Or three t and from. The rule of three “t” - work, talent, patience

27.12.2023

During any presentations, reports, speeches at meetings, you are faced with one fundamental question - whether to choose:

Light verbal skirmish, which helps strengthen connections between participants, but can interfere with productive business communication,

A constructive approach that allows you to skillfully return the discussion to a business direction and achieve results.

My approach is constructive, and it consists of systematically stopping the so-called “initiating chains” - sequences of remarks with increasing mutual irritation - applying the so-called “rule of three Ts”.

Suppose the initial situation is this: your speech (report) is focused on a certain result and is structured accordingly, but the dialogue partners are carried away by secondary issues, and the purpose of the entire discussion begins to elude its participants.

Or personal attacks begin, followed by polemical attacks with the aim of putting pressure on you personally or casting doubt on your competence.

Your goal is to get the conversation participants to return to the substance of the matter and restore the normal flow of the discussion.

Rule of three Ts

Proceed according to the scheme ToisN - Tigp

(touch - turn - speak).

Turn: return to the original topic.

Talk: deepen this topic so that it again becomes the main topic of discussion.

Example - when getting personal

Touch Please refrain from polemics. Let us, in the common interest, stick to the substance of the matter and the main topic of today's meeting.

Turn Our theme is product quality

XYZ at your enterprise.

Talk I have already pointed out the negative effects

issues regarding deliveries to our customers. Thus, it is necessary to ensure impeccable quality within an acceptable time frame. One of the approaches to solving: ;. The essence of this problem is...

Example - when deviating from the main topic

Touch Please refrain during our business meeting

from discussing extraneous issues. It is in everyone's interest to remain results-oriented and substantive in the discussion.

Turn Our topic is the quality of the XYZ product in your enterprise. |

Ta1k I have already pointed out the negative effects regarding supplies to our customers. Thus, it is necessary to ensure impeccable quality within an acceptable time frame. One approach to solving this problem is...

Advice. When giving a presentation, participating in a meeting or a round table discussion, relate the application of the method Touch - Turn - Ta1k with switching eye contact.

Application example

Touch (Eye contact with the recipient). Please refrain from polemics. Let us, in the common interest, stick to the substance of the matter and the main topic of today's meeting.

Turn (Gaze is transferred to another participant). Our common theme is the quality of the XY2 product in our enterprise.

(You exchange a glance with this participant). I have already pointed out the negative effects regarding supplies to our customers. Thus, it is necessary to ensure impeccable quality within an acceptable time frame. One approach to solving this problem is...

In this way, you connect the second addressee within this dialogue, since eye contact simultaneously means: “Well, dear, do you have any objections?!” In addition, the simultaneous application of the “three T rule” in verbal and non-verbal versions blocks repeated evasion of the topic.

The advantages of the “three T rule” are obvious:

· You do not allow the topic to change and strictly stay in the main direction of the dialogue.

· Although you accept questions and remarks from the field, you introduce them within the framework of the dialogue, its topic and context.

· You effectively exclude from the issues discussed anything that is not directly related to the topic.

· In particular, you do not allow the personal qualities of the participants to be affected and focus all attention on the merits of the matter.

· You actively defend your strong, consistent position and stay strictly on topic.

· You invariably stop all sorts of verbal skirmishes and meaningless disputes about who is more competent. You keep the discussion in your hands all the time.

· You prevent any maneuvers aimed at disrupting the meeting with clear and binding boundaries for everyone.

· You effectively and consistently prevent discussions from going sideways.

· You accept questions, but this helps guide the discussion in the way you want, getting results, and your answers are accurate and succinct messages.

· Ultimately, all questions are answered, but you focus on developing the dialogue so that the questions are assessed accordingly.

Please think about the following:

Any answer is recognition of the legitimacy of the question!

Basic principles of rhetoric.

· Build affirmative structures.

Wrong; “We have not gathered here to attack each other!”
Correct: “We have gathered here to discuss quality, please give us your suggestions for changes!”

· Emphasize what is said through clear judgments.

Incorrect: “This way we could achieve the purpose of the meeting better and faster.”

Correct: “In this way we achieve the goal of our meeting!”

· If you need to use a negative construction (it is better to do this as rarely as possible, since repetition contributes to the installation of a false anchor), place it before the positive statement.

Wrong: “This is about the product, not about your sphere of influence and responsibility.”

Correct: “This is not about your sphere of influence and responsibility, but about the product.”

· formulate your thoughts concisely and precisely.

Incorrect: “So, now the situation is such that after we have made several unsuccessful attempts to approach the topic, a certain approach to it, naturally, with some ...” Correct: “... to the topic of discussion. We will consider that we have agreed on the following...”

· Avoid any conditional and restrictive constructions, expressions that indicate your intellectual or communicative failure.

Wrong: “Maybe now is the time, in some way, literally once, and I have always approved of this, although, of course, there is an objection...” Correct: “Please, let's go back to proposals for solving the problem. The previous offer was...”

· When conducting a discussion, use the imperative mood rather than questions. Incorrect: “Can’t we return to our topic - quality?”

Correct: “Herr Müller, please justify for us your constructive proposal for solving the problem!”

· Avoid negative repetitions - they reinforce false messages and create grounds for criticism.

Incorrect: “A deplorable picture? No, it’s not at all deplorable.” Correct: “No, in the eyes of clients and the general public we look great!”

A few selected typical and possible Touch patterns:

· This is an unrelated topic.

· Exactly.

· This issue is considered in a different context.

· This will be discussed later.

· This is your opinion only.

· You lump everything into one pile.

· Our clients are interested in something else.

· This is another aspect.

· True False.

· This is purely speculative reasoning.

· This is how it looks from a superficial and limited view.

· This is where you make a mistake.

· You are proceeding from erroneous data.

· This is a false impression.

In case of negative statements addressed to

· you personally,

· your enterprise,

· his reputation,

· your competence,

· your education or

· your experience,

counter questions are prohibited. Normally, the enemy will respond to you with a verbal salvo from all onboard guns.

An example of a failed defense with: a counter question (": "* Attack: “You have a bad reputation!”

Fatal counter question; "Why you
do you think so?”

Possible answer: “Firstly, all the employees speak badly of you behind your back, secondly, no one really believes that you will bring this extremely important project to successful completion, and thirdly, you were already responsible for one important project and failed it - although you, of course, deny it!”

If you are still interested in the development of the topic, I recommend using a counter-question of an evaluative nature: “How did you get such an erroneous impression?”

Then subsequent words will be perceived by others present through the prism of your preliminary assessment.

In answers constructed according to the “rule of three Ts,” Touch and Turn are often opposites.

It is important that the response to the interlocutor’s precise attack should be equally accurate. This contrast crystallizes in the form of opposing concepts:

Below I will give a couple of examples of successful application of the rules of rhetoric, where the answers naturally and obviously emphasize the positive meaning of clear statements.

Examples

“Have you ever heard of the laws of rhetoric?”

Incorrect: “Yes!”

rule of three "T" according to Michel Auden
Three T:
"Silence"
"Warm"
"Darkness"
During childbirth, the hormone oxytocin plays a key role. And it is produced with the help of the neocortex, this is the cerebral cortex, and as soon as it reacts to bright light, noise, questions, or tries to save a woman in labor from the cold, the production of oxytocin immediately suffers.
for better dilation of the cervix, it is enough to follow the rule of three Ts) and, of course, relax and open up to contractions. By clenching and screaming, we only prolong the labor. I hope that all this will be useful to me, and I won’t lose my head like everyone writes about it!

Comments

If it works out in between, you need to switch off. Just go into hibernation :) I don’t know how anyone can do it, but it helped me a lot. I have heard and read enough that you need to walk and move. As a result, I suffered for 4.5 hours, walked, squatted, did all sorts of exercises, and the gynecologist came and said that the dilation was only 2 cm. I despaired and just collapsed on the bed. She lay there, breathed, turned off her brain during breaks and fell asleep, as a result, in 3 hours the uterus opened completely and gave birth :)

- @juliakm cool) thank you for sharing your experience, I also read that all the strength goes into contractions, but there is no strength for pushing

- @asselka909, please :)

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1st level. Stopping confrontation: the rule of the three Ts.
When the conversation deviates from the main topic, the participants' previously outlined goal remains aside. Mutual attacks and verbal attacks begin. Then use the three T rule:
Three Ts mean: Touch - Turn - Talk (Touch (English) - touch (any topic), turn (English) - translate (conversation), talk (English) - talk)

1) Touch: immediately state that this topic is not the main one and its discussion does not lead to the intended goal.
2) Turn: state the main theme.
3) Talk: continue to develop the main topic in order to refocus the main attention on it.
Examples
Touch - “Please don’t stray from the main topic. We have a central subject of conversation.”
Turn - “So, our topic is problems with selling product XYZ.”
Talk - “I have already named the factors influencing the sales of our products. Question: how and in what time frame do you intend to change the situation?”

2nd level. Suppressing emotional confrontation: the emotional “yellow card.”
Despite your intervention, the conversation remains as unconstructive as before. Pointless polemic continues, the main topic is obscured by many secondary ones.
Sit back and ask your interlocutor: “What exactly are you saying all this for?!”
Usually, in response to such a question, a person makes excuses or tries to explain his actions, and in 90% of cases he finally begins to speak to the point.
A tougher option: “What exactly are you saying all this for?!” This has nothing to do with our topic. Finally, return to the main question!”

3rd level. Suppressing confrontation in the metaplane.
A conversation or discussion reaches a boiling point. You are required to take decisive action and put an end to further escalation of tensions. Your actions: transition to the metaplane.
The metaplane is the area above the business and emotional planes that you enter in order to make your interlocutor and his actions the main topic of conversation.
Quickly establish feedback for yourself about the behavior of your interlocutor and what he says.
Traditional Feedback Framework: What do I see and hear? How does this affect me? What do I want?
This traditional scheme, built on questions to oneself (I), is too harmless and misses the mark - forget about it!
The new feedback scheme is interlocutor-oriented and openly conflictual. Of course, it is difficult to decide on open confrontation, but still.
Now questions and comments are addressed to the interlocutor (YOU or YOU).
The old template “I’m okay, you’re okay, and our conversation is also okay” is no longer relevant. Behavior of the interlocutor; it doesn't suit you. Tell him about it.

Example:
“You are making unnecessary problems out of thin air and polemicizing too much.
Your behavior is destructive and makes it impossible to achieve our goal.
Speak to the point, otherwise I will be forced to interrupt our conversation!”

Do you doubt whether you have the courage to do this? Then speak in the first person plural (WE), and your words will sound less harsh.

Example:
“We are wasting time on mutual reproaches and accusations. So we will never agree. Let's stay on topic!"
But: messages in the first person plural are effective only if the interlocutor is really interested in the result.

1. K – Rating: evaluate the topic of conversation in terms of the purpose of the discussion.

2. P – Return: return to the main topic.

3. D – Recess: go deeper into the main topic so that it becomes the main topic of discussion again.

Example

K – Rating:“Please do not move on to unrelated topics. Let’s stay on track with the main topic of our discussion and not deviate from it.”

P – Return:“Our topic today is the logistics of product XYZ in your enterprise.”

D – Recess:“I just wanted to draw your attention to the negative impact on our production cycles. So how can we ensure flawless logistics within a reasonable timeframe? One way is that..."

An alternative option, relevant in case of personal attacks:

K (in the imperative mood):“There is no point in starting a controversy. Please stick to the main topic."

P:“Our topic today is the logistics of product XYZ in the enterprise.”

D:“I have already noted those factors that had a negative impact on our production cycles. So how can we ensure flawless logistics within a reasonable timeframe? One way is..."

Advice: In a roundtable meeting or discussion, use the CAP technique along with eye contact.

To / Eye contact with the addressee

You say, “Don’t start a debate, please stick to the main topic.”

P/Change eye contact

Looking at the other person, you say: “Our topic today is the logistics of product XYZ in the enterprise.”

D / The second interlocutor becomes the addressee

You say: “I have already pointed out those factors that had a negative impact on our production cycles. So how can we ensure flawless logistics within a reasonable timeframe? One way is..."

This is the only way to ensure that the first recipient is excluded from the conversation. Eye contact means: does anyone have any objections?! You don't want to return to an unrelated topic anyway.

The advantages of the “efficiency rule” are obvious:

You consistently take a leadership position in the conversation;

You don't allow others to stray from the topic of conversation;

You actively exclude extraneous topics from the conversation and do not go into discussion of the mood of those present;

You are unshakable in your position and strictly adhere to the main topic;

You stop squabbles and witticisms about the competence of those present;

All your maneuvers do not go beyond the bounds of politeness and common sense;

You quickly and persistently stop insensitive behavior of participants;

At the same time, you not only answer questions, but also focus the audience’s attention on clear formulations;

You answer only those questions that help further the discussion, giving them credit accordingly.

Remember that every answer justifies the question asked!

Please adhere to the following principles:

Formulate positive statements.

Wrong:“Mental mood is not the topic of today’s meeting!”

Right:“Our topic today is logistics. Please explain your position on this issue!”

Emphasize what is said with a clear assessment.

Wrong:“This way we would achieve our goal faster.”

Right:“This is the only way we can quickly achieve the goal of our conversation!”

Place negative wording at the beginning of the phrase, and positive wording at the end.

Wrong:“Now it’s about the enterprise as a whole, not your specific area.”

Right:“Now it’s not about your specific area, but about the enterprise as a whole.”

Formulate your statements briefly and clearly.

Wrong:“Well, it so happened that we have already tried many times to move on to discussing this topic. Of course, under certain circumstances..."

Right:“Let's get back to the topic. We all share the opinion that..."

Avoid any comparisons, limitations, declaring yourself intellectually bankrupt and showing signs of communicative incompetence.

Wrong:“Perhaps it’s time to discuss this, although probably - and I’m in favor anyway - but it has its downsides...”

Right:“Let's return to the proposed solutions to the problem. The first decision..."

In a conversation/discussion, do not use questions, but direct appeals in the imperative mood.

Wrong:“Could we return to our main topic of logistics?”

Right:“Mr. Mayer, please tell us more about your solution to the problem!”

Avoid repeating other people's negative statements: this reinforces misconceptions and lays the foundation for reproaches against you.

Wrong:“Bad image? Who told you that we have a bad image?”

Right:“No, we have a good image in the eyes of the public!”

Typical and Possible Examples of "K"s/Grades

The question was posed in a different context;

This is not the main topic;

This is our main question;

That's not what we're talking about now;

This is your personal opinion;

You are generalizing;

Our clients ask about something else;

This is another aspect;

True False;

This is speculation;

That's what you think;

You used incorrect information;

This is a wrong impression.

If there are negative statements addressed to you or your company regarding its image, competence, education or experience, prohibit yourself from asking counter questions. After all, rhetorically savvy opponents can open real “lethal fire” in response to such questions.

An example of a failed counter question

Attack: “You have a bad image in the company!”

Unsuccessful counter question: “Why did you decide that?”

Possible answer:

1. All employees speak poorly of you.

2. No one expects you to successfully complete an important project.

3. You just failed a major project.

If you are still interested in developing the topic, I advise you to ask only evaluative questions: “How did you come to this erroneous opinion?

This is the only way to be sure that everything your opponent says will be lost in the eyes of those present and they will trust yours assessment.

In general, “Evaluation” and “Return” are often contrasted with each other in objection responses.

Counts:

The stronger the reproach, the more persistent the objection.