There is no strength to deal with problems. How to give yourself strength

Hello. My name is Tanya. For six months now I have no strength for anything.

Sometimes I just lie under the covers all day, I can't even wash my face. It all started after I broke up with a young man. I understand intellectually that this is not the end. I even managed to go to university abroad. I thought that studying would drag me out, I would be distracted by the change of scenery. But I've been in a new country for a month now, and every day I feel worse. I have no strength to do anything, I lie there, eat, watch TV series and cry. I have to learn a new language, but I have no strength. Previously helped by sports, hobbies or books. And now I can't do anything. What's wrong with me? .. I'm 25 years old.

Dear Tanya. Your condition is called apathy - indifference, lack of any desires and interest. It is caused by the loss of a relationship that is dear to you, after which you seem to have not yet recovered. Do you even want to come to your senses? .. Why am I asking this: there are many ways to cope with depression, but for six months you just stayed in it. You may benefit from being in an indifferent state. To feel sorry for yourself, to feel sorry for you, not to start a new relationship, so as not to experience the pain of parting again, or to make suffering the meaning of life, which is often characteristic of human psychology.

Take a sober look at the young man you broke up with. Who is he really? Describe it, objectively, without embellishment. Evaluate if there is something in him that you cannot live without? In the psychology of love and relationships, a person often feels longing not for other people's qualities, but for what he himself (a) put (a) into the object of his passion. These are strengths, physical and mental, - perhaps you have invested too much of them (and he asked you about this? ..), wasted time, care, attention. When you clarify what happened, the state of "no strength for anything" will gradually disappear: after all, its reasons are psychological. Thoughts will be put in order - and forces will appear. Admit it to yourself frankly: have you really lost a good person, or do you feel sorry for your own efforts?

There is another good way to get out of depression. Tanya, write yourself a letter. Express on paper everything you think about, how you feel, what you are afraid of, resentment, guilt or whom you blame ... Ask the question "what is happening to me?" And give yourself the freedom to give the paper whatever comes to mind, without hesitation. A person does not always know the answer at the level of consciousness, but the unconscious is always ready to give it 100%.

And say "thank you!" your ex-lover. The situation with him pushes you to understand yourself, to understand why it so happened that there is always no strength and energy, to draw the right conclusions so that new relationships become a source of joy and pleasant sensations. Good luck!

But nowhere does it indicate that this is a duty. On the one hand, people are free to dispose of themselves independently, on the other, they are dominated by social tradition, upbringing, religion and much more. Unfortunately, it is not so easy to answer the question "what to do if there is no strength to live?"

The spiritual side of the problem

Such a phenomenon as suicide is a big ethical problem that has become practically insoluble since the moment religion ceased to have a fundamental influence on public morality.

It used to be much easier with this. The Christian Church has a categorically negative attitude towards suicide, not at all listening to the questions of its parishioners about how to live if there is no strength to live. It is believed that there is no more serious sin, since suicide combines both murder and despair, and in addition, the sinner deprives himself of the opportunity to repent. Suicides are not given a funeral service and are not buried in consecrated ground to this day.

State view of things

Since European civilization, by and large, is built on Christian morality, a specific attitude towards suicide is reflected in the official legislation of many countries, where suicide has long been considered a criminal offense.

It may surprise some, but in Great Britain it ceased to be so only in 1961, when numerous appeals from human rights defenders forced parliament to revise the relevant law. Up to this point, for the wrong answer to the question "how to live if there is no strength to live?", One could pay a significant fine, and at the end of the 19th century - even be executed by hanging. In Ireland, criminal punishment for suicide was abolished only in 1993 (!).

Psychiatric position

Now such savagery can only be encountered in Africa (Ghana, Uganda). However, in society itself, the attitude towards suicides is ambiguous and varies very widely - from acceptance to condemnation.

For a long time it was believed that the problem: "How to live on if there is no strength?" typical only for mentally abnormal people. This stereotype is alive and well to this day. Once at Harvard, they conducted a study asking psychiatrists to make a diagnosis based on data from medical records. All patients committed suicide, but not all participants in the experiment were informed about it.

The results showed: in the case when the cause of death was known to experts, they diagnosed mental disorders in 90% of cases, and if unknown - in only 22%.

Among the medical reasons for suicide, severe depression is called - more than 70% of patients visit suicidal thoughts, and about 15% make appropriate attempts.

Norm is a shaky concept

The question of the mental norm, in principle, can be considered open. Therefore, the cry from the heart: "How to live if there is no strength to live ?!" does not mean at all that the person is crazy. After all, for reasons of suicide, the statistics do not clarify the situation too much either.

So, according to WHO studies, the reasons for 41% of suicides are generally unknown, 19% commit it out of fear of impending punishment, 18% because of personal troubles, and the same amount (18%) because of mental disorders.

It is characteristic that only 1.2% of people commit suicide due to a serious illness, so this reason cannot be considered mass, and it is this reason that is the main argument that sounds from the camp of citizens loyal to suicide.

In this respect, the practice of legalizing euthanasia in many European countries with a high standard of living deserves attention. So, in Belgium, a young woman under 30 years of age has recently received the right to her own killing with the help of doctors. The reason was depression - she has no other illnesses. This state of affairs is considered by many to be abnormal.

Looking for glory

Young people are more worried about how to live if they have no strength to live: with age, the desire to commit suicide diminishes, and the reasons take on different features. It is upsetting and discouraging that among adolescents, the number of suicides has tripled in the past decade.

Sociologists and psychologists are sounding the alarm and are inclined to blame the Internet, believing that suicide for some young representatives of humanity is an excuse to express themselves and get their "moment of glory" among like-minded people.

In many countries of the world there are sites dedicated to suicide, but, despite the fact that some states considered it necessary to ban them (Japan), they still grow and multiply like mushrooms after rain.

You need to understand that the thought of suicide that comes to mind necessarily indicates the presence of a problem (problems). If the idea becomes obsessive, comes back again and again, you should seriously think about ways to get help.

Psychiatrists are not favored in the post-Soviet space, but this practice is vicious. It is difficult to say how many people could have been saved if they had turned to specialists on time. If a person is not able to independently figure out the motives that force him to think about where to find the strength to live, he should definitely visit a psychotherapist or find another way to discuss his problems.

Traumatic factor

As a rule, the idea of ​​the meaninglessness of their own existence visits those who have suffered a bereavement - this is how trauma works: the loss of a loved one, social status, a large amount of money or work. People who do not have a family are in a special risk zone: according to statistics, it is more difficult for them to answer where to find the strength to live after the loss suffered.

If the reason for suicidal thoughts was some event, you need to know that the human psyche is quite flexible and adaptable. The hardest time is the first six months after the injury. After that, the person is more or less able to return to normal life.

Feeling of belonging

The experience of Western countries can be of great help. This form of therapy, such as support groups formed from people with similar problems, is quite effective.

First, it will not be superfluous for a person to find out that there are people who have suffered a similar loss, but still continue to live on.

Secondly, one-on-one stay with a problem is excluded. It is noteworthy that among suicides, only 24% communicated with many people, 60% with several, and 16% were completely alone. Such statistics speaks in favor of the fact that the ability to develop social contacts plays a key role in deciding how to live further if there is no strength.

Special thematic forums on the Internet can serve as a kind of analogue, but here you need to be careful: people on the Internet often behave much tougher than in real life.

The virtual space encourages irresponsibility, since there is no need to see someone's upset (which is unpleasant for almost any person), and there is no likelihood of punishment. Personal communication is preferable in any case.

A good help is the so-called helpline, which a desperate person can dial. A stranger's empathy can help prevent trouble.

Search for a remedy

Many of those who have suffered misfortune find an outlet in religion: the problem is solved by the church and the priest. In principle, in order to help a person, it is not always necessary to have a diploma - sometimes ordinary compassion is enough. In the case of a priest, all the age-old wisdom of the church and deep faith in the Lord helps.

In search of answers to the question of how to find the strength to live on, all means that bring tranquility are good. A favorite activity gives good results. If there is none, you need to try to find it.

Numerous volunteer organizations provide an opportunity to escape from their own problems by switching to others. One is helped by the realization that “someone is even worse,” the other can find the meaning of life in mercy.

There is probably no single recipe. Even smokers, quitting a bad habit, are guided by various methods. There are those who are soothed by a pack of cigarettes lying in a bag: “If it’s completely unbearable, I’ll smoke.” Others know they are better off staying away from tobacco and use different strategies. In the same way, people who have suffered a heavy loss and do not know how to live with it must find their own remedy.

Change to change

If there was no bright traumatic event, and suicidal thoughts still attend, you need to sit down at the table, take a blank sheet of paper and as honestly as possible list the reasons why you want to quit everything. This method is good from either side:

makes you systematize your own thoughts and feelings;

gives the problem clarity;

makes you penetrate deeper into its essence.

After the factor that compels one to think in order to live is discovered, it is necessary to outline the ways of dealing with it. In this direction, even the smallest step will be a success. Of course, it is good if an experienced and friendly psychotherapist helps. When there is no opportunity to resort to the help of a specialist, you should try to involve a loved one or the Internet in solving the problem.

There are special psychological portals where you can discuss your problem and listen to what others have to say about it. Judging by some reviews, this method has a right to exist. The main thing is to be ready to change and listen to advice.

Caution: children

A special category of people who ask the question of how to find the strength to live are teenagers. It is a pity that they are not asking it to their parents. And it is all the more sad if they do not find understanding among the older generation.

Adults, in part, can be understood: Shakespearean passions performed by 13-year-old girls are really capable of causing both laughter and irritation. Of course, mom knows very well that first love is not the end of the world, “shame for the whole school” is not a stigma for life, etc. But it is important to understand that the teenager actually thinks that everything is over, and he may well make a decision that will make his loved ones feel constant and hopeless guilt.

After all, an analysis of the vast amount of data collected by suicidologists suggests that indifference of others is often the cause of suicide.

No need to commit irreversible acts

Many discussions about the problem of suicide contain almost contemptuous remarks that "they are simply trying to attract attention to themselves in this way." Indeed, 85 to 90% of suicide attempts are unsuccessful, with four times more women than men among the survivors. But isn't the fact that a person has to draw attention to himself in this way deserve sympathy?

People should be kinder to each other, especially since this, as a rule, does not require large expenses. Saying a sympathetic word and abandoning a stinging one - what could be easier? Perhaps then the suicide curve will steadily creep down.

You can give up and surrender at any time. It's much more difficult to keep looking for the meaning of existence. No one knows what will give a person the strength to live on and when this will happen - you need to try to maintain hope. Once giving an interview, he told his fans: "You should never commit irreversible acts." And this is very good advice for all of us.

We want to tell you the amazing story of Thomas Atwater from Puttingham (pictured). This handsome man, like no one else, had the right to say: “I have no strength to live! I feel very bad!" But he acted differently ...

We are publishing this story not at all so that you read it and think: "Well, yes, there are situations even worse than mine ..." and went on to mourn your grief. Let the choice of our hero inspire you, even in the most difficult circumstances, not to give up, not focus on your own problems and become an angel for someone else ...

Sick child

According to numerous statistical studies, every second father leaves the family after a disabled child is born or a serious diagnosis is made. And if the verdict “pediatric oncology” sounds, then we are talking about 80%.

When Tom met Joey, who was then 21 years old, she did not hide the presence of a daughter. The girl showed him a photograph of a smiling daughter with a teddy bear.

- She's lovely! - said the guy, but suddenly he saw tears in the eyes of his new friend.

The terrifying diagnosis of neuroblastoma was made three months after Kelly's birth. The little girl has undergone many operations and chemotherapy courses, spent almost her entire life in hospitals. When the cancer receded at the age of three, the girl began to rapidly make up for everything that she had missed: singing, dancing, kindergarten, friendship with other children. The baby learned a few phrases in French and asked to enroll her in the kindergarten for school.

The girl told Tom everything. But he was not frightened, and they never parted again.

Soon, after the next examination, the doctors assured the daughter that there was nothing more to be afraid of. The young family was happy, but not for long. After 2 months, there was a relapse ... But now the girl had the best daddy in the world, who was by her side. She asked to change her last name to Atwater. The stepfather became for her and her mother a prince from a fairy tale, a knight on a white horse. This does not happen in reality single mothers with sick children, right? ...

The couple began to prepare for a real wedding with a dress, cake and a crowd of friends, because during the girl's illness there was no time for the holidays ...

Unexpected turn

One morning the young father was getting ready to work, preparing breakfast for himself in the kitchen, and suddenly fainted. He regained consciousness only in the hospital, as his wife called an ambulance.

The doctors did not hide anything from the 29-year-old guy:

- Sorry, but you have cancer. It affected 11 percent of the brain. We will try to remove the tumor, but the chances of success are negligible.

But Tom did not begin to say: “I feel very bad and have no strength to live,” but withstood this unexpected blow of fate.

At first he was in a state of shock, then - anger, which soon passed. Then he was disappointed - after all, he would not have time to fulfill his daughter's cherished desire - to give her a brother ... And then his whole mind was seized by the desire to live every remaining day 100%, to the last drop. Have time to do everything for your family, give her as much love as possible.

“I asked the doctors how long I still have: months, years? I felt like a hero of a melodrama. "

The baby tirelessly told dad:
- I won this stupid cancer twice. If you also fight, you will definitely recover! You are big and strong!

It was in the spring of 2012. The doctors tried to remove the tumor, but it did not work out completely. Then - exhausting therapy, after a year after which the doctors gave up.

“There’s nothing more we can do. They said.

The hardest part was getting the news to Kelly.

“You see, dear, the nasty growth in my father’s head cannot be removed. I will go to heaven, and probably soon. We need to be strong ... "

The girl cried for a long time, and then called her father and repeated again:

“I’ve defeated that stupid cancer twice. If you start to fight with him, you will definitely be cured! You're so strong, daddy!

This little one didn’t understand anything yet and didn’t realize yet that her own tests were terrible again. The doctor warned that the oncology is likely to return, and there is only one way to prevent this - to undergo treatment according to the latest method, which cost half a million pounds.

No strength to live? Set a goal!

Tom knew about this and was tormented by the realization that he could not help the baby. He turned the whole Internet upside down, talked with doctors for a long time and came to the conclusion that he had a maximum of 3 years left. Then - a call to my mother, who did not know anything yet. He asked her for forgiveness for the pain that he caused them, urged to come to terms with the fact that he would leave the world before his parents.

Thomas took a piece of paper and sat down to write a list of things to do before his death. It turned out only three points:

1. Play a real fun wedding with Joey.
2. Raise 1/2 million for Kelly's treatment.
3. Attend a match with your favorite team, Manchester United.

He could not lie and suffer, complaining how badly he was, while his baby was in danger. He vowed that before his death he would collect the necessary amount so that she received life-saving treatment.

The condition of our hero was steadily deteriorating, but the fundraising work did not stop for a moment. While Thomas was still able to walk, he walked around all the shops and cafes in the city, asking owners to place donation boxes at the cash register. The couple posted posts on the Internet, organized fairs, concerts, charity evenings and the sale of bracelets. They even made their own wedding fundraising - they refused inappropriate gifts, asking guests to contribute to a bank account. The groom felt terrible and could barely keep his feet, but smiled at the camera and at the guests.

Miracle!

And in May 2015, baby Fletcher was born, although doctors unequivocally stated that their patient could not be a father. However, he even attended the birth, holding the palm of his beloved in his hand for 11 hours, although his health was steadily deteriorating. Then a second miracle happened - the coveted amount was collected for the treatment of my daughter.

The main work of his whole life came true, and as if “letting go” of himself, the man took to his bed. The tickets bought by his wife for the game of his favorite team remained on the table. But next to him were those whom he loved so much. The daughter planted her soft toys next to dad, believing that they would ease his suffering. A little son was also lying on the bed with his father. Joey promised herself to raise him to be a true gentleman, like dad.

On September 29, at the age of 32, Thomas Atwatter passed away. Before his death, he wrote a letter of instruction for his children with the belief that a wonderful future awaits them.

Inheritance

He could lie down and suffer, crying: "I have no strength to live, I want to die, it's very hard for me!" But he left behind an amazing legacy. And this is not at all a tidy sum in the bank, but something much more.

Our hero is an example for those of us who are struggling with difficult life circumstances

But what if you don't have enough strength? When there is no hope and loving people around?

There is One who is always ready to help, to share your pain with you. He is able to heal when doctors pass their judgment. He can put a comma where all people have put a full stop long ago. This is a loving God who gave Himself to the cross for the forgiveness of our sins and passed our human path of suffering. Even death is not terrible with Him, because it is just the beginning of a new life. Make peace with God!

The best way to find the strength to live is to trust God with your life. Do it, try Him! Are you saying that there is no more strength to live? God has a wonderful path for you.

There is no strength to live. And nothing will change in the future. Nothing good will happen and life will not get better. I have health problems (weakness, fatigue, slow thinking, headaches, dizziness, nausea). This makes it difficult to live a normal life. I went to the doctors several times, but the reason could not be found. I am also weak in character, I have no grip, no self-confidence. Therefore, I can never make good money. I can't work with people, because I do not feel well from the tension that arises when dealing with people. And I can't work with papers and information because of problems with concentration. I will not be able to give birth and raise a child, give him everything he needs. Men don't need me. None of them wanted me to be his wife. I myself understand that no one needs someone like me. Why live if there is no meaning in this life and, most importantly, there is no strength and energy to live? I am so tired. Very ... I dream of death, that all my torment will end. I know that I will not receive an answer how to proceed. I want understanding.
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Tired, age: 33 / 16.09.2016

Feedback:

Hello! In fact, if you have a mindset for a quick death, it becomes even more difficult and you get even more tired. You see, you are at such a wonderful age that it is too early to sum up the results, even intermediate ones. And there is already life experience. Yes, you can evaluate some achievements, identify the reasons for the failures, if any. But I hope you will not consider such a scenario. Personally, my fears are mostly related to your health. What is the reason for these problems? The first thing that comes to mind is weak immunity, many suffer from this. Symptoms are typical, and difficulties in communicating with people can be explained by this. Strengthening it, you will feel a surge of strength, your efficiency will increase, and self-confidence will appear. Although, there may be problems with the spine, in particular, the cervical spine. The head may ache and dizzy, there may be poor concentration of attention. But all this can be effectively dealt with, it is still important to find a suitable doctor. Do not be lazy, contact different doctors. You have absolutely nowhere to rush. Pass the necessary tests, use other diagnostic methods. Knowing the exact cause, the treatment will not be too difficult and lengthy. And when you begin to feel better, then the desire to strive for something will reappear. Think about a possible job, find something acceptable for yourself. There are many industries that you probably don't know about. You can try a variety of positions, you don't need to be ashamed of anything or anyone. If you don't like a place, leave. But sooner or later you will make your choice. And personal life, by and large, is only a matter of time. But if now you think about a premature departure from life, then you can really believe yourself that there is no chance. Try not to. I wish you good health and success!

Arina, age: 50 / 17.09.2016

Hello! I also have big problems with concentration. Because of this, when I even just read a book, then I often need to re-read a paragraph to understand what is written there. I practically can't communicate with people! I am constantly worried and shy when I am even just among people. And when you have to communicate with someone, it’s generally awful! Sometimes I just want to lie down and lie down, because I'm all lazy, constantly depressed and tired. My communication is only virtual. I communicate with people almost only on the Internet, because only there I have friends. But you know, you still have your whole life ahead of you! Just like me! We shouldn't be discouraged. Do you have a hobby? Try to devote more time to it. Perhaps you have talents! For example, I do music, write poetry. Unleash your potential! Well, even if it does not work out, then you should not despair. Then you just need to live and enjoy the fact that you breathe air, walk on the ground. Some are generally disabled, but they enjoy life, enjoy every moment. You are still very young! All the best and most interesting is ahead!

Pavel, age: 09/17/2016

Think about your diet! Weakness and fatigue can be caused by a lack of vitamins. I recommend a vitamin complex against fatigue. In addition, your concentration will improve.

Vyacheslav, age: 09/17/2016

Hello! It is worth contacting a psychotherapist, undergoing treatment, drinking antidepressants and vitamins. You look at the world differently. It is difficult for you to work with papers and in a large team, then try something different, small offices and orgasms, children's, preschool institutions, work in the service sector, a social worker, maybe with animals, etc. Look at the Orthodox dating sites, meet, communicate, be able to find friends and maybe the other half. Cheer up, hold on!

Irina, age: 09/17/2016

Patience and strength to you! Each person is unique, including you, accept yourself and turn to God, everyone has their own path, we are not able to understand many moments, but we must live our life with dignity. You have humility and patience!

Meliss, age: 09/17/2016

But you cannot take a child into a foster family and you will have a child and the salary will be paid. And the meaning of life will appear.

Nen, age: 09/17/2016

Hello.
I understand you, this is a stupid state when you can express yourself in one word "Tired", well, or "very tired." This is when you have been in a state of "tired" for a long time. Moreover, fatigue is not physical, but mental. It becomes difficult to do even the most common things: get up in the morning, cook food, clean the apartment, etc.
Please think about what exactly bothers you the most. If there are no physical pains, then the whole problem is in the head, namely in psychology. You need a rest, sincere, when you just don't have to strive for anything, to achieve something, to expect something from life, there is nothing not to think about, but just to rest a little. Even if you don’t even go on vacation, it’s easy, at least, to go to nature, lie down and read a book all day, turning off the phone. Why not. Also, spiritual vacation and new strength can be obtained in the church. Just stand there, pray and feel better.
Please do not think that you will not have anything that you would like, it is not. Life, it is not logical at times. Everything changes, sometimes the main thing is to endure when it's hard and then life opens a new page. Please don't lose faith.

Sergey, age: 09/18/2016

In fact, for many people you are irreplaceable - for relatives, friends, for sure. Yes, they may not express it in words, they may not call you every day, but it will be very painful for them if something happens to you. As for marriage, it's just a lottery. There are many smart and beautiful who are lonely. And at the same time, there are many girls with an ordinary appearance, who do not have any special talents, who work in the most low-profile jobs, and at the same time are happily married. So it's not about your peculiarities at all. Everything can happily change overnight. And maybe it’s tired because you don’t see any joys in your life. This means that you need to create them yourself. Buy yourself something beautiful from clothes. Sign up for courses that you wanted to master for a long time, finally, you can embroider - this is very calming. You can go on a weekend to the nearest large city - go to museums, just take a walk. If you are a believer, go to church more often. You are not alone - you should not think that you are the worst - very many people have exactly the same problems.

Svetlana, age: 36 / 09/18/2016

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13.03.2019 I am seriously considering suicide. I am very scared to die, and I do not want my daughter to find me. But how to live and why, I also don’t know. Tired of fighting for their own adequacy.

13.03.2019 I haven't been to school for a long time, I fell behind. I would like to have a heart-to-heart talk with my mother, but she will not understand me, there are no friends. Nobody needs me, I'm tired of everything.

13.03.2019 My heart is very bad and thoughts of suicide. He does not want a relationship, and I am torn in hope and do not understand how to free myself from this love for him.

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In the modern world, a person has much more free time than his brother, for example, in the 18-19 century, this prompted the so-called mental outlook on the world around him.

Previously, a person did not have excess energy for nonsense, like thinking about the meaning of life, about the meaning of being, but now, please, think as much as you want. As a result, a person became dissatisfied with the blessings that he has, he began to want to possess something more, but he does not understand what he wants. Paradoxically, a person did not begin to have more energy and enthusiasm as a result of the freed up free time, on the contrary, because of its excess, he became much weaker, largely due to depression and apathy caused by mental reflections on life. Yes, it is in this situation that most of the representatives of the human race find themselves.

Is there a solution to the problem?

Of course, there are two types of solutions to this difficult problem. The first method is short-term, but short-lived, and the second, vice versa.

In the first case, it is enough for a person to give up all the benefits that he has for a while. It would be just right to buy a tent and go hiking. Just do not take food and water with you, with this situation of loss of vitality, these aspects are absolutely not necessary for you. After 1-2 days spent in a cold forest, hungry and thirsty, you will probably rethink what you had before. You will gain the energy and purpose for which you will strive, I guarantee you that. True, this state will not last long and you need to do something similar again. How to say something is some hardship, fear. For example, you can jump from a parachute or do extreme sports.

Now it is worth explaining the second method, as already mentioned long-term. You need to find a unique and unrepeatable hobby, or an interesting occupation if in Russian. It can be studying astronomical bodies with a telescope, walking a bicycle, pick-up, scouring antiquities with a metal detector, knitting, professional cooking, or any other activity. It all depends only on your fantasies, listen to yourself, remember what you wanted to do in childhood, and implement them in the real world. As psychologists have established, a hobby helps a person to find energy, meaning in life, and a desire for life. You will not have free time to think about the bad, you will be busy with something fun for you.