How to control your emotions and what is it? Emotions are the prerogative of every mentally healthy person, but the difficulty lies in the fact that often we absolutely do not understand how to control them.
Inefficient Methods
Almost constantly, we turn to tried and tested ways to manage emotions.
Young men very often resort to computer games, strong drinks and cigarettes.
Girls try to curb their own emotions through food or shopping.
There's nothing wrong with that as long as it doesn't happen all the time. But in most cases, we actually use such not very good methods on a daily basis. Ultimately, we have problems with relationships, job responsibilities and well-being.
Ways to control emotions
What are rational ways to control emotions?
There are some postulates that should not be forgotten.
- Emotions are not your choice, since they are the responsibility of that part of the gray matter that is beyond our control.
- Emotions are not governed by ethical standards. These are emotions, and nothing more.
- You are responsible for your own emotions.
- You are able to curb emotions, but you are not able to eradicate them.
- Emotions often lead a person to the wrong path. But in some cases they can open up great prospects for us. It all depends on what you intend to do.
- The more you suppress them, the more intense they become.
- The most correct method for taking control of emotions is to allow yourself to experience them.
- Emotions feed your thoughts. You can use your thoughts to control your own emotions.
- You need to become aware of your emotions, as well as what they signal, and in this way you will get rid of nervous shocks. Simply put, you need to brainstorm your emotions.
- Every emotion has a hidden meaning. This meaning allows you to better understand yourself, even if you try not to show it. Take care of yourself and come to terms with all the emotions that you experience by living the appropriate state.
- The way your mother and father responded to your emotions influences how you perceive them now. While you were developing as a person, your emotions underwent similar changes. They became more and more complex and distinct.
- Your emotions have long sought to splash out. They do not evaporate, but grow inside, and all this is not devoid of a certain meaning.
- If you want to better understand your own emotions, then you can not fence yourself off from them, so as not to allow disagreements with people.
Under the influence of negative emotions, people make most of the mistakes in their lives. Therefore, it is important to learn how to get rid of them and control their appearance.
Emotion- this is a physiological reaction to internal and external stimuli that are transmitted between people or animals, caused by events, situations. They can be either pleasant (positive) or unpleasant (negative). As a rule, negative emotions prevail over positive ones.
CAUSES OF EMOTIONS
The first step is to understand why and how a person has emotions in order to be able to prepare for them. Emotions arise in any case, it is impossible to avoid them, they can only be controlled. And they arise because of external and internal stimuli, to which we naturally react emotionally.
It is impossible to divide stimuli into those to which we react emotionally and those that do not cause emotions in us, because everything that we deal with in the external world and that affects us from the inside causes us emotions. It's just that in some cases we may have a moderate emotional reaction to something, while in others it is quite violent. Emotions are an innate reaction at the level of a reflex.
Nature has made man so that he can respond to certain stimuli as quickly as possible. From birth, we cannot think, reflect, analyze, evaluate, compare, we need to learn this. And a person needs to respond to certain stimuli as soon as he is born. In addition, conscious comprehension of something requires much more time than an instant reflex reaction to a particular stimulus.
Therefore, an emotional reaction to something is a quick reaction. It is instinctive, unconscious, primitive, reflexive, but most importantly fast. And in nature, speed is of great importance. If our primitive ancestors, having met a predator, would begin to think about what and how they should do, they simply would not survive. But the emotions that they experienced at that moment, primarily fear, forced them to make quick decisions necessary to save their lives.
Therefore, in this sense, emotions are our protection against various kinds of threats, to which a person must be able to respond quickly. Another thing is that not in all situations they should prevail over the mind. Therefore, they need to be able to pacify.
HOW TO CONTROL EMOTIONS
Consider the main methods designed to control and manage emotions. if these emotions are purely negative - anger, anger, fear, envy, resentment, hatred, etc. - they need to be able to completely eradicate them in oneself, burn them out, destroy them and replace them with the necessary positive qualities that give strength and dignity. Such as - calmness, patience, forgiveness, self-control, mercy, kindness and good nature, gratitude, acceptance, love.
1. To begin with, you need to learn at least to stop, to restrain yourself - do not shout in response to a provocation or expressed resentment, but learn, before saying something (yelling) in response, at least count to ten or take a deep breath 3 times - exhale. If you have managed to do this, this is already a big victory! The next step is to extinguish this or that emotion, in the beginning - at least stop, block it. This allows you to take a breath and still think with your head before you blurt out something without thinking.
At first, you may have to quickly get out of the situation (run out of the room or from the office), so as not to break loose and break firewood, calm down to breathe, drink some water, think about what to answer adequately, then go in and say what you planned.
2. Method of switching yourself! Switching yourself to something else is a purely psychological method and is suitable for people with a good imagination. For example, imagine that a person does not swear at you, but reads poetry to you, and thank him for every word, saying “I love you very much too.” Sometimes it can help a lot, but it doesn’t work for everyone, this method is more suitable for fun and creative people. It allows you to prevent the awakening, in them, of negative emotions.
3. Method of switching another or shock therapy! One friend used it. The boss started yelling at her in the elevator, she listened and listened, and when he stopped talking, she asked calmly and smiling - “Evgeny Olegovich, do you want me to sing a song for you?”, - he was taken aback, did not say a word in response, went out on the wrong floor. He didn't yell at her anymore. This is from the category of preventing negative emotions in oneself and blocking them in another. But it is, nevertheless, a method of control and management.
4. Self-hypnosis method! Autosuggestion has 2 modes - normal and esoteric. Esoteric - this is for those who own the energy techniques of self-hypnosis and reprogramming. Such a method, if a negative emotion has risen, allows not only to extinguish it, but also immediately rewrite it, to a positive reaction through self-hypnosis - for example, burn anger and reveal, strengthen goodwill, or destroy fear and strengthen fearlessness and courage.
Simplified technique of self-hypnosis - these are affirmations, that is, pronouncing certain programs to yourself: “I increase calmness”, “I manage myself”, “I am calm, independent and invulnerable”, etc.
5. Yogic Breathing - Pranayama! Breath of fire and other types of yogic breathing, including - are designed to learn how to control emotions. The same techniques, with their regular practice, allow you to learn how to burn through negative emotions and establish inner peace. The sages say “Peace is the door to Paradise”. So try it, it's worth it.
6. Meditative techniques, practices! Meditation allows you to learn how to do several important things:
A) Develop a state of deep peace and relaxation in order to gradually transfer it to your whole life.
V) In a comfortable meditative state, learn to raise your negative emotions (through modeling a conflict situation), consider your anger, for example, see its cause and remove it altogether, that is, reprogram your usual reaction.
WITH) Find stronger and more worthy reactions and master them through the simulation of the necessary situation in meditation. Moreover, this can be done many times until the reaction becomes stable and starts to automatically work out in real life.
7. Technique Identification! To dress oneself in the image of some chosen hero or heroine, to present oneself to him (the hero) and act, react in everything exactly like him. Ask yourself, what would a real Knight or a true Lady do in this situation, imagine it further, play this worthy role to the end. It works, however, this technique is also more suitable for creative or spiritual people with imagination.
8. Prayer! For believers. When you feel that you are about to be pissed off and you see that you can not restrain yourself (lose control) - close your eyes and start praying, forgive God, take away your and his (the second person's) negative from the Light Forces, and give you in this situation, what is most needed (strength, patience, goodwill, the ability to forgive the offender, wisdom, etc.). It works! If you can do all this without closing your eyes, pray with open eyes. If you feel that you can’t stand the negative pressure, get out of the situation (leave the room for 5 minutes and put yourself in order).
9. Simulation of the situation. Let's look at another very good way to prepare for such situations that can cause a person to have strong emotions that are difficult to cope with. Try to simulate these situations in your imagination, immerse yourself in them and consider several options for your behavior, which should be as deliberate and effective as possible.
Do this several times, like an actor in front of a mirror, train your psyche so that it is ready for the most likely scenarios in your life. And then all those events for which you prepare in this way will not take you by surprise, which means that you will be able to cope with emotions much better.
Here it is important to ensure that your thought is faster than your feelings. There is no problem yet, but you are already solving it - you use your brain to be one step ahead of your reactions to certain situations, and not one step behind, as is the case with emotions. Notice how easily we get emotional when we are dealing with an unfamiliar situation. And why? But because we do not have a ready answer to the question that life puts before us.
To prevent this from happening, imagine all the possible situations in which you may find yourself and find an answer to them, or rather a few that will help you figure it out in these situations. In other words, start triggering the thought process before there is a reason for emotions to arise. Start controlling them before they show up.
10. Rest. It is impossible not to say about the rest, as one of the ways to control emotions. A person needs to have a good rest, so as not to be too emotional, especially irritable. After all, when he gets tired, he no longer has enough resources to think about certain things, and he slides into emotions, as more, as we have found out, a simple form of reaction to various stimuli. Therefore, the more you get tired, the more the quality of your thinking decreases, with the help of which you can process the information that comes to you, and not just react to it.
Well, it seems to be simple and clear, however, many people do not attach much importance to rest and often neglect it. They can work a lot and have little rest, and then, on emotions, because of fatigue, make a bunch of different mistakes, the harm from which can significantly exceed the benefits of their shock work.
But this is not always obvious, so many people often do not take their rest seriously, especially their most important form - sleep. So I suggest to everyone who has little rest to reconsider their views on this issue. Well-rested people, people who get enough sleep are more balanced.
11. Disidentification with one's Self. A way to help you control yourself and your emotions in the most difficult situations- this is the ability to abstract from one's personality in order, so to speak, to look at oneself from the outside. To do this, you need to disidentify with your I. Disidentification with your I is a view of yourself as an outsider with whom what you observe in your life happens.
Sometimes it is even useful to imagine yourself as a different person, that is, to consciously split your personality and understand the problems of the first person from the position of the second person. This is similar to dissociative identity disorder, only in this case it does not happen by itself, as in the case of a mental disorder, but absolutely consciously, when a person invents a new personality for himself.
In this case, the person will not get sick with this disorder. Its meaning is not to experience certain events, feelings, emotions too totally, but to look at them from the outside. This method is well suited for those situations when a person is very, very sick, very hurt and suffers a lot, so he can no longer remain the person with whom he identifies.
Split personality occurs precisely on this soil. Therefore, it is better to do this split yourself, consciously, than to wait until your psyche breaks down and you get an uncontrollable mental disorder.
12. Active physical exercise! They always help, for burning negativity - good physical activity. Go to the gym to beat a pear, 50 push-ups from the floor (for women 20) or sit down. Run on a treadmill for 20 minutes at an intense pace. In general, if you have accumulated and there is no more urine to endure - go and dump, burn all the negativity in training. It works! Athletes who train to exhaustion, up to 7 sweats, are usually very calm people, without negative emotions, because all their negativity burns out in training.
It is impossible to live without emotions. But you can live by controlling them. Be the master of your emotions - become the master of your life.
In the question "How to learn to control emotions" sounds the goal. Many people want to learn how to control their emotions. After all, a balanced and restrained person is perceived as reliable, intelligent, serious. Too emotional people scare others, and it doesn’t matter what emotion goes off scale: either a person is crying bitterly, or laughing out loud.
Before you start working on yourself, you need to get rid of from existing stereotype that emotions are something light, insignificant, something that must quickly submit to the mind.
People often say to others: “Calm down! Stop worrying now! Can’t you pull yourself together?” But when it’s their turn to worry, they just don’t know what to do with themselves.
Emotions control people and people get very angry with themselves when they fail to control emotions, because underestimate their strength and significance.
Why you should not be angry with yourself when emotions control and direct, you can understand by learning what emotions are in general. We recommend that you read the article to learn more about the nature and functional significance of emotions.
Emotions it is not just some mental processes and states, it is a complex psychophysiological mechanism of internal regulation mental activity and behavior, aimed at meeting the actual needs of a person. Roughly speaking, emotions help a person to survive. Both bad and good emotions vital people, they regulate behavior by directing a person to the side To achieving and maintaining well-being and from trouble.
Manage emotions - social need. Although this is difficult, it is possible and often simply necessary for a cultured, civilized person.
Emotion control is...
Emotions, out of scope normal manifestation, they no longer serve for the benefit of a person, they provoke illnesses (including mental ones), spoil relations with others, impede self-realization in various spheres of life, change personality (a person becomes impulsive, irritable, aggressive, etc.).
Excessively long and intense emotions, especially negative ones, can make a person unhappy and ruin life significantly. It is known, for example, that in a state of passion an individual can even commit a crime.
Emotions to control hard, and such extreme intense and inhibiting all other mental processes of the form as affects is impossible at all. The stronger the emotion, the more effort will be required to curb it. Therefore it is much easier not bring emotion to a state of excessive and too long, learn to control yourself.
No matter how difficult, but still a huge number of people are able to regulate their emotional state. Actors, politicians, lawyers, the military do it masterfully - many people know how to control themselves.
Control emotions it's not the same as suppressing or ignoring them! Emotion control implies:
- skill realize, that is, to catch yourself thinking about the occurrence of emotions and understand how this or that experienced emotion is specifically called,
- skill accept and bad and good emotions and understand their functional significance, necessity for the body and personality,
- the ability to manage them, that is, to maintain normal intensity and duration of experiences.
Control over emotions it is managing them to the extent possible when they have already arisen, as well as the ability to prevent the undesirable development of strong, excessive, dangerous emotions.
How to learn to control emotions in 5 steps
There are many emotions and each of them requires separate consideration. It is not difficult to guess that the mechanism for restraining laughter and fear will be different. But still there are some universal recommendations given by psychologists:
Small secret: to relax the clamped muscles, they need to be tightened even more. It is necessary to press even more strongly, squeeze, squeeze, twist the clamped area, after which this muscle group will automatically relax. If you can’t give yourself such a mini-massage, then you need to try to make a face at least a little, so the muscles of the face will relax.
So, essence of emotional control in skill:
- be aware of them and their bodily expression,
- by willpower to control their intensity,
- intelligently regulate their behavior without denying the presence of emotions.
Any emotion is a hint, a signal to action. You need to listen to her.
Most people want to learn how to control negative emotions (fear, anger, resentment, guilt, envy), but a negative emotion stimulates a person’s activity aimed at avoiding harmful and dangerous outside influences!
Emotion is not an enemy, but a friend. If you understand this, it is easier to understand yourself. If a person is annoying, instead of hiding the negative, isn't it better not to communicate with him at all? If you are afraid of something, maybe you don’t need to do it, but if you do, then first get rid of fear? If envy arises, maybe it's time to stop comparing yourself with someone and become more confident in yourself?
What emotions do you find the most difficult to control?
Hello, friends.
Many people ask how to learn to control their emotions and not be nervous. And indeed, this question is relevant today for many. People are beginning to understand that if we do not learn to control feelings, emotions and constantly get nervous, we will never become truly healthy and happy.
After all, what is meditation really?
It is the awakening of true awareness, the real Self, higher consciousness. You seem to rise to the height of a bird's flight and look at your psyche, your mind from above. Looking at them from the outside, you disidentify with them and begin to control them.
Those exercises that I gave above are similar to meditation. It’s just that in real meditation you don’t specifically evoke an emotion in yourself, don’t remember it, but create conditions for the spontaneous release of the psycho-emotional sphere. What feeling will appear before your eyes, and then dissolve under the onslaught of your awareness, you do not know in meditation.
However, by meditating, you will become very good at mastering the skill of controlling your psyche.
Understanding emotions in life
With the help of the above techniques and meditation, you can learn to control feelings and emotions. In complete silence, turning your gaze inward, you will get better and better. But as soon as you once again find yourself in a stressful situation, you again begin to get nervous, worry, experience fear, and so on, that is, the emotional sphere absorbs you again, you identify with it, lose yourself.
What to do? Everything is simple. It is necessary to develop mindfulness in everyday life, in other words, to be aware of and control emotions not only during meditation or during special exercises, but always, everywhere, in any situation.
In general, if you practice meditation correctly, the awareness gained in it will gradually pass into everyday life. But for many, due to the increased work of the psyche, this happens for a very long time. That is why you need to develop awareness outside of special practice.
What do we have to do? As soon as you begin to experience any unpleasant emotion, before it swallows you, you need to remember about awareness and try to look at it from the outside, to realize it. That is, apply the skill of looking at the feeling that you have learned in meditation or in exercises, but already in real life. Of course, this will be more difficult to do, it is not so easy to remember when emotion overwhelms you.
During a seated workout, you had ideal conditions for observing the psyche: silence, closed eyes, looking inward. Everything is more difficult in life.
But the main thing is not to despair. Each time you will get better and better. Even if you could not immediately stop the emotional avalanche, but remembered the realization a little later and said to yourself: "I got angry again, or, let's say, scared", then that's good. You succumbed to emotions, but you realized that you were angry, which means that you already realized it, albeit later. It was like a realization in hindsight. "Oh, I shouted again, I could not restrain myself, where I was at that time."
Many people become so identified with their psyche that they cannot even be aware later, when the emotion is behind them. They never admit to themselves or others that they were wrong, that they were not in themselves, that it was emotion that controlled them. People like sheep see only their own point of view and cannot look at the world from a different point of view, understand another person.
Therefore, realizing in hindsight, you have already taken a big step and become more developed. You have already become not a sheep, but a more conscious animal. In order to become completely human, you must be aware not only after you have already broken firewood, absorbed by emotion, but during the very emotional influx.
Recognize and re-aware. Look at emotions from the outside, but do not run away from them.
Gradually, you will get better and better.
How will this work in practice?
For example, you go to an important meeting, and you start to get nervous. Emotion immediately absorbs you, you lose your head, because you lose your I, you start to create anything. At this moment, there is a narrowing of consciousness due to the fact that the emotion has taken all the energy, all the attention. You start to see narrowly, like in a tunnel. That's why we make mistakes, we see, we realize limitedly.
At that moment, while the emotion has not taken all the energy and while you are still able to think something, you just need to remember that you can be aware of the emotion, observe it, control it. Remember the exercises, remember the skill of detached observation, acquired in exercises and meditation. Remembering, start looking at the emotion from the outside, be aware of it. The faster you remember, the easier it will be for you to stop the emotion, because at the beginning of an emotional avalanche you have more free energy, your head is not completely clouded yet, and there is still a piece of I left.
I repeat, as soon as an emotion has overwhelmed you, remember awareness and begin to be aware of it, look at it, or at its manifestations, from the outside.
If you do everything right, it will subside, dissolve, and you will come to the meeting, no longer nervous, with a sober head and do everything right.
Don't despair if it doesn't work right away. Yes, you won't be able to right now. Your awareness is still underdeveloped. Train it in meditation and over time you will easily be able to control emotions everywhere and always. You will succeed.
Life without emotions? What for?
It may seem to you that having learned to control our psyche, we will turn into some kind of robots without emotions or universal soldiers, always cold-blooded and never smiling. It may be better to be constantly nervous, but to remain human. This is a very erroneous opinion. And it arises from misconceptions about human consciousness.
As I said before, emotions do not need to be completely eliminated. They help us interact with the outside world, with the people around us. They are created for this by nature. We just need to remember that they are only a tool, our part, they belong to us, but we are not them. For most people, the psycho-emotional sphere absorbs our Self so much that there is no question of any awareness. We lose ourselves in emotions, we identify with them. When they arise, we follow their lead, completely obey them, and therefore constantly make mistakes, regretting them later.
When we learn to control them and awaken our awareness, our emotions will change. Yes, they will not disappear, there is no goal to get rid of them, but they will become different. What is very important, they will no longer go off scale, you will forget about the emotional shaking.
If we present our emotions in the form of a graph, then we will get both a positive peak and a negative one. It's full of positive and negative emotions. Busting and shaking from positive emotions is also not very good, it is also a waste of energy and health. After you learn to be aware of your psyche, the emotional graph will cut off and there will no longer be big peaks. All this will lead to an even, not twitchy, calm character. You will stop losing your head in any difficult situations, gain sobriety of thoughts and clarity of thinking. After all, emotions only intoxicate a person, do not give a look at the true state of things. Having gained control over them, you seem to wake up from hibernation, sober up and finally begin to see everything around in the true light.
Those who do not know the nature of consciousness do not understand why it is necessary to put control over emotions. They think that we consist only of the lower layers of consciousness: emotions, feelings, thoughts. But in fact, having removed the upper layer of the psyche, where emotions live, deeper layers of our consciousness begin to come to the surface. This is how we get to the real Self, to awareness, to the human soul. And these upper layers have their own feelings (not emotions), which are different from animal feelings and emotions. And they are much more pleasant, more saturated, more colorful. Such feelings include love, compassion, quiet spiritual joy and other manifestations of the soul.
That is why a person who has learned to control his emotions does not become an insensitive robot. On the contrary, he acquires other feelings that are much more pleasant to experience. And the fewer peaks of emotional shake-up you have, the more you will experience precisely positive higher feelings. Negative emotions will be replaced by positive ones.
You will more often experience joy simply from existence itself, depression, apathy and other psychological problems will go away.
Therefore, learn to manage your emotions in order not only to gain bright positive feelings, to find health and happiness, but also to become a Human with a capital letter, not to be an animal.
That's all for today.
And remember, you will succeed. Health and happiness are actually not far from you. You just have to put things in order in your head, and they will come to you.
See you soon, friends.
And now some nice music for you from me.
The inability to control our emotions, sometimes, not in the best way affects our relationships with other people. If you want to avoid problems in many areas of life due to the inability to suppress your anger, jealousy and other negative feelings, then we recommend that you use some simple tips.
Managing your own emotions - good or bad
It should be understood that the control of emotions does not mean a ban on emotions in general. We are talking about the upbringing of an internal culture, which, as a rule, characterizes precisely decent and self-confident people. Please note that there is nothing wrong with freely demonstrating your spontaneous positive emotions, but this should in no way prevent you from suppressing negative manifestations of feelings in special situations. As you already understood, control of emotions can be called management, first of all, involuntary emotions, which in turn can be called one of the most important components of a person's self-control. It is also important to understand that control in no way equals prohibition. If you learn to control your emotions well at the right time, then, of course, this will only play into your hands. When a person is truly mature, he will not complain about the lack of self-control - he diligently develops it. And in general, complaints are behavior inherent in children and “adult children” who do not want to grow up. As a result, we can conclude that for a comfortable life in society, control of emotions is still needed. However, for a neurotic and unrestrained person, this will not be easy - in this case, such a task can do more harm than good. Such a person will be even more annoyed, and as a result, the situation may turn out to be worse than it was originally. At the same time, it is important to emphasize that the total inability to restrain oneself refers to mental disorders, no matter how serious it may sound. Perhaps it makes sense to consult a specialist. If you learn to manage emotions, then there will be no need to control them. Remember that the spontaneous nature of emotions interferes with our achievement of long-term goals - with our mood swings, we can complicate our own life at the most inopportune moment. It is very difficult to come to the realization of one's true purpose for a person who regularly succumbs to an emotional outburst.How to learn to control your emotions and manage them
We often get emotional at the wrong time. Not always one of our reactions is an adequate response in a given situation. Probably, you yourself have noticed that in moments of emotional outburst, often, we think much worse than in a calm state. Sometimes, you just need to move away from the situation, but internal impulses simply do not allow it. And yet, a person who has managed to make himself a developed personality understands how useful it is to be able to manage your emotions. Also, for sure, many people understand that an educated person differs from an ill-mannered person in that he is able to control himself, even when it is rather difficult. In general, self-control is very important. What techniques can you use to cultivate self-restraint? "Hold" your face This advice is very simple, but has a tremendous effect. Even if a negative emotion has already arisen for you, do not let it show on your face! If you manage to do this, the intensity of emotions will obviously become less. With some effort, for sure, you will be able to develop the skill of “calm presence” in yourself. As you know, the Indians are famous for the fact that they often skillfully control their emotions - not a single muscle flinches on their face when they are angry, disappointed or surprised. Perhaps, in such a reaction, the true inner strength of a person is manifested. Conclusion: no matter what storms overcome you inside, outwardly you should not demonstrate it. Breath In peak situations, it is important to monitor your breathing - when its rhythm changes, the emotional state also undergoes a change. Just calmly inhale and exhale, and your condition will gradually return to normal.
When you are the boss, you need to learn to control yourself emotionally
People who find themselves in leadership positions often cease to adequately evaluate colleagues over time, demanding more from them than they are able or able to give. As a result, an employee who does not live up to expectations falls under emotional fire. Think about it, perhaps in your team there is a similar situation, and you simply demand more from people than they are obliged to do. If this is not the case at all, and you understand that the employee has not coped with his immediate duties, then it is much more effective to reprimand him in a cold and strict tone than to go on shouting.Ways to deal with emotions when you are a subordinate
The most important thing is not to try on the image of the victim. Sometimes, an employee who is offended by the manager almost “relishes” the painful phrases that he voices. A person does not analyze the spoken words, does not think what caused them - he simply accumulates hatred for the boss. Of course, it is not easy to be neutral towards a person who radiates negativity in your direction, but it is also important to remember that hatred destroys a person, so you should not cherish it. Perhaps, in some similar situation, you are not able to give a worthy rebuff, but you are certainly capable of ignoring. When you realize that the situation has become a peak, just turn off your consciousness. You don't have to prove anything to your opponent. Wait until he speaks out, and only then calmly tell him what you wanted. Do not worry that this will not be timely - this will not cancel the desired effect.How to become emotionally stable in any situation
Learn to deal with negative emotions and not succumb to them
If you develop the following skills in yourself, then it will be much easier for you to learn how to manage your emotions.- Attention management. You should pay attention to important, positive things, and try not to focus on the negative. Control of facial expressions. In particularly difficult situations, it is advisable to save face and not show that you are overcome by any negative emotions. Developed imagination. It helps, if necessary, to distract from unpleasant situations, and “switch” to something else. Breathing. When you learn to control your breathing, it will be easier for you to calm yourself.
Do not suppress or hide your emotions - it is important to be able to control them
As we have already noted, do not forbid yourself to express emotions. We are talking about something completely different - emotions need to be kept under control! Do not give vent to too negative manifestations of feelings, and allow yourself to demonstrate a positive mood. Let's find out what a person who is not able to control negative emotions can lose. 1) Positive state A person who has been overcome by negative feelings is hardly capable of thinking positively. Having succumbed to the influence of anger, anger, or something like that, he is unlikely to be able to “tune in” to another wave in the near future. 2) Calmness Sometimes, this is even more important than being positive. A person who is in a calm state is always able to think more soberly than one who is subject to overwhelming emotions. 3) Relationships Unfortunately, many relationships, which include love, friendship, business, are collapsing due to the fact that someone failed to restrain the flow of negativity in time. Often such behavior undermines trust, kills feelings, which in the end often leads to a break in relations. 4) Reputation A person who allows himself the frequent manifestation of negative emotions is unlikely to have a reputation as a respected and adequate person. When you don’t know what to expect from the interlocutor or you assume that he may suddenly flare up or something like that, you try to limit communication with him. Gradually, an opinion is formed about a person that does not paint him at all. 5) Control over life Those who are not able to control their emotions cannot fully control their lives. By succumbing to a sudden impulse, a person can lose a lot or face other unpleasant consequences of his impulse. As a result, the life of such a person is less successful than it could be. In general, the list of losses does not end there, but it is already obvious from the points listed that the lack of control over emotions can sometimes lead to an unpleasant outcome.
Techniques for coping with over-emotionality
identification technique. It can help in some peak situations when you need to control yourself. In such cases, it is useful to imagine yourself not as yourself, but as someone else. You can try on the image of some hero or person that you want to be like in such moments. Accordingly, you should react and act in the same way as the person with whom you identify yourself would do. The method is quite suitable for creative people with a developed imagination. Self-hypnosis technique. You may well use a simplified self-hypnosis technique. At the right moment, you should say certain attitudes to yourself: “I own myself”, “I am invulnerable and calm”, “Nothing will drive me crazy”, and the like.Parenting Books on Managing Emotions
If you understand that your family members are not always able to cope with the intensity of any emotions, then, of course, it makes sense to get acquainted with the literature that teaches you to cope with the manifestation of negativity. Which books should you pay special attention to? You may like the methodology that Richard Fitfield offers in his book “Managing Emotions. Creation of harmonious relations. Also a lot of useful information can be gleaned in the book "The New Positive Psychology: A Scientific View of Happiness and the Meaning of Life" (Seligman Martin E.P.). For many parents, the work of Capponi W. and Novak T. “Your own psychologist” or Rainwater J. “It is in your power to help in managing emotions can help. How to become your own psychotherapist. Emotion management does not need to be presented as a particularly difficult task, however, it should not be ignored either. It is often difficult to achieve the set goal for people who have already missed the moment of the emergence of an emotion, did not warn it and the actions of the interlocutors who created these emotions. It is easy for an experienced specialist to understand whether a person is able to control his emotions by studying his “body language”. If a person is imperturbable, his body is relaxed and collected - he is probably able to master his condition at the right moment. If a person's movements are chaotic, his gaze is uncertain or wandering, then, apparently, it is not easy for him to cope with possible negative reactions. Also, a specialist can give a very disappointing assessment to a person whose body is very tense, clamped, or as if “trembling”. What is meant by the last definition? "Rattle" is characterized by uncontrolled tension running through the body - it can be twitching of the fingers, lips, muscles near the eyes, and so on. These symptoms can be learned to be controlled by training "calm presence", which is mentioned separately in this article. There is another important condition for managing emotions - you should learn to relax yourself in various conditions and situations. Always make sure that the body is in a calm state - such a skill will provide you with wonderful results.
Don Juan on the control of emotions (Carlos Castaneda "Controlled Stupidity")
The last point will tell you about stalking - a special technique that helps to track down your emotions and feelings in order to keep them under control. In Castaneda's writings, don Juan says that stalking can be called "controlled stupidity." If you have studied English, then you probably know that the word "stalking" comes from the verb "to stalk", which means "to secretly pursue, using various tricks and tricks", and usually refers to hunting. A hunter is called a stalker. Don Juan Matus taught Castaneda how to hunt, first offering to study the habits of wild animals. The author of the book is convinced that in everyday life one should not forget about the stalker's method. It is obvious that the actions of the stalker, as a rule, are based on observations, and not at all on what he thinks. Often we are unable to distinguish between our ideas and reality, confusing observation with judgment. Meanwhile, when a hunter watches, there is no place in his thoughts for reflection, condemnation, internal dialogue - he simply observes what is happening. Carlos Castaneda points out our attention to the fact that sometimes we not only do not control our negative emotions, but we indulge them. Many people know what it means to be offended by someone, angry or suffering for many years, without doing anything that could eliminate this state. Don Juan calls such indulgence of one's feelings, weaknesses and self-pity a waste of energy that brings only fatigue and deprives us of many accomplishments. Of course, there is no doubt that a person who indulges in such weaknesses becomes weak himself.
Andrey Gavrilovich Volkov
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