Fear of the unknown is a natural reaction that forces even the most notorious atheist, even to a minimal extent, to believe and adhere to certain rules of behavior during the process, before and after the funeral.
In order to help the soul of the deceased easily leave the material world, you need not only to know the recommendations, but also to understand them deep meaning. Not everyone knows how to behave correctly if such grief occurs in a family. Therefore, we have compiled a detailed article describing the rules of what you can and cannot do.
In Orthodoxy, wakes after death are held 3 times. On the third day after death, on the ninth, fortieth. The essence of the ritual lies in the funeral meal. Relatives and friends gather at a common table. They remember the deceased, his good deeds, stories from his life.
— On the 3rd day after death (on the same day the funeral is held), everyone gathers to honor the memory of the deceased. The Christian is first taken to the funeral ceremony in a church or cemetery chapel. The unbaptized deceased, after saying goodbye to home, are immediately taken to the cemetery. Then everyone returns to the house for the wake. The family of the deceased does not sit at this memorial table.
— In the first seven days after a person’s death, do not take any things out of the house.
— On the 9th day after death, relatives go to the temple, order a memorial service, set a second memorial table at home, and only close relatives are invited to honor the memory of the deceased. The funeral is reminiscent of a family dinner, with the difference that the photo of the deceased is located not far from the refectory table. Next to the photograph of the deceased they place a glass of water or vodka and a slice of bread. 
— On the 40th day after the death of a person, a third memorial table is held, everyone is invited. On this day, those who were unable to attend the funeral usually come to the wake. At church I order Sorokoust - forty liturgies.
- From the day of the funeral until the 40th day, remembering the name of the deceased, we must pronounce a verbal formula-amulet for ourselves and all the living. At the same time, the same words are a symbolic wish for the deceased: "Rest in peace to him", thereby expressing wishes for his soul to end up in heaven.
— After the 40th day and over the next three years, we will say a different wish formula: "The kingdom of heaven be upon him". Thus, we wish the deceased an afterlife in paradise. These words should be addressed to any deceased, regardless of the circumstances of his life and death. Guided by the biblical commandment “Judge not, lest ye be judged”.
- During the year following the death of a person, none of the family members has the moral right to take part in any holiday celebration.
- None of the family members of the deceased (including the second degree of kinship) could get married during the period of mourning.
- If a relative of the 1st -2nd degree of relationship has died in the family and not a year has passed since his death, then such a family does not have the right to paint eggs red for Easter (they must be white or some other color - blue, black , green) and accordingly take part in the celebrations of Easter night.
— After the death of her husband, the wife is prohibited from washing anything for a year on the day of the week on which the disaster occurred.
— For a year after death, everything in the house where the deceased lived remains in a state of peace or permanence: repairs cannot be made, furniture can be rearranged, nothing is given away or sold from the deceased’s belongings until the soul of the deceased reaches eternal peace.
- Exactly one year after death, the family of the deceased celebrates a memorial meal (“I please”) - the 4th, final memorial family-tribal table. It must be remembered that the living cannot be congratulated on their birthday in advance, and the final memorial table should be arranged either exactly a year later, or 1-3 days earlier.
On this day you need to go to the temple and order a memorial service for the deceased, go to the cemetery and visit the grave.
As soon as the last funeral meal is completed, the family is again included in the traditional scheme of holiday regulations of the folk calendar, becomes a full member of the community, and has the right to take part in any family celebrations, including weddings.
— A monument can be erected on a grave only after a year has passed after the person’s death. Moreover, it is necessary to remember Golden Rule folk culture: “Don’t graze the soil of Pakravou and Radaunschy.” This means if the year of the deceased fell at the end of October, i.e. after the Intercession (and for the entire subsequent period until Radunitsa), then the monument can only be erected in the spring, after Radunitsa.
— After installing the monument, the cross (usually a wooden one) is placed next to the grave for another year, and then thrown away. It can also be buried under a flower bed or under gravestone.
— You can get married after the death of one of the spouses only after a year. If a woman got married a second time, then the rightful owner-owner new husband became only seven years later.
— If the spouses were married, then after the husband’s death the wife took his ring, and if she never married again, then both wedding rings were placed in her coffin.
- If the husband buried his wife, then she wedding ring remained with him, and after his death, both rings were placed in his coffin, so that, having met in the Kingdom of Heaven, they would say: “I brought our rings with which the Lord God crowned us.
— For three years, the birthday of the deceased and the day of his death are celebrated. After this period, only the day of death and all annual church holidays commemoration of ancestors.
Not all of us know how to pray, much less know prayers for the dead. Learn a few prayers that may help your soul find peace after an irreparable loss.
Visiting a cemetery throughout the year
During the first year and all subsequent years, you can go to the cemetery only on Saturdays (except for the 9th, 40th day after death and church holidays honoring ancestors, such as Radunitsa or Autumn Grandfathers). These are church-recognized days of remembrance of the dead. Try to convince your relatives that they should not constantly visit the grave of the deceased, as they are harming their health.
Visit the cemetery before 12 noon.
The way you come to the cemetery is the same way you return.
- Meat Saturday is the Saturday in the ninth week before Easter.
- Ecumenical Parents' Saturday- Saturday in the second week of Lent.
- Ecumenical Parental Saturday is the Saturday in the third week of Lent.
- Ecumenical Parental Saturday is the Saturday in the fourth week of Lent.
- Radunitsa - Tuesday in the second week after Easter.
- Trinity Saturday is the Saturday in the seventh week after Easter.
- Dmitrievskaya Saturday - Saturday in the third week after.
How to dress appropriately for a death anniversary?
Clothes for a death anniversary are of no small importance. If you are planning a trip to the cemetery before the funeral dinner, you should consider weather. To attend church, women need to prepare a headdress (scarf).
Dress formally for all funeral events. Shorts, deep necklines, bows and ruffles will look indecent. It is better to exclude bright, variegated colors. Business, office suits, closed shoes, formal dresses in muted tones are an appropriate choice for a funeral date.
Is it possible to make repairs after a funeral?
According to signs not related to Orthodoxy, repairs in the house where the deceased lived cannot be done within 40 days. No changes can be made to the interior. In addition, all belongings of the deceased must be thrown away after 40 days. And on the bed on which a person died, his blood relatives are generally not allowed to sleep. From an ethical point of view, repairs will only refresh the state of those grieving. It will help you get rid of things that remind you of the person. Although many, in memory of a departed loved one, strive to keep something that belonged to him. According to signs, this is again not worth doing. Therefore, repair will be a good solution in all cases.
Is it possible to clean up after a funeral?
While the deceased is in the house, you cannot clean or take out the trash. According to legends, it is believed that the rest of the family members will die. When the deceased is removed from the house, the floor must be thoroughly washed. Blood relatives are prohibited from doing this. Orthodox Church also denies this point and considers it superstition.
How to live after death parents? Unfortunately, most of us ask ourselves this question sooner or later. On the one hand, children must outlive their parents: this is the law of life. However, it is very difficult to accept the fact that the people who gave us this life are gone forever...
When there is a warm atmosphere and a strong emotional connection in the family, any separation (even for a while) is a source of suffering for others.
And no one taught us to deal with these feelings, so we find ourselves completely unprepared.
The departure of a mother or father always leaves a deep wound in the soul that never heals. However, gradually you can learn to move on with your life after death loved ones.
Pleasant memories from the past, photographs where you are still together and happy - all those intangible treasures that your parents left in your soul will help you with this. Despite everything, they will stay with you forever.
We invite you to think a little about this topic with us. Perhaps this will help you develop certain behavioral strategies to overcome this difficult crisis period in life.
No one is ready to live after the death of their parents...
The pain of loss is always proportional to the emotional connection you had with your dad or mom. And here it is absolutely unimportant whether you have grown up or not, become independent, whether you have your own own family And .
Emotional connection with a loved one is beyond time, distance or years lived.
After all, inside we remain the same person who needs advice and support, who is sincerely grateful for a mother’s hug and for a father’s look, full of pride for you and instilling confidence.
Man is a social and emotional being, and the connections that are established with parents are so intimate that when they are lost, literally everything inside collapses.
Each person experiences the pain of loss differently
The pain of loss you feel is always a very personal process. Through it you come to understand that loved one gone. Psychologists identify the following stages of acceptance:
- Negation
- Depression
- Adoption
Typically the entire process takes about three months. Nevertheless, Each person experiences grief differently.
Therefore, you should not be offended or angry if it seems to you that someone is grieving “wrongly”. He does not seem “killed” and “crushed” or, on the contrary, expresses his emotions in a grotesque form. Everyone deals with loss differently, and not everyone is able to control it.
It is important to find your own way out of this difficult situation, That, what will help ease the soul. Talk to loved ones or stay alone, look at photo albums or cry to your heart's content.
Gradually, over time, our suffering will decrease. And although it’s hard to believe at first, you will overcome your grief and again you will move forward.
The sudden death of a loved one, without a final goodbye. How to deal with this?
The death of parents can be caused by various circumstances. A long illness, an accident or an unexpected...
- Usually, the most painful thing happens when there was no opportunity to say goodbye to a loved one. After all, they didn’t have time to tell him how much they loved him.
- Sometimes people lose their loved ones directly after a quarrel with them, after some kind of misunderstanding and misunderstanding, after a harsh or offensive word spoken to them. All this, whether we like it or not, aggravates the situation, and it becomes even more difficult to accept the fact of death.
- But it is impossible to correct this, because it is impossible to turn back time. In such a situation, you need to focus your thoughts on the following: the father and mother always know that their child loves them. There are no hard feelings, which means there should be no remorse.
Remember that the past disagreements don't matter. The bond with your parents is so strong, noble and sincere that you must find the strength to say goodbye to them quietly and calmly. After all, they will always be with you, in your heart, thoughts and memories.
To honor the memory of your parents, you need to learn to smile again
Losing a parent is a wound that never heals. And yet, gradually you must learn to live with it, move on and allow yourself to become again. The important things to keep in mind here are:
- Your parents would not want you to continue to live in the grip of emotional suffering, sadness and sadness. It may seem impossible, but you need to relearn how to smile. After all, your happiness is a way to honor the memory of your parents.
- Don't push away the past, let good memories fill your thoughts. They will enrich you and give you strength to live on.
- Everything your parents told you and all the moments you shared with them are emotional gifts that you should pass on to your children. It is a legacy of love and affection that gives strength to grow, but at the same time don't forget your roots.
All of us, sooner or later, will have to face the loss of people close and dear to us. It is impossible to prepare for this. But remember that the one you have today is will become the strength and support of tomorrow.
So learn to live in the present and enjoy every moment spent with your parents, with all completeness and sincerity!
There have long been traditions that determine what can and cannot be done during the year after the death of a loved one. Some are already outdated, and some customs still live today. You need to know about this...
1:889 1:898■ For the first seven days after a person’s death, do not take any things out of the house.
■ On the 9th day after death, relatives go to the temple, order a memorial service, and set a second memorial table at home. The family of the deceased did not sit down at the first funeral table.
Now it’s the other way around: a family and nine other people sat at the table (three who washed the deceased, three who made a coffin, three who dug a hole). modern conditions the number of invitees may vary because there are different public services, which provide the necessary funeral services: the deceased is changed in the morgue, the coffin can be bought at a funeral supplies store, the grave can also be prepared in advance. Therefore, there may be 3 - 6 - 9 invitees, or there may be no one.
■ On the 40th day after the death of a person, a third memorial table is held - “Sarakavitsy”, at which the family of the deceased, relatives, relatives, friends, and work colleagues are present. At church I order Sorokoust - forty liturgies.
■ From the day of the funeral until the 40th day, remembering the name of the deceased, we must pronounce a verbal formula-amulet for ourselves and all the living. At the same time, the same words are a symbolic wish for the deceased: “May he rest in peace,” thereby expressing the wish that his soul ends up in heaven.
■ After the 40th day and over the next three years, we will say a different formula-wish: “The kingdom of heaven to him.” Thus, we wish the deceased an afterlife in paradise. These words should be addressed to any deceased, regardless of the circumstances of his life and death. They are guided by the biblical commandment “Do not judge, lest you be judged.”
■ During the year following the death of a person, no family member has the moral right to take part in any holiday celebration.
■ None of the family members of the deceased (including the second degree of kinship) could get married during the period of mourning.
■ If a relative of the 1st or 2nd degree of kinship has died in the family and less than a year has passed since his death, then such a family does not have the right to paint eggs red for Easter (they must be white or some other color - blue, black , green) and accordingly take part in the celebrations of Easter night.
■ After the death of her husband, the wife is prohibited from washing anything for a year on the day of the week on which the disaster occurred.
■ For a year after death, everything in the house where the deceased lived remains in a state of peace or permanence: repairs cannot be made, furniture cannot be rearranged, nothing is given away or sold from the deceased’s belongings until the soul of the deceased reaches eternal peace.
■ During this year and all subsequent years, you can go to the cemetery only on Saturdays (except for the 9th, 40th day after death and church holidays honoring ancestors, such as Radunitsa or Autumn Grandfathers). These are church-recognized days of remembrance of the dead. Try to convince your relatives that they should not constantly visit the grave of the deceased, as they are harming their health.
■ Whichever way you come to the cemetery, that’s the way you come back.
■ Visit the cemetery before 12 noon.
■ Days special commemoration deceased during the year:
Meat Saturday - Saturday in the ninth week before Easter;
Ecumenical Parental Saturday - Saturday in the second week of Lent;
Ecumenical Parental Saturday - Saturday in the third week of Lent;
Ecumenical Parental Saturday - Saturday in the fourth week of Lent;
Radunitsa - Tuesday in the second week after Easter;
Trinity Saturday - Saturday in the seventh week after Easter;
Dmitrievskaya Saturday - Saturday in the third week after Intercession (14.10).
■ Exactly one year after death, the family of the deceased celebrates a memorial meal (“pleasure”) - the 4th, concluding memorial family-tribal table. It must be remembered that the living cannot be congratulated on their birthday in advance, and the final memorial table should be arranged either exactly a year later, or 1-3 days earlier.
■ On this day you need to go to the temple and order a memorial service for the deceased, go to the cemetery to visit the grave.
■ As soon as the last funeral meal is completed, the family is again included in the traditional scheme of holiday regulations of the folk calendar, becomes a full member of the community, and has the right to take part in any family celebrations, including weddings.
■ A monument can be erected on a grave only one year after the person’s death. Moreover, it is necessary to remember the golden rule of folk culture: “Do not graze the soil of Pakravou da Radaunschy.” This means if the year of the deceased fell at the end of October, i.e. after the Intercession (and for the entire subsequent period until Radunitsa), then the monument can only be erected in the spring, after Radunitsa.
■ After the monument is installed, the cross (usually wooden) is placed next to the grave for another year and then thrown away. It can also be buried under a flower bed or under a gravestone.
■ You can get married after the death of one of the spouses only after a year. If a woman got married a second time, then the new husband became the full owner-master only after seven years.
■ If the spouses were married, then after the death of the husband his wife took his ring, and if she never married again, then both wedding rings were placed in her coffin.
■ If a husband buried his wife, then her wedding ring remained with him, and after his death, both rings were placed in his coffin, so that when they met in the Kingdom of Heaven, they could say: “I brought our rings with which the Lord God married us.
■ The birthday of the deceased and the day of his death are celebrated for three years. After this period, only the day of death and all annual church holidays commemorating ancestors are celebrated.
■ Not all of us know how to pray, much less know the prayer for the dead. Learn a few prayers that may help you find peace in your soul after an irreparable loss.
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