Girlfriend runs. What to do if a friend is annoying? Friendship that has not stood the test of time

Question to the psychologist:

Hello! I am 22 years old, I live in the same room with a girl (she is a little older). We have been living together for almost a year now. At first, when we first met, the relationship was great. We had dinner together after work, discussed how the day went, laughed, could not talk enough, walked together and had fun. At some point, I began to notice that she is a very bad hostess - we share the living space, and I want the household duties (cleaning, maintaining general order, purchasing the necessary common funds, resolving current issues with the owner of the apartment) to be divided equally. But in this regard, she is an absolute zero. For example, it is not difficult for me to cope with all this myself (which I do), but here it is a matter of principle. In general, many times I hinted to her and directly said that she also has a share of responsibility, but she does not understand this at all. Once I made a remark to her (for the umpteenth time the same thing) and she got very angry, threw a tantrum, we shouted at each other very much. She insisted that she would still do what she needed, and I said that this would not happen, because the three of us live (there is another girl in a separate room) and if both of us are not satisfied with the way she treats order, then she simply will not live here. In general, we no longer returned to this scandal, did not apologize, but simply began to behave as if nothing had happened. But! From that moment on, she became very annoying to me. I stopped waiting for her for dinner, I got sick of her talking about work, I felt sorry for her everything that she didn’t ask, I even began to feel sorry for her time and now I prefer to bury myself in the Internet than chat with her or watch a movie together . And she, on the contrary, began to somehow "suck up" to me or something. It has become very silky and it makes me even more uncomfortable. Now I don't know how to deal with her. There is no desire and opportunity to disperse now, and every day it annoys me more and more. Could it be me? If not, how do you behave? Is it worth it to somehow stretch the relationship, or vice versa, to reduce to "no"? Thank you.

The psychologist Leonova Tatyana Alexandrovna answers the question.

Hello Alice. The fact that she annoys you is your problem, for which she is only indirectly to blame. Annoyance is your personal feeling. She is just a trigger. It is up to you to decide whether to continue to live with her or leave. But here it is important to understand that it is very easy to destroy relationships, it is much more difficult to maintain them. In order to decide what steps to take in order to improve the relationship, you need to determine what it is about her and her behavior that annoys you so much. Anything can be the cause of irritation, from your childish attitudes to simple resentment. You described the moment of such an attitude towards her. It was a scandal, after which you did not talk and did not make it out, but simply began to communicate, pretending that nothing had happened. But there was a quarrel, and in order to resolve the conflict, it is necessary to sort it out and forgive each other.

Her behavior now may be due to the fact that she cannot be in a state of conflict for a long time and strive to improve relations with you. Try to talk to her and sort out the situation that happened. But, when communicating, strive to use "I statements." It is very important here that you can hear each other. It is possible that she did not perceive your requests, as she assessed them as orders "Somehow I made a remark to her." Try to develop a specific list of responsibilities. It is important for her not only to understand what she is doing for the house, but also to see what you are doing. Very often, such everyday things as cleaning and maintaining cleanliness are not noticed and not appreciated, especially when a person is not used to doing this, but has always lived in good conditions created by others. By writing down a list of responsibilities, and distributing them, she will clearly perceive that everyone has a responsibility.

Valeria Protasova

Reading time: 8 minutes

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Life, as you know, is unpredictable. And one day, a friend with whom you went through fire, water and, as they say, copper pipes, and with whom, like sisters, shared sorrows and joys for so many years in a row, suddenly begins to annoy and even ... enrage.

Where do such emotions come from, how to deal with them, and does irritation mean that friendship is over?

The best friend began to annoy - why is this happening?

There are many reasons why loved ones annoy us. Man is an emotional being, and mood swings are quite normal.

Another thing is when the irritation becomes constant, and there is a desire to hang up while talking with a girlfriend, to cross the street when meeting with her, or even to end the relationship altogether.

What could be the reasons for this phenomenon?

• You no longer have the common interests that bound you so closely . She now babysits the children and cooks borscht for her husband, and you have a busy life in which the "brood hens" do not fit.
• You have new circles of communication , each has its own.
• You have nothing else to talk about. Everything you can discuss comes down to your shared past, but you both live in the present. You absolutely do not want to hear about the next achievement of her little child, and your friend about how much fun you had at the club on Saturday.
• Both of you (or one of you) have a family. There are practically no unifying moments left, and it is impossible to maintain relations artificially.
• One of you has a personal tragedy which the other cannot understand or share.
• Your (or her) friendship requirements have become too high.
• You have outgrown your girlfriend (note - intellectually, for example).
• Are you tired of your girlfriend's selfishness (she only talks about herself, and she is not interested in your problems).
• Everything is “too good” for you, and this annoys your girlfriend (jealousy ruined a lot of relationships). Or, on the contrary, a friend has become lucky, and your “karma” overtakes you every day, as the winner of the competition of losers.

How to behave with a girlfriend who infuriates - the basic rules to keep calm and peace of mind

Not every female friendship, unfortunately, passes the test of time. Most often, irritation reaches a "boiling point", after which - only parting.

But, perhaps, it makes sense not to throw out emotions, but to understand yourself and assess the situation. If a person is still dear to you, you should look for a way to maintain peace of mind.

• Don't exaggerate the problem. Perhaps you perceive the situation too sharply, dramatize, or even see something completely different from what it really is. For example, you suffer from the “selfishness” of a friend, and she just has a difficult period in her life, and she has no one but you to pour out her soul.
• Analyze the situation and try to find the true cause of your irritation. Do not rush to dump the blame on your girlfriend, first of all, pay attention to yourself.
• Mark for yourself the moments that annoy you the most in communicating with your girlfriend. This will help you make the right decision about what to do next.
• Try to accept your friend for who she is. With her capriciousness, nervousness and "eternal whining", with her lifestyle and character.
• Look for the good in your relationship. Focus on the bright moments of friendship, and not on the negative.
• Don't build up irritation. If you don’t like something, it’s better to bring it to the attention of a friend than to wait until this emotional “snowball” rolls over both of you.
• Realize that irritation is not a disease , which you need to cure, but only a reaction - to actions and events (your own and other people).
• Remember that a friend is someone who is always there when you need help. who knows how to listen and hear, who is able to endure and does not demand anything in return. But at the same time, don't let it sit on your neck. A hungry man is usually given a fishing rod, not a fish - this rule in friendship is one of the most important. You don't have to solve other people's problems, but you can guide the person to solve them.

And finally, talk to your girlfriend frankly. Still, this is not an outsider, and she also deserves sincerity towards herself.

What to do if a friend annoys more and more - the end of friendship or her resuscitation?

If a friend is constantly annoying, and your irritation only intensifies, then, of course, this is a problem. But this is your problem. Not girlfriends.

This is only your feeling, which arose as a reaction to words and deeds. This means that it is in your power to change the situation - taking into account the mistakes that you can easily see in your relationship with your girlfriend.

First of all, try to have a heart to heart talk . Do not tell her how she infuriates you, but explain that something is wrong in your friendship, and both parties will have to try to restore comfort to the relationship.

Suppose you are dating a new girl. Everything about you is amazing: sex is like in bold erotic fantasies, she loves the same thing as you, but at the same time sincerely, and does not pretend. She's awesome and dating her is like having a bro who's so hot you can fuck him.

But there is a significant drawback - her girlfriends. All her friends are annoying, they drive you crazy, and you really hate it when you have to hang out with them. They're competing for your girlfriend's attention, which is kind of stupid, but things can escalate and result in you having to leave.

Your girlfriend keeps asking to find her annoying friend a boyfriend. Every time this annoying person comes to visit you, you have to listen to the details of her personal life. And you don't want that. Your girlfriend's friends can be attractive as long as they don't open their mouths. Among the annoying friends there is a boaster who will constantly chatter about her great deeds and all sorts of art cafes that she visited this week. When you try to put in a word or two, she misses them. Most likely because she likes to hear only her own voice. Some of these annoying people can text your crush around the clock, and she will have to answer all the messages.

Will you tell her that you don't like her friends?

This stunning, sexy girl who loves football and video games has one major flaw - annoying friends you hate. What can you do about it? Would you say that you truly hate them? Are you saying you don't want her annoying friends to ruin the great moments of your life? Does it piss you off that a call from her fat girlfriend ruined your 2001: A Space Odyssey screening together? So, are you going to tell her that her girlfriends piss you off? No, you won't. You're afraid to hurt her. Talk to the girl about it. Tell her that it pisses you off that her girlfriends call her every 15 minutes. Offer her a deal: you don't answer calls during your walks together, she doesn't do the same.

How to deal with her friends

First, you will never get rid of her friends. It's not fair to force a person to choose between love and friendship. But it's a great way to lose your girlfriend. Her friends are much more likely to outlive you, don't forget that! You can leave, but friends will stay for a long time, such is life. There is a great way to reconcile with her friends: try to have a good time. Make fun of them, come up with cool nicknames for them. For example, Katya is a chronic complainer. Or “Olya-we-now-will-have-excellent-sex-envy. Deep down, you can come up with more offensive nicknames for them, but only if they unrealistically enrage you. Lera - Clumsy Tits, or Lizka - Sausage Head. Poke her friends, you can call your girlfriend and joke in her ear about another stupidity, which, as always, Lizka froze - Sausage Head (you're outraged in vain, bro, this is a real person!).

If it ever occurs to you to say that you hate her friends, you yourself will feel how a huge wall of misunderstanding has formed between you, invisible to the eye of a mere mortal. You can say that her friends are funny, that they are funny, that they annoy you in places, but never say that they annoy you, and you are ready to strangle them with your own hands. Every girl wants a guy to love every part of her, and friends are also part of her, and it’s not necessary to say that female friendship does not exist, and these friends are just girls with whom your chosen one chirps in a cafe. But don't pretend that you're crazy about her friends, that you just adore them. Insincerity is clearly visible! When you are disgustingly kind to the one you sincerely despise, only a blind man will not notice the grimace of hatred on your face! Show that they are funny to you, you will pass for a cynical person, and this is fashionable. Pretend that these persons drive you a little crazy and amuse you terribly.

My girlfriend annoys me. and got the best answer

Answer from Divergent[guru]
Baby, remember once and for all one simple truth: your BEST friend in relation to you has always been, is and will be a SNAKE. This is how you always treat your best friends. This will save you in life from many troubles and sorrows.

Answer from Party WILL OF THE PEOPLE[guru]
And you don't scratch it.

Answer from Valentina Fryshko[guru]
Lord, how much is heaped up, not to your liking, tell her directly and stop talking, what kind of children's snot

Answer from Alice[active]
Why don't you talk to her about it?

Answer from eve.dot[guru]
there is no need to quarrel, but communication should be limited and gradually she will find a friend for herself and leave you alone)

Answer from Michael[guru]
Pretend to be a hose. When you can't find a way out, it helps. Ignore her... insolently, the result will not keep you waiting!

Answer from Yovetlana Van-Du_lin[guru]
You are just completely different. And you really shouldn't be friends. Do not bother yourself with what to do? Yes, it’s nothing now, holidays, reduce communication to a minimum and that’s it.

Answer from sergey xxxxxxxxxx[guru]
I have 3 daughters, two over 20 and one 9 so I explained to everyone that they are individuals and you need to respect yourself and everyone has the right to their own opinion and does as they see fit so respect yourself and love yourself if you want to be treated well

Answer from *Flower*[guru]
Are you so dependent on her? Will she tower over you for the rest of her life? No need to behave like an amoeba, you need to be able to resist any negativity! Get yourself another girlfriend, even if not from your school, but your relationship must be terminated, even if you talk to her, this person will not understand you, she has chosen the role of leader! Change your social circle, do not invite home anymore, tell your relatives to come and will be visiting you for some time!

Answer from Yoel Tatiana[guru]
Based on everything written above, you can say for sure that she doesn’t consider you as a friend with such people, you need to completely limit communication, you don’t need to swear, just smartly move away from her. If now she chooses a guy for you at the age of 14, then what will she choose in two years

Answer from Iya astakhova[guru]
And what? Read all the answers!! For me, so awesome girlfriend)))))))))))))) Toli will still be (((((

Answer from cher[guru]
This is the most addictive girlfriend. Love her, kiss her, respect her, honor her.
Don’t even dare to quarrel, believe me you won’t find such a thing!! ! with such an individual you will not get bored.
But what to do - study tactically, predict, look for negativity, build your own profit ... believe me, you won’t find such material during the day with fire.

Answer from Michael A. Trumpe[guru]
"Citizen investigator, don't talk to me about female friendship! I've been selling hats in Stoleshnikov Lane for 20 years. Not once has a lady come to buy a hat without a friend. And not once, mind you, not once did her friend give her the right advice!"

Answer from berry raspberry[active]
don’t call her to visit, don’t go out with her, talk so dryly, at school hello for now, how are you and that’s it))) she keeps you sorry as for a fool whom she can say anything, otherwise you won’t say anything in response to her just conveniently with you, don’t share anything with her, don’t reveal your secrets, because tomorrow anything can happen and your so-called girlfriend will become the worst enemy who knows everything about you) and don’t be afraid of anyone, no classmates there, well, figs with them that they won’t communicate and you tell them one sheep does not communicate now and the whole herd obeys her)) good luck))

Answer from Ksenia[guru]
and you give it to her to read .... she will understand everything)))))))))

Answer from Alex A[guru]
The girl is quite flawed (I'm talking about your girlfriend). She wants to elevate herself in her own eyes at the expense of others.
in this case, humiliating you.
It is logical to start ignoring your girlfriend.
simply and silently.
it won't hurt your dignity in any way.
The main thing is not to succumb to provocation. and not start talking to her again
you need to stay away from such people.
believe

Don't be surprised - it happens in life! A friend with whom she connected so much, who understood you as a native person, at some point begins to annoy - communication deteriorates, omissions and misunderstandings begin ...

What to do if a girlfriend is annoying, and is it worth trying to establish sincerity and understanding in friendly relations - the site will tell the site!

Why is my girlfriend annoying?

In principle, the “annoying girlfriend” problem can arise in two cases:

1. A certain annoying person imposes his friendship on you, and you are unable to interrupt this acquaintance.
2. A friend with whom you have been friends for a long time begins to annoy at a certain stage.

Let's consider both situations.

Let's start with the first - someone who annoys you is trying to make friends with you. In general, if you are really sure that this person is unpleasant and uninteresting to you, the solution is obvious - to refuse friendship.

But in practice ... Sometimes you have to rush between decency and real desires for quite a long time: for example, to go somewhere at the invitation of a new girlfriend with her, not being able to come up with a plausible excuse, etc. Why such loyalty? Do you value your own time and nerves?

In general, from annoying annoying "girlfriends"!

The second situation - the girlfriend with whom you once intimately communicated begins to annoy. Causes:

• You have clearly left the circle of "general" biography. For example, they graduated from a university where they studied together, changed their place or field of work (if they were friends at work), your children of the same age grew up and went to different schools, or you simply went far away ... Well, it happens. It is difficult to artificially maintain a friendship in which there is no unifying moment, and not every friendship can go through "fire and water"! In general, friendship outside of circumstances is very rare, and you don’t have to wait for it in every case!
• A friend is going through some kind of personal moment or crisis that worsens your communication. For example, she broke up with a guy - whines and complains about her failed personal life. Or vice versa - she successfully married and only boasts of her luck, not paying attention to your problems. One of two things - either the “acute moment” will pass and everything will work out, or you really are not on the way with an eternal whiner or a lover of show-offs and boasting!
• You yourself have changed, “outgrown” your friend. You have new interests and priorities, you develop, and she stands still. No wonder a friend like that can annoy you!

What to do with an annoying friendship - break or reanimate?

So, there is a friend who seeks to communicate with you, but it burdens and annoys you ... What to do with such a friendship: you can always break it, but perhaps there are ways to make friendships more pleasant and not annoying anyone?

The site "Beautiful and Successful" offers several "tests" that should be arranged for this friendship. If all of them (or at least most of them) are successfully completed - probably not all is lost!

• Exclude from communication those topics that annoy you. For example, a friend who has recently given birth reduces all conversations to a baby and his baby problems, but this is completely irrelevant to you and you listen only out of politeness. Let your friend know that you don’t understand children, you can’t give sensible advice, while showing boredom and indifference with your whole appearance if the topic nevertheless pops up. You can directly ask to talk about something else and raise questions that interest you. If, after some “sessions” of such communication, the “sore topic” is still actively raised, i.e. a person at point blank range does not see that she annoys you - congratulations, most likely, you are being used as “free ears”. Perhaps a friend has already “got” everyone around with this topic, and only your courtesy allows her to ride her favorite “horse”. Draw conclusions - do you need such friendship, where your interests are simply ignored? Although such a scenario is also possible: a friend will understand your indifferent attitude to her pressing issues, and she will limit your communication in order to look for grateful free ears somewhere else!
• Start demanding concessions in relation to yourself. This is in the event that a friend annoys with constant "friendly" requests, without giving anything in return. So don't be modest - offer to go where you want, not her; ask to sit in the evening with your child; borrow a dress for a party, etc. If the requests are met adequately, then perhaps the friendship can be restored. It is possible that it was you who brought to the “one-way movement” in your friendship, suppressing your own initiative! But if a friend begins to resent the equality that has come or prefers to reduce communication, then she probably just used you, alas ...

• Stop making requests that weigh you down. Does your girlfriend annoy you by always putting things on you that you do only out of a sense of duty? Enough. Do what you really sincerely want to do. After all, most likely, you didn’t get into any “moral debts” before her! Learn to discard the motives “What will she think…”, “How to refuse her, her tongue does not turn…”, etc.
• Stop friendship for a while, disappear. Look, firstly, how much a friend needs you: does she call, write, what does she say and in what cases does she remember you - in order to sincerely take an interest in your affairs, or simply when there is nothing to do and no one to talk to?

But it also happens that all the above "tests" your friendship passes, but ... a friend is still annoying! It happens. Perhaps your paths with this person have diverged - if something once united you, now it is difficult for you to find common ground, because both you and she could change!

By the way, about how our site has already written!

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