Jokes for 9 year olds about old ladies. The funniest children's jokes

28.06.2020

Jokes for children are short funny stories. They usually have no author and belong to the folklore genre.

Children love jokes no less than adults. Children's jokes about school allow you to joke about what makes you sad. School jokes make fun of lazy students, angry teachers, indifferent parents, etc.

Anecdotes can have a wide variety of topics, covering all aspects of life. Sometimes funny phrases spoken by children become jokes.

Laughter when reading or listening to a joke is caused by an unexpected denouement, a play on words, or the replacement of the usual meaning of concepts with a new one. Humor and wit are very useful qualities that require development no less than logic or creativity. This genre also has negative sides: the presence of profanity, vulgarity, etc. in some jokes.

Do you need funny stories?

Laughter improves the mood of children and, according to scientists, prolongs the life of adults. So that your child does not need to listen to vulgar street jokes, tell him good ones. Let him have magazines or books with different jokes that he can read. A sense of humor is valued among children; a witty storyteller becomes the life of the party.

If your child can joke about his shortcomings, he will be less stressed. The main thing in jokes is the opportunity for freedom of expression, humor that makes fun of shortcomings and vices, and a different perspective on problems.

Anecdotes may not be clear. The reason for this is differences in nationality, age or other personal characteristics. Therefore, children's jokes differ from those of adults. What can make a child laugh may be incomprehensible to an adult and vice versa.

About school

During a math lesson, the teacher asks a poor student who is reciting the Pythagorean Theorem at the blackboard to prove it. To which he offendedly declares: “What evidence do you have, you don’t believe me?”

On September 1, 1.6 million first-graders sat down at their desks on charges of illiteracy for at least 9 years.

In a geography lesson in 7th grade, the teacher is trying to explain to the student how to determine the cardinal directions using a compass. “Here, look, when the arrow points up, it’s north, then to your left is west, and to your right is east, tell me, what’s behind you?” The student, blushing: “A hole in your pants?”

About children

At a clinic appointment, a child psychologist asks the child questions:

Tell me, how many legs does a cat have?
Four.
How many ears?
How many eyes?

The kid turns to his mother and asks: “Mom, uncle, have you never seen cats?”

About kindergarten

A little girl comes home from kindergarten and says that the teacher read them the fairy tale “About Little Red Riding Hood.” “What did you understand from this fairy tale?” asks mom. “I should remember my grandmother’s face better so as not to confuse her with a wolf,” the girl answers.

At a meeting in the nursery group of the kindergarten, a young teacher conducts pedagogical work with parents:

Dear parents, your children have learned to speak this year; if they start telling you something bad about kindergarten, do not believe them. We, in turn, promise not to believe the horrors that they tell about you.

A tired father comes to pick up his son at kindergarten. The teacher sees him for the first time, and therefore asks:

Which child should you give?
What difference does it make, bring it again tomorrow morning!

The unlucky parent answers.

The head of the kindergarten complains to the head of the military unit that after the repairs carried out by the soldiers, the children learned many words from profanity. The commander calls the soldiers to his place and asks them to explain what’s going on. Soldier Sidorov with a bandaged head explains:

Petrov stood on a stepladder, placing eight bricks into a hole in the ceiling. The solution turned out to be weak, and all the bricks fell on my head. I told Petrov: “What a bad person you are, Petrov, you don’t respect your comrade!”

About animals

Two fish are talking in a pond. One carp says: “I’m so tired of living in this cramped, dirty pond!” Another carp answers him: “Grab the hook and you’ll soon end up in sour cream!”

Computer jokes

A cactus that had been standing next to a computer monitor for 6 years learned how to reinstall Windows.

Short jokes

Inscriptions on the minibus:

“Stop “here” on a different route”;

“If no one gives way to the old lady, I, your driver, will do it”;

“If you want to live long, don’t distract the driver!”

About Pinocchio

Buratino's family tree was rooted in the earth.

About Vovochka

Vovochka says to his father at dinner:

Dad, they're calling you back to school, I broke the window.
Yes, you don’t have a school, but some kind of greenhouse.

Fairytale jokes

The kid climbed onto Carlson, and they fly over the city, making ten circles. After landing on the roof, Carlson wipes his neck and says: “Phew, I’m sweating with you!” “I peed on you,” the baby replies.

A random passerby saw a hut on chicken legs in the forest and said:

Hut, hut, turn the forest towards me, and turn your back towards me!
You put me in a difficult position with your philological delicacies of new idioms.
This is approximately what I wanted to say.

Cheburashka, standing in the wind, was brutally beaten by his ears.

Gena and Cheburashka went on vacation. Crocodile Gena drags 6 suitcases from the station, sweating profusely. Cheburashka runs behind him and shouts:

Gena, and Gena, let me take the suitcases!
And you will take me!

About adults and children

An aunt asks her niece, who is six years old:

Anechka, do you help your mother around the house?
Of course, I help, I count the silver spoons after you leave.

A little boy asks his father:

Dad, I want a real gun!
You already have a toy one.
Dad, I want a real one!
Quiet, I said! Who is the head in this house?
You're daddy, but if I had a gun...

A mother shouts from the balcony to her son playing in the yard with friends:

Vanechka, go home!

7-year-old Vanechka asks:

Mom, am I cold?
No, it's time for you to eat!

About pets

The mouse runs away from the cat and hides in a hole, losing the stolen cheese along the way. He sits quietly and suddenly hears a dog barking. “So the cat ran away, we can take the cheese,” the mouse thinks. As soon as she sticks out of the hole, the cat grabs her. “It’s so good to be able to speak a foreign language!” the cat thinks.

Children's jokes about school

Parents ask a first-grader:

- How did you like your first day? Did you like school?

- First? Just don’t tell me that I have to go there again tomorrow!

- Sasha, name me at least one transparent object

- Keyhole, Marya Ivanovna!

After anatomy lesson.

— We heard that Vitya got a bad mark on his test!

- Why?

- For the cheat sheet. The teacher caught him while he was counting his ribs.

— Doctor, my child has strabismus.

- Is it congenital?

- No, from cheating.

- How much will it be if they give you one kitten, plus two kittens and four more kittens?

- Nine.

- Listen more carefully! They gave you one kitten, then two kittens and four more. How much in total?

- Nine.

- Then it’s different! I give you one watermelon, then two and then four more watermelons! How many?

- Eight!

- Here you go! And the kitten, plus two, plus four? How much in total?

- Nine!

- Yes, why?!

— Because I already have one kitten!

- Mom, dad, we wrote at school today!

- Well, read what you wrote?

The son complains to his mother:

- I don’t want to go to school anymore!

- Why?

- Again Vasechkin will trip me up, and Ivanov will shoot at me with a slingshot, and Sidorov will throw a textbook at me!

“No, son, you need to go to school,” says mom. - Firstly, you are already 50 years old, and secondly, you are a school director.

“Daddy, the doctors gave us vaccinations at school today!”

- Well done, daughter, you didn’t cry, did you?

- No, they didn’t catch up with me.

- So that they think that they are having a holiday.

— Vovochka, what is your idea of the best school?

- Closed!

The teacher asks:

- Children, do you know that in heat all substances tend to expand, and in cold they contract?

- Certainly! - says Vovochka. — That’s why winter holidays are shorter than summer holidays.

- Sit down, Ivanov, five! Give me the diary.

- I forgot him.

- Take mine! - Vovochka whispers.

- Children, what order does the spectacled snake belong to?

- To the squad of short-sighted people!

- Vovochka, why are you so pale today?

“And my mother washed me yesterday.”

Vovochka was late for school. The teacher asks him:

- What happened, why so late?

- I was attacked by a bandit!

- Oh God! And what did he do?

- I took away my homework...

The girl complains to her parents:

- How can I get rid of this Vovochka? There is no more strength!

- Why didn’t he please you? Over there he helps carry his briefcase after class.

- Yes, I’m tired: I’ve already accumulated about fifty of them!

The latest school jokes

During the test, the teacher closely monitors the students and sometimes kicks out those who notice spurs. The director looks into the classroom.

— Are you writing a test? There are probably a lot of people here who like to cheat.

- No, the amateurs are already in the corridor, only the professionals remain.

Anatomy teacher:

—What are the last teeth a person develops?

- Plug-in.

- What time is it: I jump, you jump, he jumps, they jump?

- Turn!

- Do you know what is the worst thing for an excellent student?

- Get a bad grade?

- No, learn a lesson and not have time to answer.

There is a lesson in progress. There is noise and commotion in the next office, the teacher cannot stand it and heads there. He grabs the loudest one by the ear and takes him to his class. Ten minutes later the door opens, a student from that office looks into the classroom and quietly says:

- Can we have our teacher back?

The father asks his son:

- What can I do to stop you getting bad marks?

- Ask the teacher not to call me!

Teacher says:

- Everyone be quiet! So that you can hear a fly fly by!

Everyone immediately fell silent. Five minutes later Vanya can’t stand it and asks:

- Mikhail Ivanovich, when will you let a fly fly?

- Now let's prove the Pythagorean Theorem.

Student from the last desk:

- Maybe not? We take your word for it!

When asked about the first female pilot, the students named Baba Yaga.

I go to school - no one... I go to Odnoklassniki - the whole class!

In a math lesson:

- Anya, how much will your mother pay for 3 kilograms of potatoes if a kilogram costs 30 rubles 10 kopecks?

- That is still unknown.

- Why?

- And she always bargains.

A high school student approaches his father:

Dad, they're calling you to school.

- What happened?

- Well, it’s a little thing, I broke the window.

Father went. A few days later the son again:

- Dad, they are calling you to school.

- What did you do again?

- Yes, the laboratory room blew up.

Father went.

The son approaches him for the third time:

- Dad, they ask you to go to school again.

- That’s it, I’m tired, I won’t go anymore!

- That's right, dad. Why do you need to walk through the ruins...

Childhood is the most fun and carefree time of a person, which you often remember later in the future. In childhood, there are many funny and absurd stories that are pleasant to recall in memory after some time. This is confirmed by numerous jokes about children, in which little personalities try to be like adults, although they never succeed.

Funny jokes about children also tell the adventures of children and adults who inadvertently get involved in children's pranks and look quite stupid. However, the funniest jokes about children cannot be told without adults. Children may well do something incredible themselves, but with the help of an adult, any children's prank is transformed into an unusually funny story that is remembered for a lifetime.

The genre specificity of some jokes is so narrow that it is impossible to break out of its boundaries. Take, for example, demotivators about working in an office. The pictures will only tell you about the cool details of working in the office and that’s all. Nothing more can be added. Very funny jokes about children and parents are not surrounded by certain boundaries, since completely different situations can happen to them. And although jokes about children belong to a certain humorous genre, its boundaries are much wider than one can imagine.

Recently, the number of short jokes consisting of a few sentences has increased. also evoke a lot of strong emotions, and besides, they are much simpler and brighter than long stories. In such funny jokes about children, events unfold much faster, and there is no need to remember many names of the characters. Therefore, short jokes about children can be compared with funny jokes about doctors, where the set of characters is also minimal. That's why funniest jokes about children

consist of several sentences that can bring any reader to tears. You can find very funny jokes about children that will bring you to tears on our website. Here you can read jokes about children

every day, enjoying new jokes and jokes. Here you will find funny cartoons about work, witty sayings from great thinkers and many other humorous sections, including funny jokes about children.

They will always be distinguished by the brevity and purity of the main characters, striving with all their might to be like adults. You can find funny jokes about children that will bring you to tears thanks to our website’s search system, which, using convenient filtering, will sort out the style of humor that you need at the moment.
The geography teacher asked Bora if he knew anything about the Panama Canal.

“No,” the student answers, “there is no such channel on our TV.”
A radio was installed in one grandmother's house. In the morning at six o'clock, it spoke for the first time:
- Good morning!
Grandma jumped out of bed:

- Good health! Where are you going so early?
- Well, son, show me the diary. What did you bring from school today?
- There’s nothing to show, there’s only one deuce.
- Just one?

- Don't worry, dad, I'll bring it tomorrow!
— Hello, is this 333-33-33?
- Yes.

— Please dial “Ambulance”, otherwise my finger is stuck in the phone.
A Chukchi is walking along the road, and they ask him:
-Chukchi, where are you going?
-Give an injection, however
-To the clinic?

-No in the ass, however<Лего>I somehow bought a new Russian construction set
and boasts to his friend:<От 2-х до 4-х лет>- Hey, Vovan, look at what’s written on this piece of garbage:

. So I assembled it in two months.
Little girl talking to her father:
- Dad, today I dreamed that you gave me a small chocolate bar.

“If you obey, you’ll dream that you gave him a big one.”
- Mommy, can I go for a walk?
- With dirty ears?

- No, with comrades.
Chemistry lesson:
-Tell me, Vovochka, what substances do not dissolve in water?
Vovochka without hesitation:

The cannibals caught a tourist. They lit a fire, put a vat of water and asked:
- What is your name?
- What difference does it make to you, eat it anyway!
- What kind of thing is this, and for the menu?!

Cheburashka somehow approaches Gena and says:
— Gena, Shapoklyak gave us 10 oranges on February 23, 8 for each.
- How is it 8 each, if there are 10 of them?
- I don’t know, but I’ve already eaten my 8!

A little girl asks her grandfather:
- Grandfather, what kind of berries are these?
- This is black currant.
- Why is it red?
- Because it’s still green.

- Piglet, do you know your pedigree?
- Yeah. My grandfather (sighs) was a chopper. My father was (proudly) a kebab...
- Who do you dream of becoming?
- And I (looks at the sky and is so sad...) am an astronaut.
- Why is it so sad?
- Yes, I’m afraid I won’t fit into the tube...

The guy came to the doctor and said:
- Doctor, there are ringing sounds in my ears.
- Don’t answer them, don’t pick up the phone!

Teacher:
— Guys, tell me, what is the number of the word “pants”: singular or plural?
Student:
- Above - singular, and below - plural.

One student decided to play a joke on another. Painted the chair.
The second one comes in and says right from the door:
- Kolyan, I...
First to him:
“You sit down first,” and points to a chair.
And this one again:
- Kolyan, I wanted to tell you...
First:
- Yes, sit down, don’t be shy.
The second sat down. The first one chuckles:
- Well, now speak.
- Kolyan, I just wanted to say that I put on your jeans.

Grandfather is sleeping in a chair, whistling loudly through his nose. The little grandson is fiddling with a button on his jacket.
- What are you doing? - asks the grandmother.
- I want to catch another program!

A plane landed at the airport. Passengers leave the ramp.
One man's pants fall down, he pulls them up and says:
-This is Aeroflot: fasten your seat belt, then unfasten it...

- Why does a gorilla have such big nostrils?
- Because she has thick fingers.

A five-year-old boy answered the phone.
-Yes.
-Call dad or mom.
-They're not home.
-Is there anyone else?
-Yes, my sister.
-Call her, please.
After a while the boy picked up the phone again:
-It's too heavy. I can't get her out of the stroller!

Five year old son asks:
-Dad, do you know how long one tube of paste lasts?
-No.
-For the entire hallway, living room and half of the loggia...

Two flies come out of the bar.
One says: “Well, shall we go on foot or wait for the dog?”

Once a hedgehog fell into a hole, he couldn’t get out and thought: “If I don’t get out in 5 minutes, I’ll go home and get a ladder.”

Gen, be careful there are steps, stumps, stumps.
-Thank you Cherim-burum-burashka.

Wallpaper that can be washed is, of course, a good thing. But how difficult it is
I had to tear them off to stuff them into the washing machine.

A woman asks for a glass of sparkling water:
- Glass of water.
- With syrup?
- Without.
— Without cherry or without apple?

A guy and a girl are walking around the city and pass by a restaurant. The girl says:
- Oh, how delicious it smells!
- Did you like it? Do you want us to go through it again?

A girl comes to a dairy store. So he puts the can on the scales:
- For me, sour cream.
Saleswoman, splash some sour cream into her can.
-Here's a girl, sour cream for you. Where's the money?
-In a can

- Boy, how old are you?
- Five.
- And you are not taller than my umbrella...
- How old is your umbrella?

After dinner, the mother goes to the kitchen, and the daughter shouts after her:
- No, Mom, I don’t want you to wash the dishes on your birthday. Leave it for tomorrow.

A boy watches a film on TV about a boy whom everyone loved and says:
- If you wash me, I will be the same!

Mom tells her son
“Is this how they read a book, son?” You're skipping several pages.
- And this book is about spies. I want to catch them quickly.

At the boat rental station, the boss shouts into a bullhorn:
- Boat number 99! Return to the shore - your time is up!
Five minutes later:
- Boat number 99, return immediately!
Five minutes later:
- Boat number 99! If you don't return, we will fine you!
An assistant approaches the boss:
- Ivan Ivanovich! We only have 73 boats, so where did the 99th come from?
The chief freezes for a moment, and then rushes to the shore:
— Boat number 66! Are you in some kind of trouble?!

He gave Winnie the Pooh a cell phone for his birthday
-Here’s a gift for you - a cell phone!
-Well, thanks buddy!
The next day, Winnie the Pooh meets Piglet
-What did you give me yesterday for my birthday???
- Cool phone...
-I spent 3 hours picking yesterday, the phone broke, there are no honeycombs or honey.

Mom says to the girl:
- If you don’t eat semolina porridge, I’ll call Baba Yaga.
- Mom, do you really think that she will eat it?

- Doctor, you forbade me to eat at night, so I caught a cold!
- What is the connection?
- Well, of course - I stood at the refrigerator all night, looking at the chicken, and that’s why I got cold!

Granddaughter and grandfather are sitting by the window... the grandson is babbling. Grandpa look!!!Once!
a crow, two crows, three crows... the whole Voronezh!!!.

Two Chukchi are sitting, breaking a bomb. A man passes by.
“Hey, what are you doing, it’s going to explode!” - “However, it’s okay, we have one more!”

A Georgian is drowning in the sea and has forgotten the word “save” in Russian, shouting:
- This is my last time swimming!

Vinny says to Piglet.
- Listen, Vinnie, I know what will happen to you when you grow up!
- Have you read my horoscope? - Nope, the book “On Tasty and Healthy Food”!

The owner to the guest: - Can I shine a light on the steps for you? - No, thank you, I’m already lying downstairs.

In the middle of the lesson, Vovochka comes into the class with a bandaged head.
Irritated teacher: - Well, what happened this time? - Fell from the fifth floor.
- So, did you fly for two whole lessons?

Seller: — This wall clock runs for two weeks without being wound.
- Yes you?! What if you start them?