore your integrity with a person from another continent. What if things don't go as planned and you never meet him?

We are in website We decided to find honest answers from ordinary people to typical advice from professional coaches and authors of glossy magazines on finding that soul mate. We hope their expert perspective on all these love hacks will help answer our question: “What if I never meet my soulmate?”

1. “To meet your person, you need to prescribe a clear ideal”

Many successful life coaches argue that you need to immediately accurately describe your ideal person: his appearance, character traits, position in society, field of activity. Thanks to such visualization, the object of desire should itself “beautifully enter your sinful life.”

But this is what happens to people who prescribe everything in advance:

“You know, since school I have had completely different criteria for the person I would like to love and see around me. At first it was the image of a beautiful boy. Then, when I met a handsome man, I realized that this was not enough for me. I need something else to talk to him about. And when I met both smart and handsome, I realized that I didn’t care about appearance, but I couldn’t close my eyes to the lack of a sense of humor. And over time, I just began to prioritize. If at the age of 18 it was important to me that the guy didn’t smoke, now I don’t care whether the young man smokes or not, because his bad habit doesn’t make him worse.”

Lola Gook

Firstly, the person who lives in your head and desperately tries to meet you every day somewhere around the corner may not appear in your life at all. But you can easily miss and not notice a good person who is not from your “sketch”.

Secondly, as we see from the story above, our criteria are constantly changing. And this happens not only because of one’s own changes, but also because of constantly acquired experience. For clarity, imagine that the relationship is a waltz. You dream of finding a partner who would waltz shoulder to shoulder with you. But how do you determine who exactly is right for you if you haven’t even tried to dance with the one who invited you?

2. “To meet your soul mate, you need to constantly be actively searching”

And again about the waltz theme: going overboard with the number of partners, as fashion magazines sometimes advise, is also not an option. Here's why: Daily dating experiments have been gaining popularity lately, like this Tinder experiment with 300 dates in a year. The girl made the most general conclusion from such an experience in her article in Wonderzine magazine:

“I went into the application and admired the guys - it all resembled a game or searching for clothes in an online store. Tinder changes: you stop valuing your partner and pay more attention to their flaws than their strengths. During the time I used the application, I was disappointed in myself: I was ashamed that I stopped appreciating those I met, that every time I tried to find someone better.”

Office manager, 27 years old

3. “To meet your person, you need to develop yourself”

“Believe that you are worthy of love, and love is worthy of you, even if you have a broken heart. Learn to listen to yourself. Talk to yourself in silence. Hear your inner voice. Get to know your body: go to the spa more often, relax alone with yourself. Sometimes allow yourself to cry and be sad - this way you won’t be afraid of new losses” - this is what life-affirming articles on the Internet constantly tell us.

Let's think less vanilla and more intelligently: self-development and self-confidence are really very important. But try typing into Google the query “I’m handsome, but lonely” (instead of “handsome” you can enter “smart/successful/rich” or even “handsome as God”), and you will understand that even Very developed, successful and talented people cannot always meet a good waltz partner without problems. This means that the matter is not necessarily about one’s own ideality and versatility, let’s move on.

4. “You just have to believe. This is the main thing"

“If you believe, everything will work out.” Blindly following this type of thinking crushes many dreams. This is probably what the first explanation of some guru-shaman will sound like: “If you are not successful, it is because you do not believe enough in your goal. You are not convinced of it strongly enough.”

Yes, forget about talent, opportunities, just lack of faith - only because of this fact you fail. If this were truly the case, then all you need is complete confidence in your goal. And that’s it!”

Alex George, psychologist

Faith is indeed a necessary thing, but only in conjunction with other qualities. If you daydream on the couch, you won't find the perfect dance partner - you need to go to the ball.

5. “To meet your soulmate, visualize living with that person.”

Psychologists sometimes offer this technique: if you really want to be in a relationship with someone, but still can’t meet your waltz partner, try for a month to act as if you already have him. Imagine that you live together, imagine how your life has changed now, your routine, habits, and everyday life have probably changed. Such self-deception can be useful from a psychological point of view: it subconsciously adjusts you to the desired rhythm, thanks to which your significant other and, probably, the Universe itself will say: “Well, then it’s time to meet!”

Whatever we do: work, personal affairs, caring for relatives, meeting with friends, and no matter how many people surround us, a silent question often arises in our thoughts: “How to find your person in life?”

I won’t tell anyone a secret that these words often come to mind, including people who have been married for a long time or are raising children. Soul mates are rarely united by a stamp in a passport...
Perhaps the most important thing in life is to find someone you like. And it doesn’t matter at all where this happens and at what age. A person finds the meaning of life in another person who is able to accept him as he is, not ask about the past, not demand fulfillment of desires, understand and give love.

How to find your person for life?

Let Nika's revelation be the answer:

“People are together as long as they both want to be together. Neither duty, nor honor, nor morality chains one person to another. When a person wants to leave, he will leave the house and the children and the dying cripple. As long as he doesn’t want to, he stays close.

When a person wants to be together, none of your shortcomings will hinder him.

When a person wants to leave, none of your virtues will hold him back.

No matter how ugly and unattractive you are, there will be someone who will like you. No matter how good and desirable you are, there is someone who will reject you.

If you get rejected, it doesn't mean anything. You don't get worse or smaller, nothing bad actually happens. How to find your person in life - your person is in the world and he will accept you.

If you are accepted, one day you will part – not in life, so in death. Treasure what you have, don’t regret what you lose and don’t be afraid to lose.

Be glad that there is a person who shines for you. Shine yourself - the more light, the less fear, the less fear, the less darkness in the soul.

A leaf that wants to return to the tree can swim against the current and fly against the wind. But the tree will not reattach it to the old branch.

The more you love, the more love you give, the more remains. If, while giving love, you feel pain or hatred, it means that you have given the person poison in chocolate glaze. It is hardly worth demanding gratitude for such a gift.

Let go. Let the person be someone other than the mirror of your love - especially since that is the way it is. To dissolve in your loved one is a rare talent and a rare curse. Be yourself, be worthy, forget about fear - one day it won’t come back anyway. But not today :)

Believe. Trust. Gray. Give thanks. Don't think about what could be - only about what is here and now, in fire and water, under the stars.

Leave before dead love starts to stink of carrion. Come before desire turns into obsession.

What is bought with money is only worth money. What has been begged for, cried out for, taken away and stolen will one day be taken away a hundredfold. What is given freely, from the heart, is priceless.

How to find your person in life is simple. You will go towards him and run into him in the middle of the road. He did not know. You didn't call. You have been found. And wherever you were moving before, you are now on the same path.”

I wish you to find a loved one for life, drink delicious coffee together in the morning, have romantic evenings at home, read books out loud to each other and cherish every moment spent together..

Can our train leave us?

There is one interview on the website perejit.ru that is especially helpful to those going through a breakup. It's called "Your Train Will Never Leave You." The main idea of ​​this interview is that you will not lose your person. If you lost a person, then it was not your person.

This sounds very comforting and helps perfectly during the “acute grief” stage, that is, in the first 3-7 days after a breakup. But this statement is true somewhat differently from the sense in which it is understood by those who accept this consolation.

It is true in the highest, divine sense. Indeed, God knows the name of the person with whom we will connect our lives.

But He knows this name not because He Himself destined this person for us. He knows this name because He knows what actions and what mistakes we will make along the way.

God is an amazing being, completely unknowable. For God there is no time, no yesterday and today. That's why He knows everything.

But He does not force anyone on us. We are free people, there is no place for fatalism in our lives. Yes, God and our guardian angel do everything necessary so that we have the opportunity to make a good choice, so that we can choose the person with whom we can be happy. But we make the choice ourselves. And if we make a mistake, then we bear the full brunt of the consequences of that mistake.

Many non-believers say that if there was a God, there would be no evil, pain and wars on earth. Such people imagine God as something like a chess player, and people as dead chess pieces. There is no point in discussing whether such a god would be better than the real God or not. There is that God who exists. And He wanted to give us freedom, He wanted to make us not dead, but alive and even like Himself. But the flip side of freedom is responsibility for the consequences of our actions.

So, on our human level, our train can leave us. We may lose our man.

Does our train exist?

We all make mistakes. Therefore, it would be completely sad if there was only one single person of ours, and we, at all costs, needed to find him in the entire mass of humanity, and preferably not by the age of 70. Fortunately, this is not the case. The story of the only “soul mate” is an ancient myth invented by the ancient Greek philosopher Plato.

In fact, there are quite a lot of people who are suitable as wives and husbands for us. Many people have experienced a breakup with a person who seemed to them their only soul mate, the best person on earth, and then, and sometimes even quite quickly, a new person was found, even better, even closer and more suitable.

The claim of some people that they are monogamous also raises doubts. How do we know that we are monogamous? Everything is tested by experience, you need to open your heart to new love, and then we will see whether it is capable of loving again. And if a person consciously or subconsciously decides not to love anyone else (this is in our power), then this is not a monogamous person, but simply, in my opinion, a person with psychological problems. Which, fortunately, can be resolved.

Is there such a thing as a monogamous person? What is a monogamous person, a person who loves neither friends, nor parents, nor God, but only one person of the opposite sex? This is simply impossible. If a person does not love either his parents or his friends, then he cannot love anyone. And if he loves at least someone else, it means that the heart is not one-person, and the person is not one-loving. And he might fall in love with someone else.

Therefore, each of us has at least a few people with whom it is easier for us to achieve mutual love than with others. But even if we do not connect our lives with any of them, this is not an unambiguous catastrophe. As you know, if you find a good wife, you will be happy; If you come across an evil one, you will become a philosopher. Socrates, who had an evil wife, said something like this, and he really became a philosopher. Of course, becoming a philosopher is no small achievement. But becoming a patient, humble person, remaining faithful to a person with whom it is difficult are considerable acquisitions that will allow us to approach the hour of death with dignity and confidence. But I am convinced that love will also increase in this case, and the highest and brightest.

But, nevertheless, we wish for ourselves, and God wishes for us, a happier path. This is also one of the amazing properties of God. We have heard the phrases “God loves us”, “God is love”, but they usually sound to us like something abstract, this love for us is like the warmth of distant stars. So it’s even difficult for us to believe that the words in the prayer rule and liturgical texts, in which we ask ourselves and each other for a painless death, salvation in various sorrows, relief in various hardships, are not our weakness, but what God Himself desires us.

What helps me realize God’s love for us is the memory of two situations when I was in danger on the evening streets of Moscow—to get hurt or even die. In both cases, even before the events themselves began, I felt some kind of incomprehensible, external excitement, and a sharp mobilization of forces. It wasn't my anxiety. Just at that moment, a special calm and determination came to me. I had no reason to worry, because I did not know what awaited me. So it was someone else who was worried and caring about me. I'm sure it was a guardian angel. It is clear that if I had suffered, it would not have been my sin. And, let’s say, if I had ended up in the hospital after these incidents, perhaps these tests would have been useful for me. But even despite the possible benefit of these trials for me, my guardian angel did not want them for me and saved me from them. This means that God treats us the same way...

We have every right to desire and seek one of those people with whom we will be happier and who will be easier for us to love. We will conditionally call such a person our person. But still not half. People become soul mates already in marriage.

There are five main regrets of dying people, compiled by Broni Vehe based on her work with such people in a hospice. This is useful to know, so I will provide a complete list of these regrets:

1. I regret that I did not have the courage to live the life that was right for me, and not the life that others expected of me.

2. I'm sorry I worked so hard.

3. I wish I had the courage to express my feelings.

4. I wish I had kept in touch with my friends.

5. I wish I had allowed myself to be happier.

In terms of our topic, let us pay special attention to points 1 and 5. When choosing a life partner, we need to think a lot, work, and look for the one who is right for us. And we should not be afraid of our desire to be happy.

Why are we missing our train?

Many people complain that they are lonely or that they are not with the people they would like to be with. Remember, like Yevtushenko:

“This is what’s happening to me,

It’s not the same one that comes to me,

He puts his hands on my shoulders

And he steals from someone else..."

This is not surprising, given that most of us are not adults psychologically, we do not live consciously and do not see the connection between our views, actions and consequences. To find “your person,” it is very important to understand what exactly prevents us from meeting or seeing him.

First. If you want a prince, become a princess.

There is often a discrepancy between who we dream of and who we ourselves are. For example, if we dream of connecting our lives with a pure, decent, faithful person, but we ourselves are not like that, then firstly, we ourselves will not be able to discern and appreciate such a person when we meet him, and secondly, it will be difficult for him to appreciate us. Therefore, we must either become more modest in our demands, or (which, of course, is more correct), become worthy of the happiness we dream of.

Second. The influence of the media and public opinion.

Those who are now thirty or younger have had their brains washed since childhood. Images of the same princesses in American children's cartoons disorient girls as young as 3-5 years old. Badly educated, immoral, sensual, lazy, inept, cruel, spoiled - these qualities of American cartoon princesses are directly opposite to the qualities of real Russian, German and English princesses of the 19th century, as we know them from a variety of documentary evidence.

As the person got a little older, the images of “stars” began to “shine” for him - actors, musicians, as well as businessmen and thieves. The dirt of their personal lives, whether we like it or not, clogs the souls of those who are at least somewhat interested in it.

As a result, women overemphasize a man's financial success and men overemphasize a woman's sexual attractiveness. Many people don’t even believe in the decency, cleanliness, and happiness of a poor but large family. If they hadn’t heard about this, they weren’t shown it on TV.

We are influenced not only by the media, but also by our environment. Girlfriends and friends can envy someone else’s “happiness” and thereby form in us an image of such happiness as what is desired for us. But first of all, we don't know how much happiness there really is and how long it will last. Secondly, even if this is happiness, it is someone else's. It may not suit us. We need our own happiness.

Third. Mistakes, weaknesses, sins.

Sin always leads to pain, to suffering. In personal and family life, this is especially clear. The most typical situation is when we succumb to the attractiveness of a person and fall into fornication. A certain connection, a certain relationship arises - and we begin to live with this person, allowing more and more compromises with our conscience, and moving further and further away from ourselves and from our happiness.

Point three is closely related to point one. If we do not live a spiritual life and do not work on ourselves, there is little chance of avoiding such mistakes.

Fourth. Psychological scenarios.

It often happens that a person himself is good, has a sound worldview, seems worthy of happiness, but for some reason chooses those with whom this happiness is impossible. And again and again he steps on the same rake. Or point-blank he doesn’t see someone with whom he will feel good. The reason for this is in the scenarios embedded in a person’s subconscious. What are these scenarios and how are they formed?

The most obvious scenario is our tendency to choose a person who is similar to the parent of the opposite sex. This is not bad if the parents’ family is strong, full of love. And if not? What if your mother cheated and left your father? If the father is a domestic tyrant? Psychologists know very well that if a girl marries a drunk, most likely her father or grandfather was an alcoholic.

Often scripts are instilled in us by our parents. A single mother can instill in her daughter distrust of men and program her that it is a woman’s lot to be unhappy in her personal life. And a girl grows up who subconsciously does not feel her right to be happier in love than her mother. And, naturally, when good, decent men meet on her way, she bypasses them - after all, happiness is possible with them!

Even a single strong childhood impression can have a huge impact on us and hinder us throughout our lives if we do not discover and neutralize this “mine” in our subconscious.

I know a woman who had a complete family of parents, but who as a child saw a bitter example of betrayal in a family of relatives, and to this girl, the woman who was cheated on, at the peak of pain, said with great feeling: “You can’t give them your heart.” This girl was then afraid all her life to trust someone with her heart, to suffer from betrayal. And she never got married.

I know a man who, as a child, was depicted by his classmates on a wall newspaper as a henpecked man. This upset him very much, and he said to himself: “It’s better not to get married at all than to become henpecked.” And this program operated there for many years. He married, but already at a fairly mature age, to a young girl who, due to her age and intelligence, had no chance of getting the better of him. But on his way there were many women, smart and strong, more worthy of him.

The scenario can also be laid in adulthood, in the love relationships we have experienced. We can take what we have experienced as a standard and subconsciously look for repetitions, look for opportunities to again enter the same river that has already become shallow. Or we can be frightened and afraid of repeating what we experienced, transferring to the innocent the characteristics of the one who hurt us.

You need to analyze your life, starting from childhood, compare the past and present, find the reasons for your behavior, your preferences. If we find it, it’s not difficult to overcome this scenario. A wound inflicted by a word is healed by a word. We can say healing words to ourselves, or we can resort to the help of a psychologist.

How to know your person

If we have the right worldview, we understand what love is, what family is, we work on ourselves, but when the decisive choice comes, doubts arise. And if they don’t arise, they should be induced artificially. This is too important a decision to make without testing and consideration. What should you pay attention to and what should you do to reduce the likelihood of error?

Reciprocity and nature of feelings

Your feelings should be like love, not like passion or love addiction. And although we devoted a separate chapter to this topic, it is not always possible to recognize true love. Its important feature is its quiet state. This is not a flame, not an explosion, not a fire.

And, in any case, the feelings should be mutual. This is also a feature of true love.

Coincidences

The easiest way is to check the probability of the right choice by those matches of yours that are very, very desirable for the happiness of family life.

To analyze a person’s qualities, it is advisable to know him for about a year, sometimes six months may be enough. And not just acquaintances, but to go through a certain experience of communication with him. See him in work, in difficulties. See it in communication with friends and parents. The way he treats his parents is how he will treat you later.

What should you pay attention to?

First of all, on his worldview and value system. What is the meaning of life for him? How does he understand the purpose of family? How does he understand his and your role in the family, the distribution of responsibilities? What does he think about having and raising children? How many children does he want? What are his religious beliefs?

Secondly, on the relationship between his parents. In many ways, he will repeat the model of parental relationships. How much do you like them? How similar is it to your parents' relationship? It is very good if the similarities are great.

The level of education and financial status also matters. The closer these levels are, the better.

Cultural and national differences. In our time of great mixing of peoples, the temptation for mixed marriages is high. A Russian woman can marry a man from the East or a Western European. Sometimes such marriages turn out to be happy. But on average, the chances of creating a strong, healthy, happy family are several times lower than with people of your culture. Have you considered everything enough to take such a risk?

A large age difference also reduces the chances of a family. The optimal age difference is no more than 5 years. There are often happy marriages in which the husband is 10-20 years older than his wife. But if the wife is much older than her husband, the chances of saving the marriage drop sharply.