Quite a few words have been written on the topics “What is KVN” and “The role of KVN in the life of modern youth.” Even more words have been written about each game or festival KVN. KVN players love to write - this is one of their properties.
And we sometimes like to speculate on these topics, but we will do this in another place. And here we want to lay out what remains in the mind of an ordinary viewer after KVN. What ordinary office employees are looking for when a corporate KVN is planned in their office.
Yes, that's all of them: jokes, skits, miniatures, all kinds of remade songs and parodies. All this then turns into KVN competitions: business cards, music and homework.
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funny jokes, which once caused a tsunami of laughter and kilotons of laughing in KVN
They will help if you are preparing for KVN at school. Of course, you should write your own jokes, but if you're pressed for time...
You are unlikely to hear this news from the lips of Zhanna Agalakova, because they are not allowed to say such things.
Funny jokes about the number one game. Football players give us a reason - we joke.
Signs of a crisis. Very relevant jokes. Read and enjoy a little.
KVN scenes and miniatures
Scenes and miniatures are the same jokes, but you can’t just tell them in words. Well, without jokes - you already know - there is nowhere in KVN.
An excellent KVN number worth five points. Take it to your script.
Sketch texts, which are suitable for any KVN competition.
Cases at school, cases outside the school, cases involving schoolchildren and teachers
So that you can then say “You have viewed the thumbnail...”
Ready set material for a small business card. All that remains is to add KVN players there
Reworking songs for KVN
Remake songs - favorite hobby KVNshchikov. From small doodles to grandiose pretentious finales - they have been remade, are being remade, and will be remade in KVN.
Rework famous hit Gennady Asmolov. The song was played on the air of “Voting KiViN-2007”
A remade song by the group "Kino" - we really like it
Reworking the song of the group “Lube” - everyone sinned with remaking this song
A silly parody of the hit from the musical “Notre Dame de Paris”
KVN scenarios
The script in KVN is a soft concept. And not just because it exists on paper. Under the influence of editors, the script sometimes changes beyond recognition.
The text of the greeting from the KVN team “On your own wavelength” - I highly recommend it
A business card is a competition that happens in every KVN. Business card scripts are always needed!
Classic license plate homework with a conference in verse.
Big musical number about minibus taxis in Ryazan. I always came in with a bang.
Of course, the difficulties that a student has to overcome reach their apogee during this period. All this is reflected in sketches about students, funny to the point of sarcasm. After all, in order to survive in some situations, you need to approach many problems with humor.
Many funny scenes describe a resourceful studious whose imagination any science fiction writer would envy.
For example, he comes out to answer with a ticket in his hand. The professor wearily nods his head at him - they say, start. “Tent-poor and tent-tight tits,” says the student with his tongue hanging out. The professor’s eyes widen: “What??? Repeat, my friend, the question! What kind of titi are they???” The student says, sticking out his tongue, a clumsy phrase, which in translation will sound like this: “You see, professor, yesterday a dog bit my tongue!” - “This can’t be! How did this happen? “I was eating a sausage sandwich, and she ran past. She wanted to take my food away. Now I have a bitten tongue, and the dog has a bitten ear. And the question is: “Centrifugal and centripetal forces.” The professor nods his head, and the student, using facial expressions and gestures, tries to convey to him the answer to the question.
I’ll explain the structure of the world with my fingers
In general, the described episode can serve as a plot point for many interludes, starting wonderfully funny scenes. KVN about students will be inimitably decorated with a miniature in which the cunning pantomime talks not only about centrifugal and centripetal forces, but also retells the content of “Othello”, explains the structure of the atom, and gives an answer to the question “ Animal world Australia."
Alternatively, you can include a translator from among the students who knows the subject well. An even cooler option would be when the pantomime of a young man who knows nothing is translated to the professor by the same goofball, but with confidence in his rightness.
It’s impossible to imagine this - it had to happen sometime!
Funny scenes about students are mainly born from real facts. These are the so-called short jokes, turned into miniatures. Many funny sketches about students are based on the lack of money of this social layer, but the resilient nature of young people, aimed not at the present, but at the future, helps them “not to worry” about this. For example, situations associated with the saying “an eternally hungry student” may well become the seeds from which scenes for the student’s day, funny and a little sad, grow.
In the student canteen, a guy buys two sausages to take away. The fat saleswoman sarcastically jokes: “Something new... You, Petrov, are not going out, are you having a holiday?” - “Yes, Taisiya, I’m celebrating my anniversary... Yes, 18 more forks, please!” Students looking through the doors of the dining room, waiting for the hero of the day.
Initiation as a student
The funny skits that are always performed during this first student holiday exaggeratedly ridicule the life of frivolous young people. On the one hand, they don’t seem to care about grades, expulsion from educational institution and the life difficulties that their fate faces. But on the other hand, now the student has other priorities, “saints” and “gods”. Therefore, funny skits about students at this event are to some extent based on young people’s fear of the dean’s office, strict teachers and exams.
Scene “The Cigarette Butt of Peace”
You can act out a humorous initiation into students, where the speech is given to the “elder”. The young guys sit in a circle, just like the Indians do. Instead of feathers, they have pens and pencils sticking out of their hair. They smoke a “peace stub” that goes around in a circle. In order for skits about students, funny and full of some sarcasm, to be successful, it is necessary to pay special attention to the outfit of the artists: the “wise elders” are dressed in tights with outstretched knees and torn T-shirts with funny inscriptions, and the “beginning young” - in suits with ties and white shirts.
Elder's speech to young students
"My friends! To you, who are embarking on the warpath with the omnipotent and cruel queen of science, the one who has already known the hardships of this battle turns his word. Remember the name of the great and omnipotent student god named Anunah!
But know that we have an equally powerful goddess - the patroness of students named Freebie, who also serves as the wife of Anunakh. To her, the kindest and most unpredictable, we turn our fervent prayers and tearful requests for help every night and every day.
Anunakh is helped by his assistant relatives, substitute gods: the brave and cheerful brother Nuifigto, the beautiful sisters Dapotom, Somehow and Not Now, the kindest brothers-in-law, who constantly harm Anunakh, Yasodral, Will take you, Spur will eat. In grief and misfortune, the student will always be consoled by Anunakh's sons-in-law, who are in friendship with him: Nunesdam, Peresdam and Akadem.
The equally omnipotent despot god Decanate is constantly at war with Anunakh. It is with his hard hand that the fates of many of our compatriots are being ruined! And it is he who is trying to overthrow Anunach and convert fraternity into botany. But Anunakh and his retinue constantly defeat the machinations of the Deanery, and indifference, together with age-old carelessness, continue to rule the consciousness of the great and indestructible brotherhood!
It is worth remembering that the sinister Dean’s Office is helped by his minions, the demons Nauchruk, Kursovik, Nezachet and others. Among them, the evil despot Neud and his evil wife Onlydva stand out with particular cynicism and cruelty.
All dark forces They hold their Sabbath twice a year, when their power gains enormous power. These covens are called the terrible word Session. During the Sabbath, students are instructed to conduct righteous life, in which there is no place for sleep, festivities, where everyone observes a beer fast and abstains from climbing into the windows of the women's dorm, and also intensely prays to the good gods: Anunakh, Freebie, Nuifigto, Shporaest and others.
This is the main thing, my children, that you must know and remember when entering this slippery path full of suffering and torment... Amen!
Student life is always fraught with humor. Today there are both old jokes and new series about this. Students are strange people. They want to gain knowledge, but do not want to learn. They want to have fun, but they have no money at all. It's paradoxes like these that make us smile. Therefore, funny jokes about students for KVN will always be fashionable in our society.
Funny jokes about students
Here are the most interesting jokes about student life, which is full of its own surprises. Watch funny reprises and smile at the difficulties faced by those who decide to gnaw on the granite of science.
Students go to cheap supermarkets not because they have little money, but because their future place of work must be studied in advance;
God loves trinity. Therefore two pairs are equal to the output;
When a student is silent during an exam, he is not being stupid. But he just doesn’t want to be overly intrusive;
One student attended classes so often that he even slept at night sitting and wearing clothes;
To write a unique essay, a normal student resorts to his own mind or opens the second page of a search engine;
A real student first passes, and only then asks what exactly he passed;
Russian students have such a small stipend that when they get a job handing out leaflets after university, they feel like oligarchs.
Jokes about students at KVN
KVN is a student game. Although today people of almost all ages play it. That is why there is never enough humor about students here. And here is a small list of jokes about how ordinary residents of hostels live.
Receiving a diploma is like abolishing serfdom. Previously, you lived poorly, but in slavery, but now you can die freely;
No need to defend me. I can handle it myself! This is exactly what a decent diploma should say;
Yes, I need to prepare for the exam, but the cat won’t play with himself either;
If a history teacher plays “Two Comrades Served” in class, then this is clearly not good;
The teacher’s signature on the record book automatically erases all information about the subject from memory;
A university is like an army. They just give you a little less food and sleep;
The student's favorite scientific law is the theory of probability. It is with his help that one surrenders most of exams.
How to write a joke about students?
Student life is a completely humorous area. And you can make up jokes about her yourself. Just remember the basic attributes of this life and try to make them laugh.
In particular, students love to skip classes. From this you can come up with the following joke: “A good couple is like sex. Abstinence only increases desire” or something like that.
If you yourself were a student, are one or are planning to be one, then you can try to find something topical for your situation. In particular, a school graduate can joke like this: “A student is like a repeat offender. I lost my freedom for a couple of months and for the second term.”
The main thing is to be able to see humor in different things and think positively. Then you won't need other people's jokes. You'll just be great at composing yours. And this is the main quality of every person who decides to engage in humor.
Here at KVN.
Performance by the KVN student team.
The first person comes out and reads the letter.
1st. To the village for grandfather... My dear grandfather, Konstantin Makarych! Your grandson Vanka Zhukov is writing to you. I’ve been studying at the university for the second year, and for the second year I’ve been praying to you tearfully: take me away! Everything would be fine, no one bothers you, and they give you sleep, but one thing is bad: the session is already twice a year. And then, dear grandfather, just drop everything and run wherever your eyes look: either exams, or tests, or whatever they come up with. I can’t bear to endure all this, I want to come to you on a warm stove. And yesterday I was beaten: they told me to go to KVN to play, sing and dance! But I’m all like you, dear grandfather, no hearing, no voice, so I refused. And the guys got angry, threatened to beat me, but the rector stood up, looked at me carefully and said that I was very suitable for KVN - funny. That’s what I wrote on my student ID: “Passed.”
The melody of the song “Border” sounds. Behind the scenes there is a cry: “Get in line! March to the stage!” The band members come out onto the stage like a train: some with a guitar, some with an accordion, some with suitcases and bags.
All (singing to the tune of the song “Border”). They took me, guys, right without the military registration and enlistment office,
They took it to KVN and gave it to me as a joke!
I'm sorry, grandfather, but I won't come to you,
After all, I have to play just like everyone else!
There is no limit for you here,
We have a place to fight!
Let's play in KVN
We are not for medals!
We will not play in KVN for medals -
So that the audience in the hall does not get tired of clapping.
The girl will come and cry from laughter,
He will say: “Cool, honey!”
It’s good that KVN came to our city -
Instead of cigarettes and beer instead.
We will play, KVN will begin,
Sing and dance, light up the hall.
Just like everyone else, rock KVN.
Just like everyone else!
Let's play in KVN,
It will be more fun.
There are no limits for you here!
Here are the students' faces!
2nd. The KVN team welcomes you... (name of the institute).
1st. Guys, we are students! And KVN started just like the military! (Sings.) The locomotive will rush straight to the border!
3rd. You don’t understand anything, it’s just a greeting. We must tell the jury and the audience about ourselves, about our university.
1st. And what did we tell with this song?
2nd. Well, at least the fact that our university has a military department and upon graduation we become reserve officers.
3rd. By the way, guys, do you know that there is no club for cheerful and resourceful people in the army?
1st. Why?
4th. Because the cheerful ones sit on the lips, and the resourceful ones stay at home.
2nd. By the way, being resourceful is great. Resourcefulness is always needed, especially for us students.
Musical beat.
All (they sing to the tune of the song “It’s cool you got on TV”). In a provincial town
Once upon a time we lived with you.
We left to study
Leaving home.
In our beloved town
Suddenly they opened a branch.
"Super! - we said together. -
You got it, and I got it!”
Cool we got you
To this university
And I am proud of my university!
Make your choice, don’t be shy,
Be brave!
There is no more beautiful university, believe me!
1st. Your years are growing,
Here you are at 17.
Where should you study then?
What to do?
2nd. I want to be an economist.
3rd. And I am a great programmer.
4th. My dream is to be an engineer.
1st. I am in charge of affairs.
Together. All these specialties
Available at our university.
2nd. To our city from distant countries
Everyone is in a hurry to visit us at the university!
Chukchi, Negro and New Russian come out.
Chukchi(sings to the tune of the song “I’ll take you to the tundra”). I rode on reindeer for a long time
And I came here.
I want to study at university
We will be one family.
So that there are fewer jokes
They wrote about me
I will learn all the sciences,
Even though I am a Chukchi, friends!
Chorus. We will pass, we will rush through the outskirts and the center,
AND student life I, however, will live.
I'll go to a disco, attend concerts,
I’ll take the young city woman to my place in the tundra!
Black person(sings to the tune of the song “Chocolate Bunny”). I was a chocolate hare
But I wanted to study
And from Africa to your city
I just took it and flew.
I told you: "Happy New Year!"
"Go to hell!" - I said.
Your director laughed
And he took me on as a student.
And now I'm at the institute -
That's how great I am!
I will study well
I am an example and a model.
Of course there will be lectures
Visit very strictly
And then at recess
I will sing and dance.
I'll be a student here
Cool intellectual
One hundred percent beautiful! Ooo!
Ah, dear Africa,
I miss you,
But I feel good here! Ooo!
New Russian (sings to the tune of the song “If I were a Sultan”). "If I were a Sultan" -
I once sang.
I became a new Russian -
Cooler than the Sultan!
I have a villa
I have two companies
But I decided it was time
Learn for me.
To your university specifically, keep in mind,
I will come to study various sciences.
1st. Students are different.
2nd. So now you can’t go anywhere without education! And not only young people understand this, but also our grandmothers.
New Russian grandmothers are coming out.
Flower (shouting). But who wants hot pies with apples and cabbage?
Matryona. Why, Flower, have you gone into trade or something?
Flower. Where to go? We bought a computer for our grandson - how much money it costs! I gave away all my savings. But now everything is there: a sprinter, a motor, that is, a monitor, and a mouse.
Matryona (jumps). How's the mouse? Oh, fathers, did you bring it with you?
Flower. The mouse is white from the computer, darkness! I have no time to talk to you, I need to feed my grandson. I ran away in the morning and didn’t have breakfast.
Matryona (sarcastically). So what does our two-meter baby eat? What's his menu for today?
Flower. Yes, as usual, nothing special. A saucepan of cabbage soup, about seven cutlets, a bowl of salad, pancakes, three liters of compote, twelve kilograms of watermelon.
Matryona. With such an appetite, you can only learn culinary skills and try everything cooked. Why did you choose this institute?
Flower. He chose his granddaughters himself, and how he chose is a separate story.
The 5th comes out and sings to the tune “How My Mother Wanted Me.”
5th. How my mother wanted me
To teach giving in vocational schools.
But I'm afraid, brothers,
Go to vocational school.
Oh, don't give me away, mother!
How my mother wanted me
Send to the polytechnic,
So that later I like
I was at the machine plant.
Oh, don't give me away, mother!
How my mother wanted me
Send it to medical school.
I'm still from school,
Oh, I'm afraid of injections.
Oh, don't give me away, mother!
How my mother wanted me
Give it to an agricultural technical school,
So that I'm the first
A guy in the village.
Oh, don't give me away, mother!
My mother was tormented with me,
We have lost peace.
Okay, there is a university!
I'll be a great engineer!
Oh, give me away mother!
3rd. And we continue our speech and now we’ll talk about what worries our youth.
4th. Like what? Our studies, profession, our future.
Verka Serduchka and Glucose appear on stage.
Serduchka (points finger towards student). And this is your choice, daughter? Nightmare! Oh, these modern youth, and especially your youth fashion!
(Sings to the tune of the song “I wanted a groom.”) I've told you this many times:
What do you wear to the disco?
It's just an attack!
Well, what kind of jeans, what kind of T-shirt,
What a stupid idea!
Nice guy from you
I swear he will run away!
He will run away, he will run away. You're just a fool!
Glucose. You are behind fashion, mom,
For almost a thousand years!
And I'm so stylish -
One for the entire faculty.
And I'm dressed very cool,
Don't talk nonsense!
And I’m a great guy,
Of course I will find it.
I'll find it - doo-doo, I already know it!
Together. I wanted a groom!
Glucose. So I got dressed up
La-la-la-la-la!
Together. I wanted a groom!
Serduchka. So I was stunned
La-la-la-la-la!
1st. Complete misunderstanding!
2nd. Eternal problem fathers and children!
3rd(corrects). Daughters and mothers!
4th. What's the difference! Parents just forget that they were children too. We ran through puddles, got bad marks, disappeared at dances and, of course, played...
All. In KVN!
5th. Come on, Aunt Vera!
Serduchka (sings to the tune of the song “Over the Four Seas”). I remember I played KVN!
And many years have passed since then.
Now play too, student!
I believe everything will be fine with us.
You are a negative minus of our department
A young graduate of the agricultural academy stands in the middle of a field of zucchini and thinks in complete bewilderment:
I know everything about zucchini: how they grow, how they bloom, how they bear fruit. But how do they spawn???
A student gets on a trolleybus at a stop. He sits down in an empty seat and drives away. At the next stop, an old grandmother comes in. He comes up to him and says:
Granddaughter, give grandma a seat
Grandma, but the trolleybus is empty, all the seats are free.
And I like it warm!
A student sneaks into an empty dorm room, goes to the window without turning on the light, shakes out a cactus from a flower pot, removes some of the soil and puts in a pie wrapped in plastic. After all this, he returns the cactus to its place, levels the ground and goes to bed. In the morning he leaves for classes. In the evening he returns, rushes to the pot, digs up the ground, and there is a note: “Do not throw your things in visible places. The pie was eaten so that it does not spoil.”
Exam. The professor says to the student:
Choose a ticket.
The student puts cognac on the table.
Professor:
ABOUT! Cognac is good.
Cognac is "excellent".
A student takes an exam in physics. It does very poorly. The professor tries to pull him out and asks:
Well, at least tell me at what temperature does water boil?
Professor, I don’t know at what temperature it boils, but I know that at 40 degrees it turns into vodka!
Telegram from parents:
- “How was the exam? Let me know urgently!”
“The exam went well. The professors are delighted. They ask me to repeat it in the fall.”
Exam, the student fails forever. There is a crowd outside the door, wondering how to help her out. Finally, a guy bursts into the audience and shouts:
Ivanova, your son was born!
The teacher, naturally, congratulates her, gives her a grade, and signs her.
Lecture on philosophy. The teacher talks about the difference between matter and consciousness:
Consciousness does not have extension. We cannot think at 15 cm. And we cannot think at 2 kg!
And it’s easy to figure out half a liter...
A survey is being conducted among students from different countries. Who needs how much time to learn Japanese? The American was asked first. He clicked on the computer and said:
One year and eight months.
They asked the Frenchman, he ran to the library, looked through the catalogs there and promised to learn it in a year.
Next on the list was a Russian student. We found him in the smoking room and asked our burning question.
Is there a manual?
They gave him a manual, he flipped through it instantly:
I’ll finish my smoke and go take it in.
The inscription on the desk: "Button to turn off the lecturer. If you refuse, turn it off manually."
Student Covenant: Do not snore during lectures, for you will wake up your neighbor
You know, I don’t understand our dean. He'll expel us and we'll go into the army. If something happens, we won’t defend him!
A student on a political science exam does not know a single question; the completely exhausted, kind professor, not wanting to cut off the careless student, points to a portrait of Karl Marx:
Young man, at least who is this, do you know?
Student, after tense silence:
King of spades?
There is a written exam in progress. Streaming audience. The teacher sits at the lectern and reads a newspaper. Everything, as expected, is written off.
The newspaper slowly creeps down. All cheat sheets are abruptly removed.
The newspaper slowly creeps down. All cribs are closed by hand.
The newspaper slowly creeps down. All books are removed.
The newspaper slowly creeps down. All books are closed.
Major Arcana Tarot Tower: the meaning of the upright and inverted card
Removing a lapel from yourself and your loved ones How to remove a lapel from money
Unction - a sacrament that heals soul and body
Patriarch Nikon. Short biography. Patriarch of Moscow and All Rus'. Nikon Church Nikon
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