Low self-esteem. Does self-esteem influence human behavior?

Every person at a certain period of his life begins to evaluate himself. Self-esteem can change depending on life circumstances, either positively or negatively. When talking about self-esteem, everyone understands what is meant, but it is not always possible to explain it in words. It has quite a few sides and shades: self-image, attitude towards oneself, feelings, etc. Psychologists have always been interested in whether self-esteem affects us, so they thoroughly understood this issue.

Why do you need to believe in yourself?

The attitude of people towards a person depends to a large extent on how he perceives himself. If he is confident in his abilities and has self-respect, others will treat him the same. When a person does not love himself, it is stupid and unreasonable to expect love from strangers.

As life shows, a person with low self-esteem tries to communicate with similar people. This gives him the illusion of self-affirmation, but in fact, internal uncertainty and dissatisfaction only increases.

Psychologists are confident that a person with stable and positive self-esteem can achieve a lot in life and achieve harmony.

Why is low self-esteem dangerous?

Answer to the question: “Does self-esteem influence a person’s behavior?” - definitely positive. There is a direct connection between how a person feels about himself and the quality of his life. People who treat themselves without due respect and consider themselves worthless are sure that their lives are also not worthy of making it better. Sometimes the situation changes if a person begins to make efforts and change his usual way of life. The psyche is designed in such a way that the more a person does, the more he appreciates it.

What does inner self-confidence give?

A person who is confident in himself, has his own position and knows how to defend it. He relies only on himself, although he is not afraid to entrust certain matters to others. A confident person is not afraid of change and always tries to improve his life. Unlike people who are dissatisfied with themselves, he takes responsibility for all his words and actions.

People with positive self-esteem usually have a fairly clear understanding of what they want. Goals and plans are clearly outlined, and the person confidently moves towards their implementation. People who are insecure can rarely describe specifically what they would like to change, and their goals are often incredibly inflated. They fail to achieve them, and their self-esteem drops even lower.

Naturally, high self-esteem will not save you from life’s difficulties and adversities, but it will be much easier to overcome them. A person who is confident in his abilities finds new methods to solve problems and perceives difficulties as a routine. People with low self-esteem prefer to hide from their sorrows. For them, any experience of failure is very painful and unsettles them for a long time. Therefore, they pretend that everything is fine with them and avoid making a decision.

Harmony and mental health

When studying how self-esteem affects health, it is necessary to understand that in order for a person to achieve psychological comfort, he must trust himself. It will not be possible to form this feeling if self-esteem is very low and there is no self-respect. Then the person will behave inconsistently and break the promises he made to himself.

People with low self-esteem often go to extremes: they either completely ignore their own experiences and succumb to the influence of others, or give in to their emotions completely, not paying attention to the signals of the mind.

How does self-esteem affect relationships with people?

The influence of self-esteem on a person’s behavior in society should not be underestimated. Your attitude towards yourself is also reflected in your relationships with others. A person who values ​​and respects himself does not associate his actions and actions with the opinions of other people. He calmly accepts disagreements and is not afraid of disapproval. In conflict situations, he does not lose respect either for himself or for those whose opinions differ from his own.

Does self-esteem influence human behavior? Psychologists insist that independence and internal freedom make it possible to independently navigate one’s behavior, make decisions and take responsibility for them. Such a person does not try to create a fictitious image just to earn approval.

Makes people seek approval from others. They think that this way they will be in demand and will be appreciated. But it is impossible to develop self-respect at the expense of others. This is achieved by internal work, which is not related to the actions and opinions of others.

Protection from conviction

When thinking about whether self-esteem influences a person’s behavior, it is worth noting that people with low self-esteem react very painfully to any criticism and disapproval. They try in every possible way to protect themselves from condemnation. Experts identify four main methods of removal.

• Accusation. If this method is used, a person constantly looks for someone to blame and, naturally, finds one. He finds fault with little things and is always dissatisfied with everything.
• Ingratiation. In this case, an insecure person is ready to do literally anything for others just to be satisfied with him. He never argues and always waits for instructions.
• Calculation. By choosing this path, people completely block their emotions and never show what they feel. They speak in a monotone voice and their words are often abstract.
• Suspension. A person never reacts to what others do. He talks on neutral topics and does not answer questions. With his entire appearance, the person demonstrates that he does not hear anything, and in general he is not here.

All these types may have different variations, but the goal is the same: to protect yourself from attacks and criticism.

What will help increase self-esteem?

The level of self-esteem influences all a person’s actions, but it can be raised through internal work. Self-respect should not depend on the opinions of others. The more a person takes care of himself and his life, the higher his self-esteem. Caring can take different directions.

You need to be sensitive to your own emotions; you cannot completely ignore them. Then internal discomfort increases, and achieving harmony will be very difficult. It is useful to ask yourself questions about what feelings are being experienced at the moment, what reaction to what is happening, and what is the assessment of your own reaction. They will help you understand and understand what causes an inner feeling of pride, and what, on the contrary, causes uncertainty and self-condemnation.

Factors influencing the development of self-esteem also include one’s own attitude towards other people. When a person accepts others as they are and behaves towards them honestly and sincerely, he begins to respect himself more and be proud of himself.

What lowers self-esteem?

Psychologists identify the main mistakes that reduce self-esteem and prevent a person from appreciating himself.

• Self-pity. A person who constantly remembers his failures feels unhappy and feels helpless because he can no longer change anything. People who are unable to manage their own lives often feel sorry for themselves. They surrender to the mercy of those around them and watch from the sidelines as they themselves “float” with the flow. A person who is used to experiencing allows himself to be criticized, offended and wounded.
• Accusations and complaints. It is difficult for a person who lacks self-confidence to take responsibility. It is much more convenient for him to blame someone else for his own failures. By belittling others, he rises and rehabilitates himself in his own eyes. Often a person blames others for his weaknesses and endows them with qualities that he does not like in himself.
• The habit of considering oneself a hopeless person. Aspects of self-esteem that influence people's behavior include analyzing one's own shortcomings. A negative attitude towards oneself also manifests itself externally: constrained movements, lowered head, dull eyes. A person with high self-esteem is physically relaxed and calm.

Showing insecurity

Two main criteria for their behavior will help identify people with low self-esteem.

• Reaction to criticism. People who are insecure about themselves are very sensitive to it and even take all comments personally. Low self-esteem does not allow you to assess the situation, admit and correct your own mistakes.
• Use of masks. People who put on various masks consider themselves worse than everyone else and try to play someone else's role. Thinking about the question: “Low self-esteem and its impact on a person’s life,” they try to hide their true feelings and demonstrate self-confidence. This can be expressed through boasting, loud laughter, or familiarity.

Introduction

The purpose of this work is to trace the relationship between self-esteem and social behavior of an individual in the works of domestic and foreign authors.

The subject of this study is the relationship between self-esteem and social behavior of an individual.

The object of the study is self-esteem.

1) Conducting a theoretical and methodological review of the literature

2) Discussion of the results of theoretical and empirical research

3) Generalization of the results obtained

4)Formulation of main conclusions

I .Self-esteem as a factor of human personality and its origins

Self-esteem is the value and significance that an individual attributes to himself as a whole and to individual aspects of his personality, activities, and behavior (No. 16, p. 343). Self-esteem acts as a relatively stable structural formation, a component of self-concept, self-knowledge, and as a process of self-esteem. The basis of self-esteem is the individual’s system of personal meanings, the system of values ​​adopted by him. It is considered as a central personal formation and a central component of the self-concept.

In the studies of A.Z. Zak (No. 8, pp. 106 – 108), self-esteem is presented as a means of analysis and awareness by the subject of his own ways of solving problems, on which an internal plan of action, a generalized scheme of an individual’s activity, is built.

T. Shibutani (No. 22, p. 220) speaks about self-esteem this way: “If personality is an organization of values, then the core of such functional unity is self-esteem.”

The leading role is given to self-esteem within the framework of the study of problems of self-awareness: it is characterized as the core of this process, an indicator of the individual level of its development, its personal aspect, organically included in the process of self-knowledge. Self-esteem is associated with the evaluative functions of self-knowledge, which absorb the emotional and value attitude of the individual towards himself, the specifics of his understanding of himself (http:psi.lib.ru/detsad/sbor/saodshv.htm).

B.G. Ananyev (No. 1) expressed the opinion that self-esteem is the most complex and multifaceted component of self-awareness (a complex process of indirect knowledge of oneself, unfolded in time, associated with the movement from single, situational images through the integration of similar situational images into a holistic education - the concept own Self (No. 26)), which is a direct expression of the assessment of other persons participating in the development of the individual.

Self-awareness belongs to the integral subject and serves him to organize his own activities, his relationships with others and his communication with them (

I.Yu. Kulagina, V.N. Kolyutsky (No. 12, p. 294) say that the formation of the “I” concept is the most important stage in the development of self-awareness.

Self-esteem is also considered as an element of self-attitude, along with self-respect, self-sympathy, self-acceptance, etc. (No. 17, p. 124). This is how I.S. Kon speaks (No. 11, p. 109) about self-respect, defining it as the final dimension of the “I”, expressing the measure of an individual’s acceptance or rejection of himself.

A.N. Leontyev proposes to comprehend self-esteem through the category “feeling” as a stable emotional attitude that has “a pronounced objective character, which is the result of a specific generalization of emotions” (No. 13, p. 304).

Gippenreiter Yu. B. (No. 6) gives the difference between self-knowledge, self-esteem, self-awareness and introspection, in the words of the world famous storyteller G.Kh. Andersen from the fairy tale “The Ugly Duckling”: “Remember that exciting moment when the duckling, having become a young swan, swam up to the royal birds and said: “Kill me!”, still feeling like an ugly and pathetic creature. Could he, through one “introspection,” change this self-esteem if his admiring relatives had not bowed their heads before him?

The structure of self-esteem is represented by two components – cognitive and emotional. The first reflects a person’s knowledge about himself, the second – his attitude towards himself as a measure of self-satisfaction (http:psi.lib.ru/detsad/sbor/saodshv.htm).

In the activity of self-assessment, these components function in an inextricable unity: neither one nor the other can be presented in its pure form /I.I. Chesnokova/. Knowledge about oneself, acquired by a subject in a social context, inevitably becomes overgrown with emotions, the strength and intensity of which is determined by the significance of the assessed content for the individual (No. 23).
The basis of the cognitive component of self-esteem is the operation of comparing oneself with other people, comparing one’s qualities with developed standards, and recording a possible discrepancy between these values ​​/L.I. Korneeva/. Suverova E.I. (MOSU) (No. 23).

Self-esteem is characterized by the following parameters:

1) level – high, medium, low

2) in relation to real success – adequate and inadequate

3) structural features - conflict and non-conflict

Based on the nature of their temporal relevance, prognostic, current and retrospective self-esteem are distinguished.

The psychological dictionary says: “The self-esteem of a developed individual forms a complex system that determines the nature of the individual’s self-attitude and includes general self-esteem, reflecting the level of self-esteem, holistic acceptance or non-acceptance of oneself, and partial, private self-esteem, characterizing the attitude towards individual aspects of one’s personality, actions, and the success of individual types of activities. Self-esteem can be of different levels of awareness” (No. 16, p. 343).

The analysis of self-esteem as self-assessment of activity made it possible to identify several of its functions: prognostic (consisting in the regulation of personality activity at the very initial stage of activity), corrective (aimed at monitoring and making the necessary adjustments) and retrospective (used by the subject at the final stage of activity to summarize, correlate goals , ways and means of performing activities with its results (No. 21, pp. 22-23).

Let's analyze self-esteem using the concepts of activity categories - result, means, operations:

1) As a result of self-assessment, researchers highlight the following characteristics: as a result of self-assessment, the individual finds out whether the performance exceeds the standard, equals it or does not reach it (No. 20, p. 191); the person checks himself against the standard and, depending on the results of the test, is satisfied or dissatisfied with himself (No. 14, p. 410); a person’s statement of the qualitative, meaningful features of his Self, his physical strengths, mental abilities, actions, his attitude towards others and himself (No. 21, p. 9); self-esteem is of two kinds: self-satisfaction and dissatisfaction with oneself (No. 7, p. 88); self-esteem answers the question: “not what I have, but what it’s worth, what it means” (No. 4, p. 99).

Thus, the result of self-esteem is either a statement of certain qualities, or the result of comparing these qualities with a certain standard, or the result of some emotional-sensual relationship.

2) To study issues of self-esteem, research on self-assessment tools is also of great importance.

As means or standards of self-assessment, the following parameters are used: value orientations and personality ideals (Petrovsky A.V.), worldview (Rubinshtein S.L.), level of aspirations (Bozhovich L.I., Heckhausen H., etc.) , “I”-concept (Sokolova E.T., Stolin V.V.), requirements imposed by the team (Savonko E.I.).

So, the functions of self-esteem means can be of two types: cognitive (self-concept or its individual aspects) and affective (values, ideals, level of aspirations, requirements). Summarizing this point, we can conclude that almost any phenomenon of a person’s existence (including self-esteem itself) can be self-evaluated by him, i.e. the content field of self-esteem is endless.

3) In self-assessment, the following operations are distinguished: self-knowledge as constructing the image “I am real” (No. 4, p. 141), comparison of the assessed quality with the standard (No. 21, p. 24), causal attribution of the result of the comparison (No. 21, vol. 1, p.408); reaction (attitude, self-acceptance) to the achieved result (No. 7, p. 368). Causal attribution of the result is considered as an additional procedure that can be applied to both the result of comparison and the result of self-attitude, if they do not somehow satisfy the self-evaluator . Then it turns out that in self-esteem there are only 2 types of fundamental operations: comparison and self-attitude, which, placed in different contexts, take on different meanings (for example, the projection of the “real self” onto the “ideal self” is based on comparison, Petrovsky A.V. ), self-criticism. As its basis, self-attitude has self-acceptance (Borozdina L, V, ibid.), self-satisfaction and dissatisfaction with oneself (No. 2, p. 368).

Self-esteem is dominant, and its expression is considered to be the level of aspirations, concludes L.V. Borozdina. (No. 4, p. 141). That is, the level of aspirations is considered a manifestation of self-esteem in the action of the individual. A similar problem arises in distinguishing the concepts of self-esteem and achievement motivation. For example, Heckhausen H. states that “the achievement motive acts as a system of self-esteem” (No. 19, p. 194).

According to E.A. Serebryakova (No. 18, pp. 42-44), ideas about one’s capabilities make the subject unstable in choosing goals: his aspirations rise sharply after success and fall just as sharply after failure.

Level of aspiration - characterizes: 1) the level of difficulty, the achievement of which is the common goal of a series of future actions (ideal goal); 2) the subject’s choice of the goal of the next action, formed as a result of experiencing the success or failure of a number of past actions (the level of aspirations at the moment); 3) the desired level of personal self-esteem (I level). The desire to increase self-esteem in conditions when a person is free to choose the degree of difficulty of the next action leads to a conflict of two tendencies - the tendency to increase aspirations in order to achieve maximum success, and the tendency to lower them in order to avoid failure. The experience of success (or failure), which arises as a result of achieving (or not achieving) the level of aspirations, entails a shift in the level of aspirations to the area of ​​more difficult (or easier) tasks. A decrease in the difficulty of the chosen goal after success or an increase in it after failure (an atypical change in the level of aspirations) indicates an unrealistic level of aspirations or inadequate self-esteem (No. 34).

“Self-esteem is directly proportional to success and inversely proportional to aspirations, that is, potential successes that an individual intended to achieve,” in the form of a formula this can be presented as follows:

Self-esteem = aspirations / capabilities.

Self-esteem is interpreted as a personal formation that is directly involved in the regulation of human behavior and activity, as an autonomous characteristic of the individual, its central component, formed with the active participation of the individual himself and reflecting the originality of his inner world (http:psi.lib.ru/detsad/sbor/ saodshv.htm).

The origins of the ability to evaluate oneself are laid in early childhood, and its development and improvement occurs throughout a person’s life (No. 23).

According to many psychologists, personality structure and the foundations of self-esteem are formed in the first five years of a person’s life (No. 3, p. 103)

Usually, an opinion about oneself is based on the attitude of other people towards us (No. 10, p. 284). There are several sources of self-esteem formation that change the weight of significance at different stages of personality development: assessment of other people; circle of significant others or reference group; current comparison with others; - comparison of the real and ideal self (No. 27).

Self-esteem is also formed on the basis of assessing the results of one’s own activities, as well as on the basis of the relationship between real and ideal ideas about oneself (No. 16, p. 343).

Low self-esteem can be due to many reasons: it can be learned in childhood from parents who have not dealt with their personal problems; it can develop in a child due to poor performance at school; due to ridicule from peers or excessive criticism from adults; Personal problems and inability to behave in certain situations also form a person’s unflattering opinion of himself (No. 19, p. 484).

Sanford and Donovan, corroborating what C.T. Faulcan said, say that the assessment came from the outside - from parents "who reprimanded you, told you you were bad, peers who made fun of your red hair, your nose or the fact that you couldn't do math quickly... No one can acquire low self-esteem in isolation, Sanford points out, and none of us can change it alone...” (No. 27).

R. Burns speaks similarly on this matter: “If parents, acting as a social mirror for a child, show love, respect and trust in their treatment of him, the child gets used to treating himself as a person worthy of these feelings” (No. 3, p. . 157).

I.Yu. Kulagina, V.N. Kolyutsky (No. 12, p. 272) emphasize that in children with high or low self-esteem, it is extremely difficult to change its level.

Coopersmith notes that to form a positive self-esteem, three conditions are necessary: ​​complete internal acceptance by parents of their child; clear and consistent requirements; respect for the child’s individuality within established limits (No. 3, p. 159)

Chuck T. Faulcan (No. 19, p. 485) says that if a person does what he loves, over time he gains experience and skill of which he has the right to be proud. This is one of the conditions that make up normal self-esteem. Each person creates for himself an image of an ideal “I”. It has qualities that are valuable in the eyes of parents, peers, teachers and people in authority (No. 10, p. 286). It may change depending on the environment. If actual qualities match or approach the ideal, the person will have high self-esteem.

A sober and objective attitude towards oneself forms the basis of normal self-esteem (No. 19, p. 485).

To summarize, we can conclude: self-esteem is a component of self-awareness, has a reflexive nature, includes such elements as: the image of the “real self”, the “ideal self”, the result of comparing these images and self-attitude to the result of the comparison. Self-esteem is a reflexive component of self-awareness that performs a regulatory function. Self-esteem is the attitude of an individual to the results of comparing his images of the real and ideal “I”.

II .Study of the influence of self-esteem on the social behavior of an individual

Self-esteem plays a very important role in organizing effective management of one’s behavior; without it, it is difficult or even impossible to determine one’s self in life (No. 27).

A person’s relationships with others, his criticality, self-demandingness, and attitude toward successes and failures depend on self-esteem. Self-esteem is closely related to the level of a person’s aspirations, that is, the degree of difficulty of the goals that he sets for himself. The discrepancy between a person’s aspirations and real capabilities leads to the fact that he begins to incorrectly evaluate himself, as a result of which his behavior becomes inadequate (emotional breakdowns, increased anxiety, etc. occur). Self-esteem receives objective expression in how a person evaluates the capabilities and results of the activities of others (for example, he belittles them with inflated self-esteem) (No. 34).

The first to identify the type of family situation that forms a positive self-concept in a child was Scott (No. 3, pp. 144-145). Having studied 1,800 teenagers, he found that those who have an atmosphere of mutual respect and trust between parents and children at home, a willingness to accept each other, are more adjusted in life, independent, and have higher self-esteem. On the contrary, teenagers from families where there is discord are less well adjusted.

Thus, high self-esteem develops in children in families characterized by cohesion and solidarity. (No. 3, pp. 149-150) . The mother's attitude towards her husband is more positive here. In the eyes of a child, parents are always successful. He readily follows the behavioral patterns they set, persistently and successfully solves the daily tasks that confront him, as he feels confident in his abilities. He is less susceptible to stress and anxiety, and perceives the world around him and himself kindly and realistically.

Boys with high self-esteem have a higher level of aspirations (No. 3, p. 150). Thus, children with high self-esteem set higher goals for themselves and are more likely to achieve success. Conversely, children with low self-esteem are characterized by very modest goals and uncertainty about the possibility of achieving them.

Coopersmith (ibid., p. 150) describes boys with high self-esteem this way: they are independent, self-reliant, sociable, and convinced of the success of any task entrusted to them. This self-confidence helps them stick to their opinions, allows them to defend their views and judgments in controversial situations, and makes them receptive to new ideas. Self-confidence, along with a sense of self-worth, gives rise to conviction that one is right and courage to express one’s beliefs. This attitude and corresponding expectations provide them not only with a more independent status in social relations, but also with considerable creative potential and the ability for energetic and positive social actions. They usually take an active position in group discussions. By their own admission, they do not experience any particular difficulties when approaching new people, they are ready to express their opinion, knowing that it will be met with hostility. An important feature of children with high self-esteem is that they are less preoccupied with their internal problems.

“High self-esteem,” says R. Burns, “(No. 3, p. 151) ensures good mastery of the technique of social contacts, allows the individual to show his worth without making much effort. The child acquired the ability to cooperate in the family, the confidence that he is surrounded by love, care and attention. All this creates a solid foundation for his social development.”

The behavior of people with high self-esteem (No. 3, p. 151) is the opposite of the picture of behavior of people experiencing depression, well known to psychotherapists. The latter are characterized by passivity, lack of self-confidence, in the correctness of their observations and judgments; they do not find the strength to influence other people, resist them, and cannot easily and without internal hesitation express their opinion.

Poor self-esteem, Sanford and Donovan say, is at the root of many of the problems women may have, from overeating to alcoholism. “If we don't love ourselves, we marry men unworthy of us, choose jobs that are too easy for us, and make other mistakes, ranging from poisoning ourselves with drugs to too much tolerance, which is based on, Sanford notes. lies our opinion that we deserve it" (). Research shows that self-deprecating (“if only…”) behaviors, such as focusing on one's shortcomings or exaggerating the importance of failure, are associated with depression. According to the American Psychological Association, low self-esteem is clearly an important factor in the development of depression. Low self-esteem has been cited as a factor influencing the high prevalence of depression among women, who suffer from depression twice as often as men.

“Self-esteem is an important factor, since it reflects a person’s confidence in his professional and personal strengths, his self-esteem and adequacy to what is happening. Optimal – high self-esteem (

30. http:psi.lib.ru/detsad/sbor/saodshv.htm

31. http:linky.ru/~alexxxey/book/tom.htm

33. http:www.cross-edu.ru/IpkCdoSt12.htm

34. http://encikl.by/ru/txt/uu15.htm

People with high self-esteem set higher goals for themselves than those they can actually achieve; they have a high level of aspirations that does not correspond to their real capabilities. Healthy personality traits: dignity, pride, self-love - degenerate into arrogance, vanity, and self-centeredness.

Inadequate self-esteem of one's capabilities and an inflated level of aspirations cause excessive self-confidence. The development of excessive self-confidence may be a consequence of the appropriate upbringing style in the family and school. Undeserved praise and encouragement contribute to the formation in such a person of a consciousness of exclusivity, a distorted idea of ​​one’s own capabilities, and a biased assessment of the results of one’s activities. Self-confident people are not prone to introspection. Coupled with uncritical thinking, lack of discipline, and lack of necessary self-control, this leads to making erroneous decisions and taking risky actions. Further loss of the sense of necessary caution negatively affects the safety, reliability and efficiency of all human life activities. The absence or insufficient need for self-improvement makes it difficult to include them in the process of self-education.

People with low self-esteem tend to set lower goals for themselves than they can achieve, exaggerating the significance of failures. With low self-esteem, a person is characterized by the other extreme, the opposite of self-confidence - excessive self-doubt. Uncertainty, often objectively unfounded, is a stable personality quality and leads to the formation in a person of such traits as humility, passivity, and an “inferiority complex.” This is reflected in the person’s appearance: his head is pulled into his shoulders, his gait is hesitant, he is gloomy and unsmiling. Others sometimes mistake such a person for an angry, angry, uncommunicative person, and the consequence of this is isolation from people and loneliness.

Some subjective factors can also contribute to the development of self-doubt: the type of higher nervous activity, temperamental traits, etc.

For example, uncertainty acts as one of the characteristics of anxiety. Overcoming uncertainty through the process of self-education is difficult due to a person’s lack of faith in his capabilities, prospects and final results.

The most favorable is adequate self-esteem, which presupposes equal recognition by a person of both his strengths and weaknesses. Optimal self-esteem, expressed through the positive personality trait of confidence, is based on the necessary experience and relevant knowledge. Self-confidence allows a person to regulate the level of aspirations and correctly assess their own capabilities in relation to various life situations. A confident person is distinguished by determination, firmness, the ability to find and make logical decisions, and consistently implement them.

A confident person is critical of mistakes made, analyzing their causes, so as not to repeat them again. Hence the conclusion: we must strive to develop adequate self-esteem based on self-knowledge.

Having known and assessed himself, a person can more consciously, rather than spontaneously, manage his behavior and engage in self-education.

Affect of inadequacy arises as an attempt by people with high self-esteem to protect themselves from real circumstances and maintain their usual self-esteem. This leads to disruption of relationships with other people. Experiencing resentment and injustice allows you to feel good, remain at the proper level in your own eyes, and consider yourself injured or offended. This elevates a person in his own eyes and eliminates dissatisfaction with himself. The need for inflated self-esteem is satisfied and there is no need to change it, that is, to come to grips with self-government. Conflicts inevitably arise with people who have different ideas about a given individual, his abilities, capabilities and value to society. The affect of inadequacy is a psychological defense it is a temporary measure because it does not solve the main problem, namely, a fundamental change in suboptimal self-esteem, which is the cause of unfavorable interpersonal relationships.

? “is inherently incorrect, since any assessment destroys our spiritual essence.

From a psychological point of view, self-esteem is a person’s personal attitude towards himself. And how an individual treats himself determines his behavior in society, which is quite logical. Psychologists distinguish between normal, high and low self-esteem.

However, self-esteem is a product of our mind or brain, a completely material object.

And a person is initially the embodiment of a spirit that comes into the world to learn the lessons of the material level. In other words, the spiritual principle chooses a material body as a friend for the duration of its stay in the material world.

Since man is a spiritual being, then how can he evaluate his Spirit with his mind?!

Self-esteem, as a material level tangible through the senses, is consonant with the words “be good!”

But to man you just have to be , the way the Almighty (God, the Universe) created it.

Just To be youreself and being good (pleasing to communicate in society) are mutually exclusive concepts

Learn to be yourself

A person with “normal self-esteem” (interpretation by psychologists), in my opinion, is one of the few on Earth who balanced and able to be himself either from birth or as a result
education by balanced parents.

Very few people have genetically inherited a sense of self-worth from their ancestors or grew up in a family where the parents themselves lived with a sense of self-worth and, loving unconditionally, treated their child with respect from infancy.

But most people come into this world learn to be yourself , to be an individual. He comes to correct the mistakes of his ancestors and parents, who have “high” or “low” self-esteem, in the language of psychologists.

Self-esteem arises from internal stress: that I am not like everyone else, malice that everything is not
they treat me the way I would like, etc.

Do not agree? Do you think that you have no fears and anger? Then think about how many wishes you have! And every desire is there fear not getting what you want. If you often don’t get what you want, you begin to get angry with yourself, with everyone around you, blame circumstances, etc.

Some people develop low self-esteem: they become timid, unsure of themselves, considering all people smarter, more successful, and happier. They often blame themselves and react painfully to criticism.

Others suffer from high self-esteem. Not satisfied with themselves in their souls, they want to appear better in front of others. Therefore, they behave defiantly, arrogantly, arrogantly. They want everyone to consider them the best, to recognize their superiority. They react aggressively to criticism.

Don't judge yourself, don't question yourself does self-esteem influence human behavior.

What should you do in order not to evaluate yourself, and live in harmony with your soul and spirit, and feel happy?

Learn to be yourself:

1. Stop comparing yourself to others and to your past self. You are God's highest creation. You are unique; from birth you have certain talents that you need to discover through trial and error.

2. Stop criticizing and blaming yourself for mistakes in life. After all, if a person does not make mistakes, he will not learn his life lessons and will not correct the mistakes of his ancestors.

3. Love yourself the way God created you! Love unconditionally, forgive yourself for mistakes. Draw conclusions from your mistakes so as not to make them again.

4. Accept each of the people around you for who they are. Don't criticize, don't judge. This is how God created him. Everyone has their own life lessons.

5. Don't try to please everyone. Try To be youreself, listen to your heart, not your inflamed mind. The desire to be liked by others is in every person. But don’t let this desire overwhelm you, don’t let it be excessive and destructive for you.

6. Remember that you are a spiritual being. What does it mean?

You cannot see your spiritual essence in reality. But if you look with your heart, you can imagine it.

Imagine a point from which energy waves emanate in different directions. They endless. This is you, a person, that is, a spiritual being.

Do you have a beginning or an end? No. There is only the center.

Does life have a beginning and an end? By the sky? From God? No. After all, it is the same energy.

Think about it: “I am limitless, life is limitless, God is limitless. The center of my life is in me, and I and my center are in them.” In other words: “Everything is in me, and I am in everything.”

Each of us could see and feel this in our hearts if we did not limit ourselves fears.

Our limitations lead to stress and illness, to low or high self-esteem.

Dear readers, remember that you are the center of everything that exists! Learn to know yourself and people, those around you, then life will not be a problem for you. Your behavior will be natural, dictated by self-respect. And the question will not sound like influence of self-esteem on human behavior.

How do family relationships and ways of raising children affect their self-esteem? Whether a person will have low or high self-esteem strongly depends on the behavior of the parents towards the child. Do you need to increase your self-esteem and does your child need to increase their self-esteem? Here are questions that will not replace a self-esteem test, but will help you figure out what it depends on.

Listening to the stories of adult patients in psychotherapy sessions and noting the circumstances of their past, in which sometimes tragic decisions were made, it is not difficult to understand the omissions and needs of childhood. Having understood what the wounds were inflicted, it is logical to assume how they could have been avoided.

These are the questions I use in my psychotherapeutic practice to explore the origins of low self-esteem in childhood. This list can help self-analysis of adults, and also become a guide for parents who think that something is wrong with their child’s self-esteem.

When you were a child, did your parents' behavior make you feel like you were living in a rational, predictable, and understandable world? Or is the world contradictory, incomprehensible and unknowable? Did you feel that in your home obvious facts were acknowledged and respected or avoided and denied?

Have you been told that it is important to learn to think and develop intelligence? Did your parents stimulate your intellect and instill in you the idea that using your own mind is necessary and enjoyable? Was mindfulness valued in your parents' home?

Have you been encouraged to think for yourself and develop your unique abilities? Or were you required to be purely obedient instead of mentally active and willing to ask questions? (Additional questions: Did your parents instill in you that it is more important to agree with other people's beliefs than to seek the truth? When they wanted to get something out of you, did they appeal to your understanding and explain the reasons if possible and appropriate? Or did they communicate so: “Do as I say”?) What were you called to - humility or self-responsibility?

Were you able to express your opinions freely and openly without fear of punishment? Was self-expression and assertion safe?

Did your parents express their disapproval through jokes and sarcasm about your thoughts, desires, or behavior? Was self-expression associated with humiliation?

Did your parents treat you with respect? (Additional questions: Were your thoughts, needs, and feelings taken into account? Were your human dignity recognized? Were your ideas and opinions taken seriously? Were adults respectful of your likes and dislikes? Were your wishes responded to thoughtfully and again with respect?) Were you implicitly encouraged to respect yourself, to take your thoughts seriously, to exercise your mind?

Did you feel that you were psychologically visible to your parents, that you were noticed and understood? Did you feel like you were real to them? (Additional questions: Do you feel like your parents made a sincere effort to understand you? Did they really care about you as a person? Were you able to talk to your parents about important issues with an engaged, meaningful understanding? Was there a consistency between your self-image and what your parents instilled in you?)

Did you feel loved and valued by your parents as a source of joy? Or did you feel like an unwanted burden? Did you feel hatred from them? Or were you simply treated with indifference? Did your parents make an effort to make you feel loved?

Did your parents treat you fairly and honestly? (Additional questions: Did your parents use threats to control your behavior - threats of immediate punishment from them, long-term consequences for your life, punishment from God, for example, that you will go to hell? Did they approve of you when you did good, or were they just criticized for bad behavior? Were your parents ready to admit their mistakes? Or did this contradict their position?) Did you feel that you lived in a reasonable, fair and sane environment?

Did your parents discipline you with punishment or beatings? Was fear a means of manipulation and control?

Did your parents show faith that you were inherently good and capable? Or did they think that you were a total disappointment, good for nothing, unachievable, and generally bad? Did you feel like your parents were on your side and supported the best in you?

Did your parents let you know that they believed in your intellectual and creative potential? Or did they show with all their appearance that they consider you stupid, inadequate, untalented? Did you feel valued for your intelligence and abilities?

When analyzing your behavior and progress, did your parents take into account your knowledge, needs, interests and specific circumstances? Or were expectations and demands too high? Have you been motivated to see your wants and needs as important?

Did your parents' behavior and manner of communicating with you contribute to your feelings of guilt? Have you been encouraged (explicitly or implicitly) to think of yourself as bad?

Did your parents' behavior and manner of communicating with you contribute to your fear? Have you been encouraged to think not to gain value or feel satisfaction, but to avoid negative feelings or disapproval?

Did your parents respect your intellectual and physical integrity? Did they respect your dignity and rights?

Did your parents tell you that it is in your best interest to feel good about yourself, that is, to have healthy self-esteem? Or were you discouraged from valuing yourself and cultivated humility in you? Was self-esteem considered a good quality in your home?

Did your parents instill in you the importance of being able to build your own life? (Additional questions: Did your parents teach you that people, and you in particular, are capable of great things? Did your parents give you the feeling that life could be exciting, exciting, a real adventure?) Were you offered an optimistic picture of life's possibilities?

Did your parents cultivate in you fear of the world, of other people? Have you been taught that the world is full of evil?

Have you been encouraged to openly express your emotions and desires? Or did your parents’ behavior and treatment of you make you afraid of emotional self-affirmation and openness, considering them inappropriate? Were emotional honesty, self-expression, and self-acceptance supported?

Were your mistakes considered a normal part of the learning process? Or did they entail ridicule and punishment? Have you been taught to face life's new challenges and lessons without fear?

Did your parents cultivate in you a healthy and positive attitude towards sex and your own body? Or was the attitude negative? Or did they act as if this aspect did not exist at all? Did you feel supported in developing a happy and positive relationship with your physical existence and developing sexuality?

Did your parents' way of communicating with you contribute to the development and strengthening of your sense of masculinity or femininity? Or did it lead to confusion and depression? If you are a man, did your parents instill in you the feeling that being a man is desirable? Or a woman if you are a woman?

Did your parents instill in you that your life belongs to you? Or have you been made to think that you are simply property of the family and that your achievements are only significant insofar as they serve the glory of your parents? (Bonus question: Were you treated as “family property” or as an individual in your own right?) Did they help you understand that you are not on Earth to meet someone else’s expectations?

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