Are you married? something about the favorite questions of local employers - a replica. How to answer "uncomfortable" questions

29.09.2019

Guys, we put our soul into the site. Thank you for that
that you are discovering this beauty. Thanks for the inspiration and goosebumps.
Join us on Facebook And In contact with

Each of us had to answer tactless questions. Sometimes it makes you angry, sometimes it makes you happy. Often people don't even realize that they are putting someone in an awkward position, but that doesn't make it any easier to deal with such situations.

website I collected the most awkward questions that each of us has heard at least once, and found answers to them, seasoned with a dose of humor.

1. How much does your apartment cost?

When it comes to money, any harmless questions can turn out to be insensitive. But as soon as you get your own home, every second person wants to know how much you paid for the apartment, invested in the construction of the house, or how much the renovation cost.

It’s up to you to say the real price or not, but you can always take the topic in a different direction.

Answers:

Now there is a place to live, but nothing to do with it.
It’s too early to say whether there are still so many years to pay for it.

2. When will you get married? It is high time

There are many jokes about how as soon as a girl meets a guy, she immediately begins to “try on” his last name and choose names for their children. But often things look different: as soon as you start dating someone, everyone around you is asking questions about the wedding. Few people are interested in the fact that you are not ready yet, that you are already fine, or that you do not plan to tie the knot at all.

Answers:

Today we set the alarm early to get to the registry office in time, but it’s a shame that we overslept. But tomorrow - definitely!
When are you going? At what age did you get married?
When do you want to get us married?

3. How much do you get paid?

People may be interested in earning money for various reasons: out of pure curiosity, worrying about you, or, for example, envy. But any of dozens of such reasons does not oblige you to give a full financial report.

Answers:

I have enough to live on!
Ninety thousand Taiwan dollars!
I receive the average salary in the industry (but significantly less than Bill Gates).

4. Why don't you have children? Time is ticking

The appearance of a baby in a family is a purely personal matter, but this never stops anyone. Questions about children begin to be asked even before the wedding, reinforced by the assurances “without a child, this is not a family,” “the time has long come,” and “how can you not want children at all.”

Answers:

In May! 2025.
We’ve already started it, we just don’t tell anyone about it.
Why do you want to know this?

5. How old are you?

6. Did something happen to you? You're sad

Of course, if a person close to you asks this question, then most likely he is just worried. But sometimes we don’t want to talk about our problems even to our family, and asking questions only makes the situation worse. Try to smile when answering this question to dispel all doubts with one look.

Answers:

I just thought about the meaning of life!
I’m a little tired, but that’s okay - I’ll sleep and shine again.

Answers:

Still haven't met my destiny.
How did you understand that it was “he”?
At first I decided to have a child, suddenly for the second I would want a different dad!
I will get married as soon as the divorce proceedings are over.

In any case, you always have the right to directly say that you do not want to discuss a particular topic, and avoid crumpled and unpleasant answers to tactless questions.

It just so happened that some time ago, unnoticed even by yourself, you entered the age when, it turns out, it is already customary to be married and preferably with children. Apparently, while you were feeding your 17 cats, a certain Council of Elders was formed, which decided that from now on you can and should be reprimanded for not having a stamp in your passport. This should be done unobtrusively, so that no one suspects the existence of the Council, as if casually asking “Why are you not married yet?” Relatives from some Soldanesti have been saving money for your wedding for 10 years, your parents are worried about your glass of water before they die, and in the eyes of your friends you can see sympathy, like for starving children in Africa. For a long time you have been telling your married friends that you don’t believe in the institution of marriage, except perhaps in its detrimental influence on the relationship itself, that marriage is a formality and a tribute to the public and all that, and you’ve already got it.

For the most part, it is difficult for people to understand that NOT ALL girls want to get married. If a man doesn’t want to get married, that’s normal, but if a woman doesn’t want to get married, then there’s clearly something wrong with her. And at some point, everyone en masse is trying to figure out what, in the end, is wrong with you? Even men ask this completely stupid question as a “compliment”. If you are faced with this problem, I advise you to take a deep breath and read these 10 tips on how to answer the question “Why are you not married yet?”

And I can hold a man even without a stamp in my passport

“You don’t mean to say that there is some other reason for this whole farce? Come on, you are all afraid that tomorrow you will be left broke with children, a mortgage and a tarnished reputation, so you tie men to you, using family values. I have no problem with this."

There's a curse on my family

“I haven’t told anyone this, but I like you, so listen. Many centuries ago, a young woodcutter from a neighboring village fell in love with my great-great-great-great-great grandmother. The most handsome woodcutter in both villages, all the girls gathered to watch from behind the bushes with what power he was cutting his ax into the trunks of oaks and spruces. But he was lonely, because he was friends with a local witch, whose notoriety had spread for miles and miles around. Only my great-great-great-great-great grandmother was not afraid and married the handsome man. The witch could not bear the betrayal and placed a curse on the entire woodcutter family. Since then, every girl in our family who got married, after a few years of married life, becomes a widow. For several generations now, if girls ever get married, it is only in a civil marriage. Just don’t tell anyone, I can trust you, right?”

Do you really care? I still wouldn't invite you to my wedding.

“And in general, don’t you think that such questions can only be asked by people to whom I cannot be rude? Better friends, relatives whom I did not choose, but whom I have to love, my boss, after all, what do you think about yourself? Come on, get out of my bed!”

Will you pay for my wedding?

“Nowadays everything is so expensive, and so many gluttonous relatives will want to fly to the capital for free salads and whiskey. And everyone around is greedy, nothing will pay off, and with this expensive dress, what to do then? And I want a honeymoon in the Maldives like people have, and not like you going to Bulgaria on hot packages.”

I can provide for myself

“If one morning I wake up with an insatiable desire to cook borscht for someone, grumble about how the apartment is always a mess, if I suddenly need a person who will constantly compare me with his mother, forget about my birthdays, give gifts on March 8 frying pans or tasteless underwear - I will definitely, definitely get married.”

I have psychological trauma associated with my parents

“My parents constantly quarreled and fought. I remember how little, barefoot, I ran out of the house, through the snow, into the night, away from quarrels and screams, from blood smeared on the walls, broken dishes, and neighbors knocking on the door. And then the police, testimony, tears, and my mother pressed me to her chest with bloody hands and said: “Don’t ever get married, daughter, they are all good before the wedding, and then they will beat you!” I remember these words so well that now I’ll definitely never be able to. Does he hit you too? No? So it will be soon."

Same-sex marriages are not officially registered in our country.

“My kitty and I are saving up for a trip to Las Vegas to finally legalize our relationship. You would know how difficult it is in our world to not be as mediocre as all of you. Everywhere you look there is condemnation. We have been dreaming for so long about our little lesbian happiness, somewhere on the ocean shore, in a small lesbian house and with many adopted children running around, who will be teased all their lives by the evil children of heterosexual parents...”

They say that married people have no sex or very little sex, so I’m in no hurry...

“By the way, don’t you regret being married? How long have you been married? And how often does this happen to you? Poor thing..."

My vibrator, unfortunately, does not have a passport.

“One day I bought a small suit for Ken from a Barbie doll set, put it on my favorite vibrator, bought expensive champagne, set a luxurious table, turned on the Mendelssohn march, said “I agree!”, We kissed, had dinner and indulged in the most passionate night of love in my life. You can judge me, but I bet I have sex more often than you?”

The next 8.5 months, I'm afraid it will be difficult for me to choose a dress that fits

“Yes, you understood everything correctly. And then there’s another problem: I have no idea who the father is... or rather, who exactly. You know, we – unmarried girls – have so many promiscuous sexual relationships that we have long lost count. Every night, out of grief, we quietly cry into our pillows and envy you, the married ones. You are our standard, we dream of being like you, gathering in huge cheerful groups and talking about children, posting all sorts of wonderful aphorisms about marriage on Facebook, putting photos from a wedding photo shoot on our avatar... and we so fucking want them to stop us finally asking “Why haven’t we gotten married yet?”!!

How tormented you were with these nasty questions: Are you married? How much do you earn? Are you on a diet? How to learn to answer such tactless questions quickly and originally.

I didn’t get married for a long time, and I was tormented by all sorts of familiar aunties and girlfriends and others interested in their personal lives: "Are you married?" or “Aren’t you going to get married?” . For people who are sure that every girl has dreamed of buying a wedding dress since birth, it’s easier to answer something like: “Yes, I’m already divorced, now I’m looking for a new victim. Are you married yourself? How’s your husband, handsome?” or “It’s too early for me to get married.” Option: “Scientists have proven that after marriage, people have sex less often. So I’ll take another walk” - had a very good effect on my annoying friends.

After some time I got married, I thought everyone would leave me behind, but that was not the case. A month after the wedding, everyone started pestering me with questions, am I pregnant and when am I going to . We had to laugh it off: “There are no problems, we just know that there is contraception and we know how to protect ourselves” or “We are still rehearsing conception.”

She became pregnant, and now the curious began to be tormented by the question: am I suffering from toxicosis? . I had a desire to make an inscription on a T-shirt: “Toxicosis doesn’t bother me, but does it bother you?” And also from this series: “Is my husband glad that I got pregnant” answer: “No, she cries all day long.”

You meet an old friend somewhere on the street and always: “Hello, what’s new?” My husband usually answers: “What old things do you remember?” Or they will see me with a child: “Oh, this is yours,” I came up with: “No, I rented it from the neighbors.”

My mother-in-law comes to visit us, sees that I am still breastfeeding my one and a half year old baby, and every time she starts: “It’s time to quit, how long are you going to feed him?” She laughed it off: “Until you go to college, they say that the longer you feed, the greater your chances of getting a higher education.” She’s probably jealous of me that I’m as thin as a sliver, I’ve been breastfeeding for so long, and her plump daughter’s milk disappeared very quickly.

On the topic of weight. Since childhood I was thin and my grandmother terrorized me advice on how to get better. In her understanding, a woman should be as plump as a bun, although she herself retained the weight of Madonna until her deep gray hair. At first she simply answered: “I want to be a model,” then: “Let everyone be jealous,” and finally, she categorically refused to talk to her about this topic. It helped. Now that, due to sleepless nights at my little son’s bed, my weight has dropped to the level of the highest paid fashion models - she is silent.

Not everyone “suffers” from thinness; girls who are prone to being overweight have to fight off annoying things: “And you’ve recovered!” , I advise you to answer: “What are you talking about? There’s a crisis in the world, it’s me who’s swollen from hunger.”

Particularly curious people are still interested in the question: “How much do you earn? What about your husband? . For a long time I could not figure out how to answer such tactless questions, but in the end it turned out: “I have enough to live on with butter” - so far it worked.

Of course, it is important to understand whether a person is interested out of idle curiosity or is truly sincere. We need to look at the situation. If a friend asks, wanting to offend or find a new topic for gossip, it is better to limit yourself to: "It's personal" - let her think for herself what you wanted to say. The main thing is not to lie, by lying you will harm yourself.

Interview: Maria Makeeva

In one of the first Lonely Planet guides There was a separate chapter on Russia with recommendations for traveling women, where, in particular, they warned that it is better not to sit on the grass or, even worse, on a stone parapet in the presence of a Russian babushka. What such a conventional “grandmother” can say, you can imagine: “Don’t sit on the ground (on a stone), you still have to give birth to children!” Foreign tourists were advised to treat such an invasion calmly, not to argue, and to get up immediately - the critic would not leave until they listened to her. Maria Makeeva spoke with three foreign women who lived here long enough and understood what a woman should expect from Russia.

Miriam Elder

USA, spent a total of eight years in Russia, from 2002 to 2003 and from 2006 to 2013, now back in New York, working as world editor at BuzzFeed

Ines Shulik

France, spent a month in Russia in 2012 (Tyumen) and 2013–2014. (St. Petersburg) on university internships, now lives in Strasbourg, looking for work in Russia

The first time I came to Russia was five years ago, I spent a month in Tyumen - it was such a summer school. I liked it very much. At my Sciences Po (Institute of Political Studies) in Strasbourg, it is mandatory to study abroad for the third year, so I decided to go to Russia, studied for a year at the Faculty of International Relations and at the Faculty of Philology at St. Petersburg State University, I also worked there and, of course, traveled a lot across Russia. I really liked it because in Russia everything is possible. Everything bad and everything good, at the same time. I felt like I was almost home. People here, of course, are sometimes a little crazy, but I didn’t think it would be like this: my mom is French, my dad is German, and I feel a little Russian. There is something romantic and melancholic at the same time about the locals.

Gender stereotypes are very strong in Russia, much more so than in France. A woman should be conventionally beautiful and attractive, and a man should be strong. In France it is not so straightforward. I, of course, had many friends in Russia. And when I held the door for a man, everyone was surprised: “Why are you doing this? You're a woman! But for me this is normal. Or, for example, in the Moscow metro a man gives way to a woman - in France this does not exist at all. When I did the same for a man, everyone looked at me as if there was something wrong with me. And that was just politeness!

When I was working at a company in St. Petersburg, one day my boss came and said that I was very beautiful. It was so strange: I’m a teacher, I can’t say that I’m beautiful, it’s none of your business, you know? Compliments are, of course, possible, but if the boss is in front of me and I’m not a model, it sounds very strange.

We have a lot of open relationships, such as sexfriends; in Russia they almost don’t exist at all. In France, a date usually means going out together for a drink. And for you - “let’s walk around the city together.” Well, okay, great, but he came with a rose! And I don’t understand at all what this is? It's like a marriage proposal! Okay, I agreed to go for a walk, but why did you come with a rose?

Sometimes I think I'm going crazy: I get the feeling that in Russia women support sexism more than men. They love to be treated like princesses. They want gifts, flowers, a man must solve all problems. I don't understand this at all. I recently had a conversation with a friend, she is from St. Petersburg, but lives in Moscow - she told me that she would like to be weaker. She explained that if she was weaker, she would become more attractive to men. Of course I don't think so! Although in France they are also afraid of strong women.

I have a feeling that under the Soviet Union, women had to be strong, and then they wanted to become “feminine” again and therefore abandoned the idea of equality. There are also statistics on the share of women in government, and in Russia the figures are very low. In France too, but in Russia there are very low indicators for the number of women in leadership positions.

In France, articles about feminism are now published almost every day. About three years ago, when I said that I was a feminist, everyone raised their finger to their temple. And now almost all women of my age (I’m 24) will say: “Of course, I’m a feminist too.” Yes, and men will say so. So the situation is much better than five years ago.

Sometimes being a woman is difficult, of course. It's not fair that we can't just walk around the city at one in the morning because it's dangerous for us. Of course, we have periods, and it’s easier for women than men to catch a sexually transmitted disease, this also really annoys me.

In France there is street harassment, when men shout all sorts of things at you on the street - that you are “very beautiful” or that “you are a bitch.” In Russia I didn’t encounter this at all, but in France - often, almost every day. We see this sexism, and we don’t like it. And in Russia, I have a feeling that sexism is so cunning and convenient. For both women and men. A man loves to be strong, and a woman loves to receive gifts and say: “Great, my man solves all my problems, how convenient.” And yet, men in Russia have more opportunities in life. Get a good job, you just have a better chance of living well.

Regina von Flemming

Germany, spent a year in Russia in 1989–1990, returned at the end of 1996, still lives in Moscow, independent member of the board of directors of MTS PJSC

Russia in 1989 was a career opportunity for me, plus psychological distance from home and parents. For a West German woman to be in the Eastern world meant that there was distance, and mom and dad were immediately far, far away. They were shocked, of course, when I said that I was going to the Soviet Union, and asked: “But why not to France or America?”

I don’t know why, but as soon as I said somewhere in Russia that I was German, they immediately began to treat me with such respect: “Yes?!” “Mercedes”, “BMW”, everyone here believes that “Made in Germany” is a discipline, a culture. And never in any situation have I heard any criticism regarding fascism. And after the German aggression against the Soviet Union, this was a surprise for me. In France and England it’s different, such an interesting difference, in Russia they told me: “Well, you have such a culture - Goethe, Heine.” And I told them: “Well, the Nazis also read Goethe and Heine, but we had concentration camps.” But there is such a division - that there are good Germans, and there are fascists, and I have never received any complaints.

I, of course, was very politically active back in 1985 - I worked hard and a lot for the Social Democrats, for the leftist movement. My mother had four of us (one brother and three sisters), she believed: first education, and then marriage. And she told us: “You don’t have to believe that you will have a husband for the rest of your life.” Mom influenced us very much in this regard. By the way, the main book of my life is “Russian Beauty” by Viktor Erofeev, I read it in German, the main character is also a feminist, because, in the end, she decides for herself how she will live.

In Russia, everything has changed a lot, of course, in twenty years. Women in the late 90s, like bunnies, sat next to men. This is not a Western style at all - they are very careful with their makeup and clothes. Shoes - I didn’t even understand how you could walk down the street all day in such shoes, in such heels. It was a shock, and for me later, if this is visible (shows bright red manicure), became the reason to return back. With us this was absolutely impossible: no makeup, nothing - now I have adapted.

In Russia, I often worked with women's groups - it was very simple. I love working with women who already have a child: they are super organized and happy to return to work after maternity leave. And this is a strength in Russia: they are much more integrated into economic processes. I noticed that many oligarchs work with strong women - financial directors, managers.

In Russia, of course, the old boys network is very strong (male “mafia”, connections based on previous friendships and acquaintances, employment of classmates, etc. - Author’s note), so it will be difficult for a woman in the metallurgical, oil, and gas business; it is better to choose the financial sector, insurance, and cars. This is also the situation in Germany. A woman can rise to the very top only without children. Because in our country it is very difficult to find a kindergarten, family support no longer works, everyone has moved from their cities and villages to the capitals, finding a nanny is also difficult (if you do it officially), and also, if you completely devote yourself to your career and have If you have a child, it means you are a bad mother. And vice versa, if there are no children, but you are making a career, everyone will say “well done.” This social pressure still exists today.

Surprisingly, now young women in Germany have psychologically returned and reason like this: it’s better to have a good husband, work for 3-4 years after college, and then sit at home. Everything came back, very pitifully, very little aspirations for career growth. But in Russia, it seems to me that it’s normal if you say after six months or a year: “That’s it, I came back, I want to.” And in Russia there is an opportunity - this remains after the Soviet Union - to devote oneself to purely male professions. This is a big plus. And here, historically, after the war, in 1945, it happened - the husband either died or was in captivity. Then the husbands returned home, and the women in the 50s returned back to the kitchen, children and family life. Men have very carefully relegated women to the background. In Russia, it seems to me that everything is changing, and I am waiting for there to be more women in politics.

The fact that I am a woman affected my work. If you speak harshly, they will say: “You are hysterical.” If you speak weakly, they will say: “She’s an aunt.” If you say, “Can I please finish my sentence?” (this is a very masculine turn of phrase) - they will immediately say: “She is dominant.” I work in Russia, and a man who sits far away, in peace, in Germany, will not be able to say: “Russia is easy.” The man is at the front! They won't be able to say, “She can't do it,” you know? Many women's careers began in the exotic, through the most difficult tasks, or countries, or in companies on the verge of bankruptcy, this is an opportunity, an empty niche.

And, of course, a separate conversation is personal life. The style of the 90s in Russia is parties, baths, but I categorically do not like baths, I don’t go there alone or with men. While working at Axel Springer, there was a high risk of ending up in a potentially compromising situation. Sixteen years ago I decided that I would come alone to every official evening. And that personal life is super taboo. Many people here shout at their backs: “What a whore.”

Women in Russia are a back. In a socio-economic sense. I think that without women here the country would have had complete economic bankruptcy. They work, they look after their children, they look after their parents, and their husbands. Women solve many problems that are not always noticeable and easily leave their comfort zone. They just say: “Yes, this needs to be done, it’s unpleasant, but it’s necessary.” “Everything will be fine” is not my favorite phrase, but in this case it works. Women say: “Okay, everything will be fine,” - they go and do it.

It would be great if in Russia there was less societal pressure on a woman in the sense that she definitely needs a child. And it would be very useful if people in Russia turned to psychologists more often in order to better understand themselves and get an answer to the question of why I live this way and where I got these psychological traumas from.

How tormented you were with these nasty questions: Are you married? How much do you earn? Are you on a diet? How to learn to answer such tactless questions quickly and originally.

I didn’t get married for a long time, and I was tormented by all sorts of familiar aunties and girlfriends and others interested in their personal lives: "Are you married?" or “Aren’t you going to get married?” . For people who are sure that every girl has dreamed of buying a wedding dress since birth, it’s easier to answer something like: “Yes, I’m already divorced, now I’m looking for a new victim. Are you married yourself? How’s your husband, handsome?” or “It’s too early for me to get married.” Option: “Scientists have proven that after marriage, people have sex less often. So I’ll take another walk” - had a very good effect on my annoying friends.

After some time I got married, I thought everyone would leave me behind, but that was not the case. A month after the wedding, everyone started pestering me with questions, am I pregnant and when am I going to . We had to laugh it off: “There are no problems, we just know that there is contraception and we know how to protect ourselves” or “We are still rehearsing conception.”

She became pregnant, and now the curious began to be tormented by the question: am I suffering from toxicosis? . I had a desire to make an inscription on a T-shirt: “Toxicosis doesn’t bother me, but does it bother you?” And also from this series: “Is my husband glad that I got pregnant” answer: “No, she cries all day long.”

My mother-in-law comes to visit us, sees that I am still breastfeeding my one and a half year old baby, and every time she starts: “It’s time to quit, how long are you going to feed him?” She laughed it off: “Until you go to college, they say that the longer you feed, the greater your chances of getting a higher education.” She’s probably jealous of me that I’m as thin as a sliver, I’ve been breastfeeding for so long, and her plump daughter’s milk disappeared very quickly.

On the topic of weight. Since childhood I was thin and my grandmother terrorized me advice on how to get better. In her understanding, a woman should be as plump as a bun, although she herself retained the weight of Madonna until her deep gray hair. At first she simply answered: “I want to be a model,” then: “Let everyone be jealous,” and finally, she categorically refused to talk to her about this topic. It helped. Now that, due to sleepless nights at my little son’s bed, my weight has dropped to the level of the highest paid fashion models - she is silent.

Not everyone “suffers” from thinness; girls who are prone to being overweight have to fight off annoying things: “And you’ve recovered!” , I advise you to answer: “What are you talking about? There’s a crisis in the world, it’s me who’s swollen from hunger.”

Particularly curious people are still interested in the question: “How much do you earn? What about your husband? . For a long time I could not figure out how to answer such tactless questions, but in the end it turned out: “I have enough to live on with butter” - so far it worked.

Of course, it is important to understand whether a person is interested out of idle curiosity or is truly sincere. We need to look at the situation. If a friend asks, wanting to offend or find a new topic for gossip, it is better to limit yourself to: "It's personal" - let her think for herself what you wanted to say. The main thing is not to lie, by lying you will harm yourself.